Is coming out outdated?
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What does “coming out” actually mean in 2021?
This is an ABC Podcast.
I've been thinking about why I haven't come out yet. Maybe it's because it doesn't seem fair that only gay people have to come out. Why is straight the default?
Imagine if straight people had to come out. Like that bit in Love Simon where he wishes that all of his straight friends just understood what it was like. A bit of a fantasy about the closet being on the other side of the house for once. Coming out has always been this big thing if you're LGBTQIA plus. It's when you tell the world about your true self. It used to have this sense of being like a whole thing, like a big emotional post on your social or a big serious sit down reveal with your parents with tears and everything.
Hey Dad, what would you do if I married a woman?
Be happy
for you? Mum. I have to tell you something. I'm
gay.
Oh my god.
That I am gay.
But it is a bit of an effort. It can be a scary thing to do. To tell people you're not what they expected you were. to hope they're okay with it, to come to terms with the fact that you're different. You have a different label. Wouldn't it be easier to just not? And with queer visibility being more mainstream than ever, with movies like Love Simon and all the shows and the TikToks and the discourse and the pride. Is there even really a closet anymore? I'm Nat Tencich and on this episode you'll learn how to work out who, when and why to come out, when it's okay to stay in, and how we should be rethinking this concept altogether. Coming out, isn't that big dinner table? Gather round, I have something to tell you announcement for every queer person.
It's a bit messy and complicated. It's a different conversation with everyone in your life. I first came out in an email to my former boss. I told him I was pansexual in an email about wanting this job. That was the first time I'd defined myself to anyone. And it wasn't even quite the right definition in the end. I didn't come out to myself until over a year later, even though I was with a woman look. I was in a lot of denial. If you listen to this podcast, you know this about me. I've never sat down with my family. And had a big chat. Though they do listen to this podcast, so I assume we've never had to talk about it.
Why do some people feel the closet should be a straight‑person’s problem too?
If they didn't know before, they know now. So I wanted to know how you came out too. The hookup fam had a lot of different perspectives.
So I first came out to my parents I think when I was eighteen. Um and I came out with my family. So with my parents and my brother and my sister, I pretty much was at dinner and I just said to them that I am not straight. I was like at the time I didn't really know I was um questioning. My family was, yeah, really welcoming. They were really open and everything. It was really good. It was a really positive experience. I was a bit scared 'cause my dad's fairly Catholic, but he was really open and accepting, which was really nice. At the time I was going through like a few like mental health issues and I feel like I just needed to kind of get a lot out of My season might get a lot off my chest. my family as well and I kinda thought
If I'm getting all of this other stuff out, I might as well just spill all the beans. So um it was a really kind of invigorating um experience, I guess. Like I did feel a lot lighter after I had that conversation. I felt like I was a bit more genuine as a person to my family, which was really great. I'm five, but I haven't come out to my family because I'm in a straight sort of passing relationship. And I sort of worry that if I were to come out to my family they would think that there's something wrong in my relationship for me to want to come out and say, Well, I like girls. I've been with my partner for seven years now. Sort of only discovered it maybe halfway through our relationship 'cause we got together in high school really young, so
I sort of didn't really realise until I was maybe twenty, twenty one that maybe I am bi. And I think now it would be weird for me to tell my family 'cause it's so far into my relationship. But my partner's fine with it, which is good, that really is all that matters.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does “coming out” actually mean in 2021?
0:02–2:39
2
Why do some people feel the closet should be a straight‑person’s problem too?
2:39–5:30
3
How have personal coming‑out experiences changed over time?
5:30–8:02
4
Do listeners think coming out is an outdated concept?
8:02–11:17
5
How can you decide when and how to come out safely?
11:17–15:04
6
What should you do if a coming‑out conversation goes badly?
15:04–19:39
7
Which resources and tools can help you plan a coming‑out?
19:39–23:09
8
What are the final takeaways on why coming out can be empowering—or not?
23:09–28:45