You’re Not Broken: Why You People-Please, Feel Anxious, & Never Feel Good Enough – and How to Heal
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What is mother hunger and why does it matter?
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Today, you and I are talking about the invisible childhood wound that explains why you may feel so lost, exhausted, or like you're never good enough. you're going to learn that there's actually a reason why you feel like everybody else comes first, that it's never good enough. Because today, therapist and bestselling author Kelly McDaniel is going to explain that there is this hidden childhood wound that you've been carrying for decades and you're not alone. So if you've ever struggled with self-worth or people-pleasing or addictive patterns, anxious relationships, or a sense of feeling broken, or gosh, just that nagging feeling,
that you're not good enough, this conversation is gonna be so illuminating because it will connect what you're feeling as an adult to all of these things that you may not even remember that happened when you were a kid. So if you've ever felt frustrated by the tension that you feel within your family, you just wish it could be peaceful, that everyone could get along, or confused by the behavior of your wife, your girlfriend, your sister, or your mom, Or maybe you personally are tired of constantly putting everyone else's happiness first, constantly trying to overachieve, constantly trying to prove your worth. This episode is going to explain so much. It is going to make you feel so seen, and it's going to show you how to finally stop blaming yourself for the pain you didn't cause.
Let's get into it.
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here with me right now. It's always an honor to be together and to get to spend time with you. If you're a new listener or you're here because somebody shared this episode with you, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I cannot wait for you to meet today's guest, therapist Kelly McDaniel, who is here to tell you, you're not broken. Kelly is a renowned holistic psychotherapist who graduated from Georgetown University and whose work has helped millions of people. She's also the bestselling author of the book, Mother Hunger, which has given a name to a very common issue that thousands of her patients have faced.
In this book, she explains the connection between the struggles that you may face as an adult, whether you're struggling with people pleasing or perfectionism or burnout or constantly managing everybody else's happiness or addiction, that all of this can all be traced back to the experiences that you had with your mom during your childhood. So please help me welcome Kelly McDaniel to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
What are the three core needs every child requires?
It's a thrill to be here. The work you're doing is phenomenal, and I'm just thrilled that you're interested in talking to me about mother hunger.
Well, your work and this topic and digging into it, both as a daughter and a mother, has really changed my life and who I am. And I believe this is one of the most important topics when it comes to relationships that nobody's talking about because we're afraid to talk about it. And so where I want to start is can you define what mother hunger is? For somebody that's listening right now that has never heard that term, what is it?
Mother hunger is a term for a yearning for a certain quality of love that a lot of times we confuse with romantic love. We may look for this kind of love from partners, from our friends, and be frustrated that it's not ever really happening. So that's one piece of defining it. The other piece is related more to what we lost. So mother hunger means one of three things went missing, or maybe all three of them went missing in your formative years. Okay. We need nurturing to grow the brain. We need protection in order to flourish. We need to feel safe. And then as we get a little older, we need guidance. As daughters, we look for all of these things from our mother. We're already in love with her when we're born.
We know her smell.
Why do women often become people-pleasers?
We know her heartbeat.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is mother hunger and why does it matter?
0:00–3:02
2
What are the three core needs every child requires?
3:02–4:36
3
Why do women often become people-pleasers?
4:36–6:21
4
How does childhood stress manifest in adulthood?
6:21–8:10
5
What are the signs of an unhealthy mother-daughter relationship?
8:10–9:53
6
How can we start healing from mother hunger?
9:53–11:21
7
What role does forgiveness play in healing mother hunger?
11:21–12:47
8
How can we nurture and guide ourselves as adults?
12:47–1:12:15
Speakers
3 identifiedMore from The Mel Robbins Podcast
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