How To Get Him To ACTUALLY Carry The Mental Load (Former Man Child Explains)
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What is mental load and why does it affect couples?
If you've ever felt exhausted, burnt out, and maybe even kind of resentful of keeping track of the appointments, the groceries, who needs what and when in your relationship, that's because you might be carrying more than your fair share of the mental load. It is a term that many of us are familiar with at this point, but if we all get it, why are so many of us still struggling in our relationships? Turns out a lot of couples disagree on. What things should be done and what doing something well actually looks like. Some people just refuse to do more, period. Some people think the mental load discussion is overblown and it's causing way more problems. And other people think that discussing it and solving it is the key to long-term relationship success, happiness, and even great sex.
So today we're gonna get into the mental load conversations that no No one else is having with one of the few men who's actually leading the mental load conversation. Zach Watson has built an audience of more than 1.4 million social followers. He's been featured in the New York Times, CNN, Forbes, and more. He is a certified fair play facilitator. And his first book is being published by Penguin Random House in 2027. Heads up, this is a really great place to pause and grab your partner because it would be a phenomenal. conversation starter to listen to this episode together. Welcome to the Liz Moody Podcast, where we believe that there is always something that you can do to create a life that feels amazing.
And we help you figure out how to find the lever to pull at any moment to actually do that. Zach, you describe yourself as a recovering man child. What do men get wrong about the mental load and invisible labor?
They think that execution, like the physical aspect of it, is owning the mental ode. So I know you did a skit recently of being in the grocery store and saying, Hey babe, hey, babe, like where's where's this thing? I don't see this thing, but let's get this thing. Let's say that the pretext of that video was Zach says to Liz, I'll go do the grocery shopping for you. Can you write me a list? So I'm gonna offer to do the physical labor of going to the store and picking up things and putting them in a cart and paying for It, I'm offering to take that off your plate of the physical labor. However, if I'm asking you for a list, you're doing the cognitive labor. So then there's the emotional labor of, hey, you've called me eight times.
I'm going to try to not be snarky and an asshole when you're asking me dumb questions that if you had read the list more clearly or if you had actually had any awareness of what food exists in our home that's feeding you, you wouldn't be asking me this question.
One of the reasons that I wanted to have you on is because I feel like women are having these conversations. They are screaming about this. But especially as a female podcast host, I'm very aware of how much or how little men are willing to listen to women. So for the woman who is listening, is there anything that women can do to have the man listen a little bit more when we're talking about these things.
The place I start is literally just having it as a vocabulary that exists within your home. Example, if he comes home and he's stressed out about work and you're hearing him out and he's saying, you know, every time I go to have this salesman, the guy just brushes me off and I feel like I have to do all this thinking. Oh, it sounds like you do a lot of cognitive labor for him. That moment when he's
pointing it out in different dynamics.
Yeah, because you know, invisible labor doesn't exist just on the home. It exists everywhere. You know, I get hired by ERGs and and companies to talk about invisible labor in their organizations. And that's most of the talk that I do is talking about think about all of the different invisible labor that exists in your office. And, you know, for domestic labor, I pull up one of the clips from the office of Pam putting the sign above the microwave saying, Hey, can someone
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is mental load and why does it affect couples?
0:00–13:45
2
What are the four types of invisible labor in a relationship?
13:45–27:13
3
How does the BUILD meeting help partners share mental load?
27:13–42:01
4
Why do men who take on more mental load become happier?
42:01–53:52
5
How can couples tell if a problem is mental load or just high standards?
53:52–1:08:26
6
What is the Fair Play framework and how does it divide household tasks?
1:08:26–1:20:19
7
What practical steps can women and men take today to reduce mental load?
1:20:19–1:27:29
8
What are the top actionable takeaways for listeners to improve mental load balance?
1:27:29–1:30:41
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from The Liz Moody Podcast
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