Open relationships
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What are the main concerns people have before trying an open relationship?
For us, it was about the sex, but then he started sort of seeing a girl and met her parents and that kind of thing, and I was totally not okay with that. I pretty much told him I didn't really want to speak to her anymore, and then I found out six months later that he still was. It can work for lots of other different people, but for me, I never would. I don't think I can trust anyone that enough anymore.
Like,
there was a bit of cheating on his behalf as well and that kind of thing, so I wouldn't do it again, but I'm sure it works for other people.
The hookup. Love
and on Triple J.
How do you figure out if an open relationship, as in staying together but being able to have sex with other people, is worth trying? It could be great. You could explore your sexual boundaries and even become more solid as a couple. Or it could completely backfire and potentially mean the end of the relationship. So how do you figure it out? Joining us on the podcast is Clinton Power, who is a couples therapist. First, we spoke to a caller who was in an open relationship until her boyfriend started to get controlling.
Well, I did talk to my partner about it. He was keen on the idea. I was quite surprised. So we tried it out. A few weeks going into this, he got really suspicious and jealous, which I thought it was kind of normal at first, of course. But then he asked to put a tracker on my phone. So,
yeah, I
was like, I'm
an
adult. I don't need a tracker on my phone. This is what it's about, to trust each other.
Wow, yeah. Why even agree to be in an open relationship if those are the terms and conditions? There's nothing open about that.
Well, we did talk. We did say, like, if we did get jealous, we'd talk to each other, which is what we did. But I did not think it would... like get to that, like get a tracker on my phone.
And so how did it all end up?
So I said no, of course, to the tracker. I was like, look, like don't babysit me like this. And he's very close with his mum. So he ended up telling his mum and brought her up at a family dinner a few months later. So that wasn't the best thing. but I got some awkward questions, like, why would you even suggest being an open relationship? Like, you should have my son for all he is.
Oh. That sounds like a very awkward luncheon. Very
lunch. We broke up the week after.
Yeah, look, Ellen, that's not a shocker to me, to be honest.
But to anyone out there, like, definitely try it.
How can you tell if an open relationship is right for you?
If you really want to, like, give it a go, but you've got to be honest with your partner. Yeah.
Yeah. Thanks so much for getting in touch with us, Ellen. Really appreciate it. No worries. Joining us in the studio to help us figure out open relationships is Clinton Power, who's a clinical relationships counselor and couples therapist. Clinton, thanks for being with us.
Hi, Hannah. Great to be here.
So Ellen's boyfriend asked her to put a tracker on her phone. Does that sound like a healthy open relationship to you, Clinton?
No, it certainly doesn't. I mean, that's kind of called stalking, isn't it? You know, I think she did touch on something there. Ellen said you have to have good communication. I think that's really essential because to have a successful open relationship, you have to prioritise communication, honesty, openness, collaboration and respect. They have to be, that has to be the foundation of opening any relationship. And you know what, even the strongest couples can still struggle with feelings of anxiety, jealousy, anger and hurt. So it's always, that potential is always around the corner. So it's a really tricky area for a lot of couples.
Yeah, definitely. What are some of the reasons couples who come and see you want to start open relationships?
That's a great question. It's very varied depending on the couple. You know, for some couples, they might want more variety, novelty, you know, different sexual ventures. Sometimes our partner can't actually provide everything we want in, you know, sexually in a relationship. So that's where sometimes an open relationship can help you meet those sexual needs in other ways where maybe your primary partner can't.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What are the main concerns people have before trying an open relationship?
0:00–2:56
2
How can you tell if an open relationship is right for you?
2:56–5:13
3
What does a couples therapist say about healthy open‑relationship communication?
5:13–8:24
4
Why do couples choose to open their relationship in the first place?
8:24–12:41
5
How should couples set clear rules and boundaries for an open relationship?
12:41–15:55
6
What strategies help manage jealousy and insecurity in open relationships?
15:55–19:32
7
How can partners protect each other from STI risk and decide what details to share?
19:32–22:41
8
What steps can you take to rebuild trust if an open relationship goes wrong?
22:41–26:09