Ep. 117 How to Build Real Connection with Autistic Kids
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Why do some therapy sessions feel naturally connected while others feel blocked?
Hello, hello, my neuro firm fam. Today we are talking about something that can be the easiest and also the hardest part of our job, which is how we can build real connections with autistic kids. And I say the easiest and the hardest because sometimes these things just happen naturally. We just feel so connected to kids and it comes very easy to us and to them. And we feel like we developed this amazing relationship. And other times we just feel like what's happening here. There's almost like a barrier between us. I don't feel like this child trusts me. They're not excited to be here. How can I change this? And if you are listening to this, you probably identify as someone who is enjoys relationships-based approaches.
We tend to get a lot of people in the audience who see the value in having a relationships-based approach. And maybe that's something that you even have training in. And I think about when there's this little girl I used to see. She was autistic, six. And I would go to her house. And the first thing that she would do is run over to me and jump up into my arms. And we would go nose to nose.
Right?
and then we would hug i would take her to the snack cabinet she would pick out a snack then we would go into her playroom and i would help her pick out a toy right because i'm lifting her up and she's rummaging through all the toys that she couldn't reach if i wasn't picking her up and it was just part of our routine whereas like i came in she was so excited to see me i was excited we enjoyed this moment of seeing each other and getting to go on with our usual routines And there was a time when I was co-treating with her one-on-one aides because she did a lot of in-home type of therapy. So she had a lot of one-on-one aides coming to her home. And the aide was there and I walked into the apartment and she ran over and jumped up on me and the aide immediately was like, get down, feet on the floor.
And she turned to me and she said, we're trying to teach her not to try to like want to be lifted up by people. so offended. I was like, first of all, that's ridiculous. I mean, if a parent doesn't want us picking up their kid, okay. Or if you can't because you're exciting, okay.
How did the therapist’s experience with the six‑year‑old girl illustrate the power of physical connection?
But for us, it was such a part of our connection and our relationship. And I just said to the aid, oh, well, this is part of what we do because it's really regulating for her, you know? And it was just so funny though, because I just could see how much they were judging me. I say they, because it was the one-on-one aid and then the supervisor was zooming into that session. And so I was like, oh my God, they are going to be talking about me later. I know this. But it's just one of those things where it was such an important part of our routine. And it really showed her that I'm here for her and I care about her. And we're going to talk more about this we're going to talk about four different ways that you can create these relationship shifts in your autistic kids so if you are ever struggling to find connection with kids we're going to go through four different ways that you can do this so some of you may know my background is as a floor time therapist so i was trained by a mentee of dr greenspan went on to speak internationally with jay greenspan we would speak on floor time and integrating floor time into speech therapy sessions so
My love of relationships based approaches goes deep. It goes from day one. Like this has always been something important to me. And I know for, like I said, a lot of you guys, you feel the same way. And what I was finding was that I still felt like, okay, I need, there still feels like there's something missing to this. Like I'm still coming in with a lot of dysregulated kids. And that was because I had not yet learned about how to support regulation. So after supporting regulation and then being able to use all of these approaches that were designed to increase our relationship, interaction, engagement, for me, that's where the real change happened in a lot of my kids. But once we get kids regulated, we have to know what that next step is, which is how can now I actually build a relationship with them?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do some therapy sessions feel naturally connected while others feel blocked?
0:08–2:27
2
How did the therapist’s experience with the six‑year‑old girl illustrate the power of physical connection?
2:27–4:56
3
What are the four relationship‑shifts the host recommends for building real connections?
4:56–8:07
4
Why is actually caring about the child essential for trust and engagement?
8:07–10:21
5
How does co‑regulation create safety and support emotional well‑being?
10:21–12:34
6
In what ways can showing interest in a child’s passions boost connection?
12:34–14:04
7
Why should therapists treat autistic kids as equals rather than using conditional rewards?
14:04–16:58
8
How can listeners access the Ready Set Connect book club kit and additional resources?
16:58–19:23
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from The NeuroAffirm Podcast
Ep. 125 How to Run Successful Social Groups
Ep. 124 Building Rapport Isn’t Enough...How Therapists Become Part of the Intervention
Ep. 123 Not Seeing Progress in Speech Therapy? Start Here.
Ep. 122 Screen Time Considerations for Autistic Kids
Ep. 121 The Biggest Sensory Mistakes SLPs Make
Ep. 120 Why Anxiety is So Common in Autism (And What Actually Helps)