Is it time to rethink virginity?
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What does “virginity” actually mean and why is it controversial?
Don't scare her. What? What's wrong? Cher is saving herself for Luke Perry. Cher, you're a virgin? God, you say that like it's a bad thing. Besides, the PC term is hymenally challenged. I gave him everything. I was half a virgin when I met him.
Hold up, hold up, hold up. Yo, answer this question. Are you a virgin? Are you a virgin?
Yeah, not since I was 10. It all makes sense. You're a virgin.
What do you think of when you hear the word virgin? You probably think of someone who hasn't had sex, right? I mean, that's what we've always been told growing up, in all the movies we watched and in sex ed, that to lose your virginity, you have to have PNV intercourse. But if sex, like we say all the time here on The Hookup, is the whole package, you know, out of course, foreplay, oral, anal, and is all about pleasure, then why is there so much hype and pressure around a penis going into a vagina? And if you're not hetero, then what does it mean for you? How are you supposed to deal with the whole concept of losing your virginity? if it might be something that completely excludes you. What counts as your first time?
Nat Tenchich here, and there's been a bit of chat happening lately around virginity being an outdated construct and that maybe we should bin the word and define our first times for ourselves. So in this episode, we're going to find out where the concept even came from, why it's something that causes people so much embarrassment and shame. And if we are going to come up with a new term, what it should be instead. This whole discussion is something I've been thinking a lot about because at first I was like well if you haven't had a sexual experience or you have but you didn't like it and you didn't want it to count can you really rewrite that truth like come on but then I remember that I did that very thing when talking about my first time
See, I had actually had penetrative sex before what I've always counted as my first time. My boyfriend and I were sneaking around, trying to get it where we could, and this one time we only got halfway in, like just the tip, before almost getting caught. So we stopped. I called myself a half-virgin for the month before our actual first time. So was that my real first time? But then why that time? Maybe I should have counted my first sexual experience, which was the time I was fingered during a sleepover on my mate's bedroom floor. Same guy. We were very classy.
How do personal stories illustrate different definitions of a “first time”?
But then again, that wasn't my first sexual experience because I masturbated before that. I played with myself and gave myself an orgasm in the shower. So was that my first time? It got me thinking, what do you call your first time? Here's what you told us.
Hey Triple J, my name is Rachel and I'm from Melbourne. What do I think defines a first time? I can only speak about my experience as a straight woman, which of course is going to be completely different to other straight women and of course to other sexually identifying folk. I counted my first time as penetration and still see that as what defines a first time. I'd had other sexual experiences prior to this. However, I never saw any of those experiences as losing my virginity. I must add, that as i've gotten older and become more sexually aware and open sex is definitely not just penetrative and that's one misconception about sex that i'd like to see changed going forward yes i know that sounds entirely contradictory to what i've just said about what defines your first time at the end of the day it's your body and your choice so whatever sexual experience you've had that you want to define or label as your first time go for it
society and its labels shouldn't be the ones to tell you what your first time was and wasn't
hey the hookup jaden from brisbane here i do think it should be up to the individual to define what virginity means for them personally as a straight male i'd say i lost my virginity when i had pv sex with my girlfriend when i was 18. stupidly i made her wait for months because i was insecure about not being her first she said i was good for a virgin though
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does “virginity” actually mean and why is it controversial?
0:00–2:46
2
How do personal stories illustrate different definitions of a “first time”?
2:46–6:33
3
Why does the traditional penis‑vagina focus exclude many sexual experiences?
6:33–12:21
4
What historical and cultural roots gave rise to the virginity myth?
12:21–16:04
5
How does shame, purity culture, and consent shape the virginity narrative?
16:04–19:34
6
What alternative terms (e.g., “sexual debut”) are being proposed and why?
19:34–21:59
7
How can individuals reclaim agency over their own sexual milestones?
21:59–25:46
8
What practical steps can listeners take to redefine their own “first time”?
25:46–28:33