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Chapter 1: When is the right time to say I love you?
I say I love you to my friends all the time. Like I'm an I love you slut.
But when it comes to a relationship, I'm really stubborn. If I was to let my heart just like pour out of me and say I love you to somebody. You'd be saying it within a week. I would freak someone out.
So me and my partner have been together for six months and I said I love you after four months. She still hasn't said I love you.
I do really feel it, but I just cannot say it yet because these words, they really mean a lot to me.
So when he did say it, he also said, it was okay if I didn't feel the same or wasn't ready to say it as it didn't change the way that he felt.
Honestly, I do not regret telling him that early on. I'm a very, very big believer. If you feel it in the moment, you should just express how you feel.
Hi, I'm Dee Salmon and do you know what I'm loving at the moment? What are you loving, Dee Salmon? The female gaze going mainstream. I am obsessed with Off Campus. Just finished it. Nice. And it just made me realise how robbed I was growing up watching so many TV shows and movies that were through the male gaze. Off campus, there's a lot of casual sex, right?
And a lot of hookups and like guys who were just like not really wanting to commit or whatever. But they're still so dreamy, so respectful, so consensual. The vibes are high across everyone. And I'm like, this is what I wish I grew up watching because it would have changed a lot of the people I ended up sleeping with.
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Chapter 2: What factors influence how soon you should say I love you?
That makes a lot of sense. I'm only one episode in. And immediately I was like, oh, the EQ on these men, like really different to what we normally see in terms of like a soapy kind of like rom-com-y TV show, right?
And everyone's going, all the guys are going down on girls. That's the sex they're having.
We love that. Eating pussy. That's it. And you know what? It's not only off campus. We got heated rivalry. We got some Bridgerton issues. It's very female gays at the moment and we love it. And romantic-y. So, yeah, I'm really, really loving that for once it's all about the girlies.
I love that.
Yeah, it's really healing. Hi, I'm Pip Rasmussen and what I'm loving at the moment is 2016 Renaissance in terms of pop culture. Yes. You may have noticed, like, people were posting online, like, you know, throwbacks, like, earlier this year to, like, 2016 because everything's just, like, so cooked at the moment. They were like, here's 2016 me.
And then, like, let's put all these, like, fun filters on our photos like it's 2016 and, like, just not care about, like, social media really. But I was going to say specifically, like, music. Your boy, Kid Baroi, his new music is so, so in the club 2016. Like, you'd hear it at, like, a department.
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Chapter 3: How do personal experiences shape our views on saying I love you?
Like David Guetta. Yeah, like a department store, like, kind of fun vibe where you're just like. Like, er, er, er. Simple, fun, good. Yes. Like that. And his vocals, I'm just like, there's something about this. And I was like, I think he's, I think someone in the room, the producers were like, hey, nostalgia stuff is really working this year because everyone's really burnt out. Let's do that.
And it's, I'm loving it. Everyone wants to go back to a simpler time. Look, we aren't, we're not going to be talking about a simpler time. We're actually going to be talking about, well, it might be simple for some people, but it can be really complicated. It can be. Saying I love you for the first time.
The three scariest words in a relationship.
Yeah.
Are you the kind of person that like runs towards that and you're just like blurting it out? Or are you the kind of person that's like holding off and being like, oh, it's too much?
Yeah. For some people, it can genuinely be like one of the hardest things to say. They might have never grown up saying it. Their parents might have not said it to them. Maybe they've never said it to anyone before. So we want to explore, firstly, how long...
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Chapter 4: What should you do if your partner doesn't say I love you back?
Should it take? Yeah. Because I think we have some unspoken rules that we need to unpack about when you should have already said it. Yes. But also when it's too quick to say it.
Yes. And when you say it and then the person doesn't say it back and like maybe explore the reasons like why that might be. We're also going to look at like the classic argument of like timing versus feeling when you say I love you and figure out where you stand on that. And also maybe when you shouldn't say it. There's so many angles of this. I fear that this is going to be a long podcast.
So let's get into it.
So I don't think I've even mentioned this on the pod yet, Pip, but we've had a new producer. Wow, I just like really slight myself. Um,
feel really strongly about this we've had a new producer who's been helping out uh every now and then with the hookup her name is camille she's fabulous and she actually was the inspiration behind this episode because she is seeing someone at this current time and they haven't said i love you yet and it's starting to freak her out and so she was like can you please do a whole episode about when is the right time what to do if you say it and they don't say it back
Yeah. So obviously great topic, something we haven't actually really covered, I don't think, for a couple of years at least. So we wanted to get into it. Before we get into your answers, just quickly, where do you stand in terms of saying I love you? Is this something that you're really scared about and it's something you take really seriously or what?
