The Jordan Harbinger Show
1078: House Repairs Laggin' While He's Off the Wagon | Feedback Friday
15 Nov 2024
How can one verify serious accusations in a relationship?
Is there a way I can advocate for Todd to find a new housing option? How do I get him out of the house? To what extent should I even be involved? And how do I manage my own rage at this situation? Signed, looking for a fix for this worrisome roommate sitch.
Phew, okay. Well, like I said, this is obviously all concerning, and I'm very sorry that you and Emma are going through it. Even though there is some ambiguity here, I mean, in terms of how bad Todd really is, how intentional this stuff is, whether this guy is truly malicious or just kind of insensitive, her responses to the relationship, the crying, saying she's scared, acting nervous.
I mean, there's kind of only one conclusion you can draw from that, right? Which is something's not right here. So first of all, I just want to say you are doing so much right. You're attuned to your friend. You're regularly checking in with her. making space for her to share whatever she wants with you, being direct but also being gentle. You're a great friend.
She's lucky to have you in her life, in her apartment. The challenge is she has to accept that invitation and open up to you about what's really going on and or ask for help in order for you to do something here. And it sounds to me like she's giving you a little, but not really the full story. She's saying things like, well, he used to be rough with me, but now it's better.
But then she's not really explaining if she feels violated or if she feels like she's in danger. She's going, I'm scared, but she's not saying why she's scared, whether he's actually threatening to her or whether she's just afraid of speaking up. I don't really know. That's just a really tough spot to be in. Because you have half the information, but not all the information. Only she does.
And so you're left to connect dots and speculate and assume things when she seems worried. And despite what I said earlier, if I were in your shoes, I'd probably be assuming the worst too. So my first piece of advice is keep checking in with Emma. Make it a regular thing without spooking her too much, if that makes sense. And keep making lots of room for her to be totally honest with you.
Make sure she feels safe and protected in opening up to you. Don't judge her choices or push her to a decision too soon. Just listen and show her that she can share as much as she wants with you without getting into trouble somehow. And look, you might need to draw her out a little more or be more direct sometimes if she's being a little cagey with you.
It's okay to say, you mentioned you were scared. Are you scared because Todd said something that scared you? Or is it just scary to think about telling him what upsets you? You're allowed to ask her, I couldn't help but notice that you seemed uneasy when you found out Todd was moving in. I couldn't tell if you were happy or sad about it. How are you feeling?
And if she doesn't really answer your question, you can even tell her, you seemed a little nervous when we last talked. Maybe I'm reading into things though. Am I understanding you right? Between you and me, do you have any feelings about Todd living in the house?
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