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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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For the last year and a half, he's not been bringing in an income. So we've kind of blown through all our savings.
Why isn't he working?
His goals are just so high. He's looking for like the perfect solution, the job or the business that he can finally like live out his dreams.
What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. And I'm so glad that you're here. Pull up a seat. Whatever you happen to be doing.
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Chapter 2: Why does the husband refuse to get a job?
Going for a walk. running through the airport, vacuuming the house, cleaning the car, whatever you're doing, I'm glad that you're here. We're talking about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your marriages, your kids, anything you got going on, pull up a seat and we'll figure out what's the next right move. If you want to be on this show, I'd love to have you on.
I don't answer long personal questions on social media, but I do answer them right here on the show. So click the link in the show notes and we will have you on. Let's go out to Vancouver, British Columbia, and talk to a girl named Sue. What's up, Sue?
Hi, Dr. Deloney.
How we doing?
I'm hanging in there.
Hanging in there. Good. Well, I'm glad you called. Pull up a seat. What's up?
So I've got a situation with my husband and I guess my family. We're in a bit of a financial crisis. for the last year and a half, he's not been bringing in an income. And he just doesn't seem to have an urgency to helping solve this problem. So we've kind of blown through all our savings in the last couple of months.
Why isn't he working for a year and a half?
I don't know. I feel like he...
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Chapter 3: What financial struggles is the wife facing?
You got to start grinding it out again. Because if he had gone to work two weeks after his business imploded, he would already be... the manager of whatever business he already would have found his, like a path towards something. Right. Most importantly, he would have found confidence again. He has no, that's all gone now, but that like talking about him, does you and I know good, right?
Cause he's not here.
No, I, yeah, but I feel desperate.
Does he know that you feel desperate?
He does.
So you sat down with him and said, here's, here's our situation. We're broke.
Yep.
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Chapter 4: How does the wife feel about her husband's lack of urgency?
We're broke. I've said, like, I need him to get a job because I need to not spend my entire being worrying about food and life and a shelter, right? That I need my basic needs met without it all being on me.
And what does he say to that?
He thought I was being selfish because he was doing the best that he could.
Well, I hate to say this, but the best he can do right now is not good enough. And I don't think he's being honest. This isn't the best he can do. Because I know too many dads who get up at 5 a.m. and drive a bus, and then they go work a really crappy job, and they swing home at dinner for 30 minutes with their kids, and then they go back to a third job. Those men are doing the best they can.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so my question for you is a scary question. What are you going to do now? Because you've run to the end of this roller coaster. It's out of track.
It is.
So you're going to put the house up for sale and move in with your family? What are you going to do? Here's the thing. Your husband has effectively left you. He just hasn't moved out. He's just journaling about it. This isn't even about meeting emotional needs or sexual needs like a lot of the calls on the show are. This is a guy that's watching his wife starve and he's like, yeah, I don't care.
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Chapter 5: What is the husband's perspective on finding a job?
I mean, if that's how low the bar is, being married to you would be awesome because it would be pretty easy, right?
Yeah.
You're not asking for the moon here. You're asking for lunch.
Right. Do y'all own your home? We have a mortgage.
Sure. Do you have any equity in your house?
Yeah. Yeah, we do. Okay. We have about 300.
Okay. Yeah. Do you have family members you could move in with?
No, my family lives across the country. Okay.
Yeah. Do you have such an amazing job that you can't move?
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Chapter 6: How can couples communicate effectively during tough times?
Okay. Okay.
I hate to, man, I sound like I lack compassion here, and I do for him. I don't for your marriage. I'm compassionate for your marriage. I hate it for both of y'all. I always say if somebody files for divorce, the day you get those papers, you are no longer in a marriage. You are now in a business transaction. And you don't have divorce papers in hand, but you have a divorce spouse in
continuing to sit in your house. And I always, my rule number one when somebody gets married is get a joint checking account. Those days need to be over for you. Right. You've got to begin to think, how am I going to be okay? Okay. Because the person you pledged your life to is not interested in whether you're okay or not. Am I being unfair?
No, like everything you're saying, I think I know from a logical place, right? It's just, yeah. And he's a nice guy.
You know what? He's not. Because even jerks take care of their families. Okay. It's not nice to watch your spouse turn to ash because they're so exhausted and to blame them for getting dust on things.
Right? That's not nice. Mm-hmm. I'm heartbroken for you.
I'm sorry. I'm even more mad because he's got kids. He's got kids watching this play out. He's got kids that you're having to put food on the table for.
So if you don't mind me asking, what are you going to do? I don't know. My part of me just wants to go back and plead with him again.
How many times have you done that?
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Chapter 7: What emotional challenges arise from financial stress in a marriage?
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Oh, not much. Just trying to raise babies and homestead and do all the things.
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