When you feel ALL the feels in a relationship
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Why do people label someone as “too emotional” in a relationship?
When we say w you're too emotional or too sensitive, we say it like it's a judgment, like it's a bad thing. But being emotional is just someone that feels a lot. And that's alright, isn't it? To feel things. It's how we experience things, it's how we engage with the world around us.
Warning, adult content. The hookup. Love and on Triple J. Have you ever been called a bit too emotional in a relationship? Hey, I'm Nat Tencich. And if like me, you're the kind of person who feels all the feels, you might be used to being called over-emotional. And true, when one member of a relationship is more emotional than the other, and nobody knows how to handle that properly, it can cause all sorts of problems. Here's what you told me. about differing levels of emotion in relationships.
Crying cause I love Love you. When I was growing up my emotion was often referred to as Suki. It affected my friendships in school because it was always said that I was the sensitive one. Going into high school and having boyfriends was difficult. I fell hard and fast and I hated it. I remember one of my first boyfriends saying that he thought I was immature because I cried too much. Fast forward to leaving school, growing and changing, I have learnt why I am emotional. I am an empath. I absorb the emotion of others. Sometimes it's wonderful and feels like a natural high. Other times I want to curl up in a ball at the bottom of the shower and sob. For me it's all about finding the release. Talking your ear off, quietly meditating or taking a good walk.
It all helps. But the best relationship I have is my current. He is an incredible human who does everything he can to understand my emotion and ride the wave with me. I still have hard days but overall I enjoy my emotions. When I was around 16, I was dating this guy. We didn't date long, but after I broke up with him, he told me via MSN that I acted like a guy because I wasn't as emotional as his sister. I think I even screenshot what he said and kept it on my computer for ages because I thought it was such a bizarre thing to say. I guess he was just used to his sister, who is lovely but a girly girl, where I guess I'm a bit more of a tomboy. Or the fact that maybe I just didn't really like him and that's why I wasn't emotional.
I think really though he was just My boyfriend thinks. I'm too emotional. I'm a naturally thoughtful person. You know, the kind of human that waves like more than once when someone lets me in a lane while driving. And I like to remind people close to me that they're loved by sending things like gifts or texts or cards or photos, anything that means something to them. The I'm too emotional comment comes up a lot when my boyfriend's family's involved. Earlier this year they forgot my birthday and I was absolutely devastated.
How do personal experiences of being called “over‑emotional” shape relationship dynamics?
I cried a lot. My boyfriend did feel bad for me and he comforted me, but once again I was told I'm too emotional and the solution was to just not do nice things for them, which upset me even more because doing those things is part of what makes me me. My partner and I are on opposite ends of the emotionality scale. I'm easily overwhelmed with my own thoughts and feelings as well as with empathy emotion for the people that I care about. For the first year or so of our relationship, I thought my partner just kept all his emotions in, but then I realized that he simply doesn't have an emotional reaction to all the situations that I do. It took us a long time to be able to understand each other's emotional language and translate what support means for ourselves into what support means for each other.
But four and a half years later, we're still together. And while I've learned a lot from him about emotional self-defense and what situations I need to emotional. He's learnt a bit about empathy and emotional intelligence. My girlfriend is very emotional. She cries once every couple of days. She never cries about anything to do with our relationship though, so I don't really see it as a problem. I think it's got more to do with her previous relationships and her history of anxiety and depression.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do people label someone as “too emotional” in a relationship?
0:01–2:43
2
How do personal experiences of being called “over‑emotional” shape relationship dynamics?
2:43–5:36
3
What social and cultural factors give emotion a bad reputation?
5:36–8:57
4
How do listeners describe the challenges of mismatched emotional levels with partners?
8:57–12:08
5
What does a clinical psychologist define as an “emotional person”?
12:08–15:17
6
How can couples learn each other’s emotional language and translate support?
15:17–18:41
7
What practical tools help individuals manage overwhelming emotions in a partnership?
18:41–21:06
8
What does an emotionally healthy relationship look like when partners have different emotional intensities?
21:06–24:34