How to get back into the dating game after a breakup
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How can I tell if I’m ready to start dating again after a breakup?
I guess I'm a little bit scared to get my feelings hurt again. For so long it felt like I was grieving the loss of someone that was still there and he'd walked off with my heart.
Warning, adult content. The hookup. Love and on Triple J.
If you've been out of the dating game for a while, it can be tough putting yourself back out there. How do you do it? What if your flirting game's a bit rusty? What do you say when you match with someone on the apps? And how do you know you're ready to open your heart to someone new? Hey, I'm Nat Tencich, and for some it can take a long, long time to feel ready to open yourself up again to love. But for others, not so much. One listener came to the hookup wondering if she'd gone back in too soon.
My name's Michelle. I'm from Melbourne and I'm talking to Hookup about breakups and how to date after them. I was in a serious relationship for two years. We moved pretty fast. We were living together within the first few months and I took a big step in selling all of my stuff and coming up here to Melbourne to make a life of it and now things have ended, you know, I find myself thinking, I'm ready to start dating again, but is it too soon? We broke up over three or four months ago and then we did the classic try things again, get back together, which didn't work out. So it's been a clean slate broken up for the past uh six to eight weeks. And so what makes you think it's too soon? Other people's opinions.
Everyone has something to say about breakups and how to do them. There's contributions to whether it's a lack of respect to move on to soon. I always question whether I'm ready mentally and if I'm just gonna fall straight back into the habits that I had before. I'm over my ex and I think that in a lot of relationships and in particular mine things were over long before they were over. So It had been probably six to twelve months where things had slowly been slipping and then for the majority of that last six months, you know, there was time apart. We were doing things independently rather than together, but it was just that we came back to the same house every night. I mean we weren't even sharing a bed for the past three or four months of our relationship.
So I think that I truly know that that was ending and I was starting to move on before there was the actual breakup there. That part I know, but then of course there's always that influence of opinions and judgments. I mean, Facebook official, we were over a few months ago and that's what everybody else gets to hear and see when you know the two lives no longer are being lived together or those important things like you tell others or people just breaking it down to oh I see you're not in photos together anymore or you're no longer in a relationship on Facebook.
What exactly have your friends said to you about this situation that have that has given you pause?
Well it's been a bit of a mixed bag, some tell me to jump straight on Tinder, but a lot of older, wiser friends that perhaps have been through breakups before are suggesting that this is me time, you know, that time that you get to really discover what you enjoy, that opportunity to be selfish and make decisions, whether it be about travel, be about money, or even just not going out on a Saturday night and being able to choose for yourself what you're doing without the concerns of impacting another person. What do you want to do? I think ultimately I want to be happy and I am happy within myself now and I love sharing things with others. I've been social my entire life and the connection that you can make with another person is something that I've only really truly discovered in a romantic relationship in the past five years.
I think that I just want to find that again, that opportunity to share what you love with somebody else and get to do those experiences like travel and going out or sharing food with somebody else. So do you think you're ready? That's the ultimate question. And I think that pause and hesitation makes me question myself, but
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How can I tell if I’m ready to start dating again after a breakup?
0:01–5:09
2
What signs indicate it’s too soon to jump back into a new relationship?
5:09–9:10
3
How do I rebuild confidence and improve my flirting skills after time away?
9:10–13:47
4
What are practical steps for using dating apps without feeling overwhelmed?
13:47–18:26
5
How can I set healthy boundaries and communicate my needs on a first date?
18:26–22:11
6
When should I bring up past relationship baggage with a new partner?
22:11–25:41
7
How do I avoid comparing new partners to my ex and stay present?
25:41–30:02
8
What strategies help me pace myself and prevent dating burnout?
30:02–34:30