Sexidents
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What warning does the host give about the graphic nature of this episode?
Guys, this podcast is going to get full on. It's some of the most graphic adult content that we've ever looked at. There'll be broken penises, there'll be lost items in buttholes, and there's going to be a trip to the emergency ward. So if you're not into it, well, consider yourself warned. Triple J's The Hookup podcast with Hannah Riley. Sponing can be at times a clumsy, dangerous activity. Things can go wrong between consenting adults. We're talking about sex-related accidents, aka sexidents. Bangtastrophes. Jizzaps. For me personally, the sexident that I've encountered the most is falling out of bed. Both of you in this kind of naked tumbleweed tangle of limbs crashing to the floor. Hopefully when it happens to you, if it hasn't already happened yet, which it will, you'll be doing it with someone who is relaxed with you enough to be able to laugh it off because that silent naked climb back into the bed is pretty much the most mortifying moment you could ever share with another human.
We put the call out for your sexident stories and found that even mums can get involved.
Well, I was a young pup in my mid-twenties. I had a long-term girlfriend at that point. So we were having intercourse and I felt like a bit of pain, but it was masked with the sort of excitement of having sex. So I heard a gurgling noise, like a plunger coming out of a toilet. And I reached down and I'd known what periods look like. So I asked, is this... the time and she was like no no that's not that's not me turn the lights on and it was a crime scene like there was so much blood it was it was a puddle and i realized i had snapped my banjo string the piece of skin that attaches the foreskin to the head of the penis and as much as we could we stopped the bleeding and rushed to hospital where I had to wait in the emergency with my hand down my pants.
The nurses found it quite funny, though. The miraculous part of the story is when I got home, my mum, with the utmost discretion and professionalism, just cleaned everything. The mattress protector, the sheets, the doona, everything.
Here to share his tales of sexual mishaps is comedian Joel Creasy. Thank you so much for joining The Hookup.
Hello. I don't have many vagina accident stories, though. What?
That completely shocks me. Now, what's been your history specifically of sexual mishaps?
Oh, I mean, just so many. I was enjoying the company of several other gentlemen. And I was leaning over the bed to grab something. Who knows what? Possibly a condom. And was, like, grabbing it. But I had to kind of, like, tug at something. And I pulled too hard. Well, hello. And pulled, like, too hard. And I think maybe I was, like, tugging a sheet. I'm not sure.
You were just making the bed with ten other people in it. And I was like, I
just want to keep it nice and clean. And elbow shot straight back and hit the guy behind me in the nose.
And
he immediately got a blood nose and ran out. Like, he was furious as well because he was like a model or something.
Oh, no. And
I ruined his portfolio.
Oh, he's got it insured, I'm sure, if he's, you know, worth his salt. That's amazing. So I can imagine those kind of like group menagerie whatever situations are very much prone to sexidence.
Well, absolutely, especially when it's all men because, you know, it's just hilarious, a whole bunch of men in one bed. You know, there's a lot of people and arms and muscles moving around. There's always accidents. There's always, you know, you're always like someone's like on top of you and there's nothing less sexy when you're having sex and going, ow, get off. You're
squashing me. You're
squashing
me. Ow, stop
it. I've definitely said that.
Now, Maddie, thanks so much for calling The Hook Up. We just heard from Serge earlier who broke what is known as a banjo string. Now, Maddie, what's your experience with this? You tried to show off some new sex moves to an
ex? Yes, I did. So I was going out to drinks with a past lover, someone who had been very early in the scene for me. And, you know, I think early on in your sex life,
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What warning does the host give about the graphic nature of this episode?
0:00–4:33
2
How did the listener’s “banjo‑string” injury happen and what was the outcome?
4:33–8:36
3
What chaotic mishap did Joel Creasy describe from a group‑sex encounter?
8:36–14:51
4
What are the most common sex‑related injuries seen by Dr John in the ER?
14:51–18:39
5
What safety rules does the doctor recommend to avoid sex‑accidents?
18:39–23:49
6
What does Dean Beck’s “Lend a Hand” workshop teach about anal fisting?
23:49–30:02
7
What are the key techniques and misconceptions about safe anal fisting?
30:02–31:44
8
How do the hosts wrap up the episode and what final advice do they give listeners?
31:44–32:13