Dating after being at war
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How did Chris May’s combat experiences shape his post‑deployment sex drive?
The first time I came back when I was single, it c I came back and because of the excessive amount of porn that I'd watched, I thought that I myself could reenact a porn star's lifestyle. Really? Which uh lo and behold, I could not. Um so it was one of those things and then after my second trip, after being wounded when I came back, I was a bit more I was in a depressed state. I had a head injury, I had a stutter, I just had a really life threatening experience. So when I came back I had absolutely no sex drive whatsoever. But it wasn't even on the priority of list of things I even wanted to do.
The hookup Love and
honey on.
On Triple J. Warning Sex and Adult Themes. Serving in a war is one of the most testing and potentially traumatic experiences a person could possibly go through. So we thought we'd take a look at what war does to the relationships and sex lives of our young veterans. Joining us is Chris May, he's the co-founder of Young Veterans, a group that aims to empower young vets. Also joining us is Dr. Stephanie Hodson, who works for the Department of Veterans Affairs as the national manager of the Veterans and Veterans Family Counselling Service. Dr. Hodson has worked for 25 years in military medicine. Mental health and is a colonel in the Army Reserve and is herself an Australian Defence Force veteran. Also with us is Dr.
Christopher Fox. He's a psychosexual and relationships therapist. Chris, thanks so much for being with us.
Thanks for having me.
So where did you serve and what did you do while you were in the army?
Uh so my I I served uh in two tours in Afghanistan. Uh one in uh two thousand and nine and the second one in two thousand and eleven. Um my job was uh cavalry, uh so armoured vehicles, um from providing overwatch for infantry moving through through the green zones of Afghanistan. And um on my second tour I was actually wounded in action by a uh a roadside bomb um and diagnosed with traumatic brain injury, PTSD, anxiety, depression. Um in twenty twelve I attempted my own life, uh to take my own life and then coming back from that went through pretty intensive trauma therapy and um Yeah, made it all through it and now I help other people that are in a position that I was.
Yeah, and so I imagine your experience is really what's driving you to to, you know, help young vets like yourself to not feel so isolated when they come home.
Yeah, definitely. It's it's one of those things. Like I I've I've lived it and uh seeing some of the signs in some of my own friends, um had having friends of mine, you know, commit suicide, um going on with that, you'd there's so many things we we're all struggling with and just normal reintegration and just becoming uh, you know, a normal CV again is is the hardest process.
Yeah, absolutely. So what made you want to join the army in the first place?
Uh the biggest reason for me to join the army was uh that I got bullied in high school. Um I got bullied in primary school, bullied in high school and I thought I've had a gut full of this. Um I'm gonna go join the army and make a difference. And I left uh at the end of year ten um and joined the army at the age of seventeen, trying to join to be an apprentice. Yeah, I tried the join as an apprentice and um pretty much got told, you know, that's um not on. So I picked uh picked a job in armored corps driving armored vehicles. So before I could actually um drive myself round in my car on my P plates, I actually Had um The license to drive a thirteen and a half ton armoured vehicle.
What did that feel like as a seventeen year old?
pretty exhilarating, you know, you're driving around a a a a you know, couple of million dollar vehicle, that's worth you know with a crew of three and, you know, just the teamwork aspect of it and the uh the job was just exhilarating. It was that sense of adventure that the that this you know soldiers felt a hundred years ago. Same, same thing. You just you knew this was the start of a big journey. And um You never know where it was going to take you, but you kinda hoped that it was going to take you around the world.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
How did Chris May’s combat experiences shape his post‑deployment sex drive?
0:00–4:43
2
What motivated Chris to join the army and how did early service affect his identity?
4:43–10:36
3
How did Chris’s injuries and PTSD influence his relationships after returning home?
10:36–22:19
4
Why do veterans find it harder to discuss sexual dysfunction than other mental‑health issues?
22:19–33:36
5
What are the common sexual dysfunction symptoms faced by male and female veterans?
33:36–38:15