How to live the kink life
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How did the host’s early experiences shape their interest in kink?
So I got into light bondage as a late teen with my partner at the time, just as a little bit of experimentation, and I guess it kind of planted the seed and it's kinda grown into a bit of a passion of mine. So my fetish actually started off as a phobia. When I was a kid, I was really scared of balloons. So I
I enjoy being submissive in a dynamic with my partner and in particular degradation. So you've got a kink or fetish. Maybe you've just discovered it and are slowly learning how to embrace it. Maybe you've known forever, but you're still struggling with those feelings that come up when you have something that's out of the ordinary, like shame or Yeah. Look, wherever you're at with it, you might be thinking How open should I be with my kink? Who should I tell? Should I start living a fetish lifestyle or finding like minded people? Should I start wearing my harness onto my work shirts or going to events? And what if my kink is dangerous and morally not okay? Is there any way I can change what I'm into? Well
Nat Tantrich here, and if you haven't already listened, I want you to head back into your podcast feed and check out the episode just before this one. We covered the basics of kink, delved deep into the psychology of it all, and how to navigate it in your intimate relationships. But in this episode, we'll get into how to find a kink community, how to deal if your fetish is kind of morally dubious, and how to make sure. the play you're having is consensual and safe. When you shared your stories with us about finding your kinks and fetishes, some of you said it was such a relief when you told people about it. Like a weight had been lifted. But that might not be the case for everyone, especially if you are.
As I said earlier, dealing with a lot of shame. So how open should you be? What should you think about before you decide to potentially shout it from the rooftop? Director and founder of Ships, Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services, psychologist Doctor Sarah Ashton, says it really depends on what you're hoping to get out of it. or why you might want to come out to other people. What will it mean for you?
For some people. really being able to genuinely acknowledge and integrate this into their perception of themselves and and their their kind of broader public identity can be liberating, you know, just as it can be liberating to kind of reveal any other parts of our identity or our person, you know. But a lot of people choose not to do this because there is this stigma and shame attached to it. And so I think it really comes down to you asking yourself, what is it that I'm hoping to achieve with this? And how am I expecting people to respond? You know, because sometimes if we want to accept something within ourselves, we externalize this to the world around us and we want other people to accept this, you know.
want the experience of oh I tell my parents, you know, that that I'm into bondage and they say, That's wonderful, darling. And and then I feel truly whole, you know, and and so I think that It's really important to kind of be aware of what your internal motivations are and be realistic about what you think will be the response, what you think will be the outcome, you know, because if you're going to get a negative response, it's important that you're you're prepared for that, that you're, that you're being realistic about that. And you might say, well, look, even if I do, you know, it matters to me and it matters that I'm being aligned with myself and I'm being genuine and that's the most important thing.
When should I be open about my kink and who is safe to tell?
And then Great. But make sure that you're just carefully You know, that you're looking after your own safety and you're looking after your own emotional safety by considering all the possible responses and outcomes.
Absolutely. We can't be super naive here. You have to think about what kind of impact being open about your fetish might have on the people around you, especially if there's some moral murkiness around your kink. That's something that listener Eliza went through with
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
How did the host’s early experiences shape their interest in kink?
0:00–3:40
2
When should I be open about my kink and who is safe to tell?
3:40–6:28
3
Where can I find a supportive kink community and what resources help?
6:28–9:48
4
What should I consider if my fetish feels morally or legally questionable?
9:48–13:29
5
How can I cope with shame around a dangerous or illegal fetish?
13:29–17:03
6
Why is ongoing consent crucial for high‑risk play like choking?
17:03–21:07
7
How do I can protect my privacy and stay safe online as a kinkster?
21:07–24:29
8
What steps can the kink community take to foster acceptance and change?
24:29–28:57