With my first boyfriend, I was so scared to do it. Like felt physically sick. Like I just like couldn't do it.
Yeah.
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Chapter 5: How does timing affect the expression of love in relationships?
And I think I have not really – like I say I love you to my friends all the time. Like I'm an I love you slut. But when it comes to a relationship, I'm really stubborn. Like I – Just I'm so guarded, which everyone who listens to this already knows, like I'm so cautious in love.
And so I am definitely someone who will go for as long as possible without saying it and be really stubborn in wanting them to say it first. Okay. I'm like the complete opposite.
Yeah, I was like, you are so opposite to that. I am the kind of person that is holding back. Like I feel my feelings. I get really infatuated with people. I want to say it so quickly in romantic relationships. And most of the time I've been like the kind of person that's really trying to like not blurt it out. But then I always end up being the first person to say it. Which is so annoying.
But luckily it's always been reciprocated. No one's ever been like, that's nice. I'm like, fuck, thank God they felt the same way. So I feel like I always choose the right time. Yes. But I definitely am an I love you slut for sure.
I can't wait to get into the timing of it because I feel like it's such a nuanced art. But we did ask you on our Instagram at Triple J The Hookup. Go and follow us already if you aren't.
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Chapter 6: Why is communication important when saying I love you?
And we said, who said I love you first? Of course. 50-50. 50% of you said it first. 50% of your partner said it first.
Okay, so this is where I wish we had a more detailed poll, a way to really get into like the nuts and bolts of it because like I'm already asking questions of like is there a gendered split in here? Like are women more likely to say it first than men? We simply cannot do that on an Instagram poll.
It's not powerful enough. But here, speaking of gendered, which we love, speaking of gendered, we did get this voice memo from Jasmine who – Feels really similar to how I do. Personally, I find myself making the conscious choice to not be the person that says I love you first to a man as a woman.
I just get so physically sick and embarrassed at the thought of putting my heart out there and telling them I love them. And then they flip a switch and... That's not what this was. We never liked each other like that. You've gotten the wrong impression. Even though it was so clear that they loved you too, it just hits you hard in the heart. And I just don't want to do it anymore.
If I love someone, I will wait for them to tell me they love me. Jazz has been burned, obviously.
I know. And that's science. It's culture as well. It's like I think so many women have been burnt, so many hetero women have been so burnt by men in the past or from their parents and they've gone, do you know what?
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Chapter 7: What are the cultural differences in expressing love?
I don't feel safe. It's definitely a thing. But, yeah, I wish we did more of a poll. I know. I want to hear about the timelines, though, because this to me is – like I said, like a bit of an unspoken rule. I feel like realistically, you kind of want to say it within six months, right? We asked you, how long do you wait to tell a partner you love them? 6% of you, under a month. 49% of you...
One to three months, 32% of you, three to six, and 13% of you, six plus months. 49 between one and three. That is wild to me. I'm like – You think that's really quick. I've got milk that's been sitting in my fridge for longer. I'm just like – I don't know. You know how I feel, but I really believe that you don't truly know someone, like, after three months. Like, there's just no way.
There's no way. Well, this is funny because when Camille brought this to us, producer Camille, she was feeling absolutely sick to her stomach because we were like, well, how long has it been since your partner, you know, said I love you? She said, it's been six months. And we all went... Oh, but anyway.
That feels so normal to me.
Chapter 8: How can you express love without saying the words?
I don't know why. Like for me, six months feels so normal. And I'm so shocked by the one to three. How quickly have you said it before?
I would say I'm probably in that... just a crossover of like one to three or three to six. Like it's usually like, I would say a nice sweet spot for me would be like four months probably. I feel like you can fast track something because of social media and how much you talk and text to somebody.
If you're talking to them like every single day for like four months straight, it kind of does feel like you start to slip into that vibe of like, I really want to say it. And I think I've been there. And I think maybe with you and your partner, like how long did it take you guys? Yeah. More than six months.
Yeah, six plus months.
Yeah. And were you talking every day? No.
We would, we, I think I've said this before as well, like we dated really intentionally. Like we took our time.
Yeah.
Really getting to know each other. And I think that comes with life experience, right? Because I just feel like I've been so burnt in the past that with this relationship, I really did want to take it slowly and really get to know each other and actually be sure about each other before we like, yep, jumped in, said I love you and committed. Yeah.
Yeah.
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