I think I have a kink, now what?
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What exactly are kink and fetish and how are they defined?
The real stand.
What if I break them?
Then there'll be consequences.
Punishment.
Yes.
No, no, no, stop. We're we're not we're not doing another fifty shades thing. I just I can't. I mean it is probably the most mainstream reference you have when it comes to kink, or maybe if you saw normal people this year, you'd have an idea of kink involving leather, pain, whips, chains, masters and slaves. But it's so, so much more. It's not just stuff or or a particular roleplay. It's a certain obsession and fascination that can take anyone at any time. And it can take any form. Kink is a part of the sex world, but if you've never ventured much past the vanilla, you might be wondering how fetish works, whether everyone has one, and how you find them. Nat Tencich here, and in this episode, we're honing in on the basics of kink and looking at the psychology behind it, how to find your fetish, and how to bring kinkplay into relationships.
Someone who works with kinks and fetishes regularly in her practice is psychologist Dr. Sarah Ashton. She's the director and founder of Ships, Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services. Sarah says it's a term that's thrown around a lot, which can cause a bit of confusion. But it's actually pretty straightforward.
Basically, it's an umbrella term that encompasses a whole range of atypical sexual experiences so like anything that sits outside the norm and Of course, when it comes to sexual experiences, like who knows what the norm is because there's so much diversity. But yeah, anything that's atypical in the erotic realm, um, in terms of pleasurable, fun, intimate, self-expressive um interests or behaviors.
I mean, I guess you could even say anything other than missionary, right? So what's a fetish? Is it the same thing? Or Sarah says it comes under the umbrella of kink.
So a fetish is a sort of like a subcategory, I guess you could say, um, and it's a specific arousal to an object or a specific target.
What sorts of like categories or common themes arise when it comes to fetish? Like what are sort of the big ones?
The main categories would probably be anything that involves like a difference in power, so like a hierarchical power structure in terms of the relationship between the people involved. Anything that involves intense stimulation, so um this might involve physical or psychological pain. Another category would be forms of sexual stimulation, so this might involve sensory deprivation, sensory confusion or restraints. Another category would be role playing or fantasies of different sexual scenarios. And then um maybe the use of um objects or material. to again enhance the the sensations and the sexual experience. Um and then, you know, just kind of like anything else that Um there's there's you know, when you try and think and and list all the kind of kings and fetishes, I mean
You know, you think of it, there's probably a a kink or a fetish that's involved with it. So yeah.
Okay. So how does a kink or fetish develop?
How do psychologists categorize the most common kink and fetish themes?
And where does it come from?
One way to look at kinks is that they are a form of or they can be a form of emotional reconciliation. So if you've had a difficult emotional experience or even like just any kind of Experience that maybe is a bit scary in your past. And you look at the experience of like sex and intimacy. Sex and intimacy is obviously something that feels nice. It gives you like lots of wonderful chemicals that move through your body and your mind. And so a lot of the time, you know, kinks or particular scenarios like role-playing can actually provide like an alternative. ending and an alternative emotional association with perhaps an experience which was was not so great in the past, right? So if we think about, you know, like a a daddy king, for instance, right?
So um a lot of people grow up perhaps with fathers who are maybe a little bit more emotionally withheld or they they don't know how to express love and and and warmth and communication. perhaps in a way that some people would would like to receive or would need to receive it in that way.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What exactly are kink and fetish and how are they defined?
0:00–3:28
2
How do psychologists categorize the most common kink and fetish themes?
3:28–8:39
3
What psychological factors cause a kink or fetish to develop?
8:39–12:43
4
Can past trauma or childhood experiences shape a person’s kink?
12:43–16:29
5
Why is there so much shame and stigma around kink and how can it be reduced?
16:29–20:56
6
How can you discover whether you have a kink or fetish?
20:56–24:36
7
What’s the best way to talk to a partner about your kink or fetish?
24:36–28:24
8
Where can someone find safe kink communities and resources for continued learning?
28:24–32:12