Pre-booked holidays with new relationships

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The Hook Up 26 min 2 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 3 days ago

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What should you do when you meet someone right before a pre‑booked holiday?

Matt 0:00

I did have a trip planned with um a couple of mates. Just before we were meant to be flying out, met a girl who I connected with. Uh really really well and yeah it was uh I was working flying play out at the time I had a lot of uh time up there just to um think about my emotions by myself and um a couple of days before I was flying home from one of my swings I had to call the boys and let them know that I'd made the decision to uh pull out of Europe because I wanted to see where this could go with the scale.

Elizabeth Shaw 0:31

The hookup Love

Hannah Riley 0:38

and

Elizabeth Shaw 0:39

honey

Hannah Riley 0:42

on Triple J Warning. Sex

Elizabeth Shaw 0:46

and adult themes.

Hannah Riley 0:48

Have you ever found that timing and relationships are a really funny thing? You always seem to meet someone when you least expect it. On the podcast we're talking about What do you do when you fall for someone right before you or they go traveling? Do you do long distance for a short term? Is it fair for you to ask them to wait while you're off gallivanting around the world? On the podcast, you'll hear from a couple where he decided, after a short time of dating, that she was the one, and so at the very last minute cancelled his boy's trip to Europe. But first, joining us on the podcast is Dr. Elizabeth Shaw. She is the clinical director of Relationships Australia.

Elizabeth Shaw 1:29

It's a really tricky one, isn't it? Because uh um I've spoken to a lot of people who almost who've who've been trying to meet someone and almost dread that they might meet someone when they've got a trip planned because they think, Oh, what how unlucky would that be? Um, and uh the trouble is that when you meet someone the meeting can feel heightened. You can actually um maybe overestimate the importance of it because you're aware of the trip and that sense of, you know, like a car crash waiting to happen. I've met someone They're going to be the right person and I'm going to lose them already. It could also mean that you falsely estimate their importance. And that also becomes a tricky judgment call to make.

Elizabeth Shaw 2:19

Skype, of course, makes things a lot easier. But there's there's a lot lot of things that can happen that can you know, you hang on written words in a different way than you do with verbal words, you know Verbal expression. That um if you're out with someone, you can chat on, you can find out what they really meant. But when someone sent you a text and you're in a different time zone, you get it in the middle of the night, you can get really preoccupied with it and you can think, what does that word mean? And what does that sentence mean? Um and misunderstandings can creep up on you. And so I think there is something about how you negotiate the terms and how you cut each other slack that's actually quite important in a distance relationship.

Elizabeth Shaw 2:57

So Elizabeth,

Hannah Riley 2:58

how do you broach the topic? Maybe you're seeing someone new. How do you have that conversation with them that like I maybe want to be single only while I'm overseas uh and then I'm hoping that you'll be here for when I get back? Like how do you do that without hurting their feelings?

Elizabeth Shaw 3:15

Well, see that's a that's a different kettle of fish altogether where where you're actually wanting a break and and this can mean many different things. I think I think really if people in their heart of hearts really examined this, it would be because they have some doubts about the relationship. And because although they're really enjoying the relationship and if they were here they'd see it through. The the going on the trip. um makes them think, look, I'm not sure and I don't want to be tied, um, but I wanna hedge my bets.

How can adult themes and timing affect a new relationship before travel?

Pete 3:45

Um Um

Elizabeth Shaw 3:45

and I think that's the more dangerous conversation to have. And people don't want to have that dangerous conversation because maybe they're not really sure if that's true. Um and so instead they say, can we put things on hold? Can we cool them a bit? Um can we slow it down? Um and and I'm not saying that those might all be legitimate possibilities too, but I think they're all ways of saying Look, I'm not sure about this and um and you know, let's leave open the possibility of meeting someone else.