Should I Quit Trying to Involve My Ex in Our Daughter’s Life?

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The Dr. John Delony Show 54 min 6 speakers 2 chapters transcribed
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Should I involve my daughter's biological dad in school activities?

Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection) 0:05
Do I involve my daughter's biological dad in school activities when he shows no interest otherwise to pick her up?
Dr. John Delony 0:15
What's the custody arrangement?
Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection) 0:16
There is no legal custody arrangement. We kind of just left it for now. Oh, God. Don't do that, please. Please don't do that.
Dr. John Delony 0:29
What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Taking your calls. All over planet Earth. Taking your calls on your relationships, your marriages, your kids. What to do next with your emotional and your mental health. Schooling. Whatever you got going on in your life. Here's my promise. I'll sit with you. We'll figure out what's the next right move. Give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291. Or go to johndeloney.com slash ask. A-S-K. And I get questions from all over the planet. from Europe, from some Asian countries, from Australia. Yes, you can write in. Yes, we've had people from other countries on the show, johndeloney.com slash ask, and we'll figure out a way that we can connect, if we can line up our schedules together.
Dr. John Delony 1:21
So I'd love to have you on the show. And take a quick second, quick second, hit subscribe on the YouTubes. Man, thank you so, so much. All right, let's go out to Anaheim, California, and talk to Jennifer. What's up, Jennifer?
Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection) 1:35
Hi, Don. How are you?
Dr. John Delony 1:38
I mean, I'm dancing like I've never danced before. How about you?
Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection) 1:42
Oh, I just woke up.
Dr. John Delony 1:46
I'm not dancing, so same team. What's up?
Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection) 1:51
Okay, so my question is, Do I involve my daughter's biological dad in school activities when he shows no interest otherwise to pick her up or, you know, yeah, pretty much just pick her up otherwise?
Dr. John Delony 2:10
No, but continue and tell me your story.
Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection) 2:13
Okay. So there was... She just started school. She's five. And there was a teacher's conference. And I thought it was my due diligence to tell him, like, oh, there's a teacher's conference. If you would want to be involved, you can. And he was like, yeah, sure. But then my husband, he had a problem with it. And he feels like... Because my daughter's biological dad doesn't show interest in picking her up on his days off. He has three days off. He works four days, so he has three days off. And he doesn't pick her up on those days, which, you know, I feel he should.

What should I do about the custody arrangement?

Dr. John Delony 3:02
What's the custody arrangement?
Unidentified Speaker (Brief Interjection) 3:05
There is no legal custody arrangement. We kind of just left it for now. Don't do that, please. Please don't do that. Well, I'm only 24. I had her when I was 19.
Dr. John Delony 3:19
I know. And so I'm telling you as an old man, I'm a thousand years old. Please get a legal custody arrangement. Please, please, please, please, please. The greatest gift you can give her is some clarity. Because what's going to happen is he's going to meet somebody and that person's going to start ruining everybody's life. And or you're gonna make a decision Based on I don't use this word mean I mean, I mean this in the best sense, but based on a fantasy Like I had a baby an amazing young girl by this guy He's kind of been a deadbeat. I'm remarried. I'm going on with my life But he is going to rise to the challenge and be a great friend and co-parent to our amazing little daughter. He's not He sucks
Dr. John Delony 4:10
And so you're going to keep ticking along, and what you're going to find yourself doing is trying to drag him into a situation that he is – behavior is a language. He is letting everybody know, including his precious little baby girl, I don't want anything to do with this. But someday somebody is going to sue you for custody. And he's going to say, look at all these conferences I went to. Look at all this. And he never picked her up, never helped, never put a dime on the table. I can't tell you how important it is to get a custody agreement, a legal one, and then just follow it. But to answer your broad question, without an agreement – If you have a guy here that shows no interest, doesn't pick his daughter up, isn't driving you crazy trying to see his precious baby girl, then he is telling you on a day-to-day, minute-by-minute, second-by-second basis, I don't care about your life. I don't care about her life. And so he's opting out. And so no, he is not a part of her rhythms of her life. And will that come back and haunt her?

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