Chapter 1: Why does a mother feel resentment when her husband seeks personal time?
I have five little kids. Whoa. Yeah, and I'm actually, I'm pregnant with number six. I'm married to the best man in the world. But when he wants to go like on a hunting weekend or do things to like refuel for himself, I find myself like just feeling super bitter.
So this is going to sound counterintuitive, but... What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee, taking real calls from real people, going through all kinds of stuff in their marriages, in their dating life, with their kids, with their mental, emotional health, whatever you got going on.
I want you to pull up a seat and grab some imaginary nachos. We're going to figure out what's the next right move in your life. Let's go out to Fargo, North Dakota, and talk to Mary Mary. What's up, Mary?
Hi, Dr. John.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
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Chapter 2: How can partners support each other during difficult times?
How are you doing?
I'm doing great. What's going on in your world?
Yeah, so I'll just jump right in.
Yes, cannonball.
Yeah. So I am 29 years old. I've been married for almost 10 years, and I have five little kids with my husband.
Whoa. That's a lot of people in the house.
It's a lot of people, yeah.
How old is your oldest?
He just turned eight.
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Chapter 3: What are effective strategies for managing feelings of anger as a new parent?
Do you just set yourself on fire just to feel fun sometimes?
Good gosh. I always joke with my husband that I'm going to set my hair on fire and run down the street. That's like our joke.
No, you already did that when you had five kids, eight and under. You did that. Wow.
I know, yeah. But it's so great. Oh, of course.
We're very blessed. What an amazing, chaotic, fun adventure y'all are on. That's cool.
Yeah. Yeah.
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Chapter 4: How can personal experiences shape our emotional responses in relationships?
And I'm actually, I'm pregnant with number six. Cause why not? Super new. Why not? At this point, you know, you have a backup on your basketball team.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, um, if you ever want to call into the show and ask why this keeps happening, I could probably help you out there too.
Yeah, we do. We probably do need some help in that area. Keep them coming.
I love it.
Um, yeah. So I, uh,
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Chapter 5: What role does communication play in addressing resentment in marriage?
I'm married to seriously the best man in the world. I knew I would get emotional at this point. You know how you always say that girls should have a dad that would light the world on fire for them? That's my husband. He would literally do anything for me. I love hearing that. Yeah, he's just... He is so great. And I really lucked out.
Did he luck out too?
Yeah, I think he did.
Yeah, he did.
Yeah. But yeah, I recently just like, when he wants to go like on a hunting weekend or do things to like refuel for himself, I find myself like just feeling super bitter. And it always starts out great.
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Chapter 6: How can individuals navigate their own mental health challenges while supporting a partner?
Like I normally have a plan for all the kids for those weekends or those evenings or whatever. And it just seems like, you know, if he runs a little bit late or if something, you know, like if life happens and it ends up being later than he thought or something, I just like, I feel something inside of me that just like bubbles over and I get like so angry and
feel myself getting bitter about it and I I feel so much shame and guilt around it because he's so supportive whenever I need time like if I want to go to a ladies night or book club or a retreat he's just so supportive and would literally do anything to to help me with that and so I feel like it's something like like deep inside of me and I just can't seem to figure out what it is.
Um, and so I thought maybe you would have an idea.
Yeah. Like, well, I mean, a, you're, I like to start with the premise. There's no bad thoughts. Thoughts happen. Right. And feelings are, uh, um, a light on a dashboard in your car. Right. So sometimes they're annoying. Sometimes they're, they keep us safe. Sometimes they're like, but they're just are right.
Chapter 7: What are the implications of unresolved childhood emotions on adult relationships?
And I think we get ourselves into trouble when we act on every feeling or more importantly, we try to subscribe, we try to ascribe meaning and depth and what's going on in my subconscious to every emotion and feeling. And so this is going to sound counterintuitive, but
And this may be the wrong track, but what if we unintellectualize them and we just put them on the table as I'm pregnant with five kids and I love, love, love that my husband's got friends and hobbies and activities and I won the lottery with him. He won the lottery with me.
But dude, our life is scheduled to the second because it has to be because we're not even 30 and we already have a basketball team with the backup on the way. And like, it's just a whole, there's a lot going on. So what if the, your body's alarm system, what if it's detecting a low air pressure in one of the tires, but that's not really what's, you know what I mean?
Maybe it's just low because it's cold outside and doesn't mean something's wrong. Something's broken. It just kind of is. Yeah. Or has this been something that's been following you around forever? Have you been a scorekeeper your whole life? Or Jaco calls it the fairness fairy. Have you been looking since you were a little kid?
Chapter 8: How can couples create a plan to support each other through parenting challenges?
My daughter has that. Like, I got this piece of chocolate. Yours has to be the exact same size as mine. Or it's cosmically unfair and we need to set everything on fire. Which one of those feels right?
Well, I'm... The oldest sibling in my family, so probably the latter.
Okay, all right. So you're a, this wasn't fair, younger one got the car and you had to ride your bike and that kind of thing?
Yeah, I think that resonates a little bit more with me. Okay. Especially because when it does happen, it's like I think I try to do any sort of any sort of like mental gymnastics I can to like make sure that it's not a big deal and that I'm not overreacting. And it's just like, it feels like it's this thing that I just like cannot, cannot get over. You know what I mean? What, what is it like?
So take kids off and take husband off. Okay. Give me an example of something off the table. Give me some, an example of something that you see in the world that is just patently unfair. And it enrages you.
I would say. Yeah, like, well, this is kind of, I guess, a. Maybe too personal of an example, but like if I have a friend that's like not invited to a group gathering and it's not like.
my thing that i'm hosting i get like i get really angry for that person when that person might not even care gotcha okay so you have like an internal sense of justice yes yeah for sure things need to be the right way or else yes often like so a good a sense of justice is important i want everyone in the world to have that i think that's amazing
But if it is serving as an anti-anxiety medication for you, if it's your way to get some tiny sense of control in your life when the world feels out of control, because you have five kids, eight and under. Yes. Right? Then it becomes not a useful way of being in the world, but it becomes a drug.
Yes.
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