Dating and sexual health when you're trans
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What challenges do trans and gender‑nonconforming people face when dating?
Yeah.
You know, trans people have and experience our sexuality and our experiences of sex. with I guess as much complexity and hotness and satisfaction, I guess, or lack thereof as the general population. But one of the kind of key things that that our community experiences is that our access to really contemporary, evidence based, affirming information about how to stay safe is really thin on the ground.
Warning adult content. The hookup. Love and on Triple J Dating already seems complicated enough, right? But if you're transgender, hooking up can be a whole world more difficult and even dangerous. I'm Nat Tencich, and to celebrate Transgender Day of Visibility, we're looking into the challenges trans and gender non-conforming people can face when dating, and how to tackle those challenges to find great love and great sex. First up, Ray and Chrissy are a trans couple who got in touch with the hookup to share. their story. Ray is a trans guy and Chrissy is a trans woman, but their relationships with their sexualities and how they came to find each other are pretty different. We start with Ray.
In high school I basically just identified as a lesbian. Um, I hadn't even heard of the word trans or didn't even know what being trans was. I just had relationships with women. Uh and when I started my transition, I was probably for the first year and a bit, didn't really get in a relationship or wasn't really sexually interested in anyone because I was kind of focusing on working on myself. And then probably about two or three years into it, um, taking testosterone tends to really increase your sex drive. So I was a bit more interested in yeah, trying to get with people and and just explore what I was interested in. I had never been with a guy and I thought It's probably worth trying. I thought maybe it could be interesting.
And I did have sex with a few guys just um casually. I never dated any of them. I didn't really find myself interested in getting to know any of them, to be honest. I guess I could say that I identify as pansexual because I'm just interested in people as a whole. About four to five years into my transition. Um I moved to Sydney, um and I wanted to join like a trans social group to meet more trans people and um and it was through the social group that I started to see a lot of other people kind of identify as either pansexual or bisexual and it feels like A lot of trans people, when you go through the journey of discovering your gender and learning more about yourself, you become more open with who you might also be interested in.
And that was when I met Chrissy, um, my fiance at the social group. And I had never even considered dating a trans woman, not that I was against it, but uh joining a social group kind of opened me up to the yeah, whole new experiences.
My journey I I always knew that I was transgender. Uh I didn't know that was the word, but I knew that I was different and I knew that I was supposed to be a girl, even when I was five years old, I just had this innate sense that something was not quite right with me. I felt like something was missing. And then as I grew up I thought it was probably easier for me if I identified as gay and just stayed as a um cis male and told everyone that I was gay. uh because I was pretty pretty feminine. Not that every gay man is feminine, but that's just how I identified. I never dated anyone. I never really had sex with anyone either. I probably have had sex with two people in my whole life. Both times were uncomfortable because I wasn't who I
really was. Uh, I didn't feel comfortable in my body and I just knew that I was doing it because I felt pressure to do that. And then I told my parents one day that I was transgender, a transgender woman. The day that I told them was the day that my life changed. I found a doctor, I did all those kinds of things. Um, went on hormones, was living my life. I didn't think I'd ever meet anyone romantically. Uh I just didn't think it was going to happen for me. And then one day I met Ray.
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