Ep. 57: Why We Shouldn't "Manage Behaviors" & What To Do Instead
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What is the “behavior iceberg” model and why does it matter for autistic kids?
What's up, everyone? And welcome to Making the Shift for Autistic Kids.
We're an SLP couple from California with four boys. And we're here every week to
bring you neuro-affirming
tips,
tricks, and tools.
Are you ready to make the shift?
Let's do
welcome back everyone we are excited to get this show rocking and rolling we are going to dive right on in to the deep ocean of what is underneath the surface we're putting on our scuba gear so so straddle up
never know what's going to come out of your mouth Always, always a pleasant surprise.
I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth either.
I know literally one word at a time. It
is one word at a time, one thought at a time. That's how this brain of mine works.
So today we are talking about what you can do instead of, quote, managing behaviors. This has to be something we are asked constantly, comments on social media or when we're speaking or when we get DMs. It's always about, you know, we're seeing this challenging behavior. How can I get rid of it is kind of the question I would say that we get a lot.
Yeah.
Today, we are going to be talking about what you can do instead and what is going to be more effective for you than just, quote, managing behaviors. We're going to be sharing some really powerful ideas and tools. A lot of these I first heard from Mona De La Hook, who is an author, psychologist, incredible, and funny story about... her as i got this email maybe it was like i don't know it was probably close to 10 years ago now and it was from a local therapist who had just opened a practice and she said hey would you want to get together for lunch and i said yes which is so unusual like i'm just so bad at responding to emails um but i actually responded we met up for lunch and then turns out that is kendra de la hook who's mona's daughter
So that's really, I was like starstruck when I found out that Kendra was her daughter because I'd done so many, you know, training specific to autism and things like that. And just Mona does so much all over and she's done just incredible amount. I think a lot of people in the field really know her work. And we also will say, you know, not to get too dark of a note here, but um mona had a brain aneurysm just a couple weeks ago really terrible um she's currently as we're recording this in critical condition so we are definitely sending our love and prayers and we hope that you will do the same but at the same time we just want to be able to spread her work we actually had plans of having her on the show so instead we will do this topic and we will honor her for everything that she has contributed to the field
Yeah, there's a book and she has a website. It's called Beyond Behaviors and on her website she's been talking for years about just different ways of viewing situations that might be dysregulating for a child and looking beyond the observable behaviors you know getting to the underlying reasons and the root cause of some of these things so jessie and i will be talking about that stuff um with um a lot of insight that we have learned from mona
and it's so helpful because it really takes everything you've learned and it kind of flips it on it on its head and one thing that she says in her book is that we're so quick to label a behavior as good or bad before trying to understand why it's happening And that understanding why it's happening is really the critical piece.
How do the four function check‑boxes on a Behavior Intervention Plan fall short?
And that's really what we're trying to get at today is she talks about an iceberg analogy, where if you look at the tip of the iceberg, that is the what. That's the behavior. That's what you can see and observe that's happening. And then as we know, icebergs have a huge mass under the surface that we can't see. And that explains the why. So what happens so often is when we have this approach to quote managing behaviors, it's almost like just the phrase managing behaviors is a problem in itself because it leads us to look at what the observable behavior is and then immediately just try to get rid of it. When in reality, what's going to be more effective and more powerful and more impactful for you is looking under the surface and trying to understand why this behavior is happening.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the “behavior iceberg” model and why does it matter for autistic kids?
0:08–4:02
2
How do the four function check‑boxes on a Behavior Intervention Plan fall short?
4:02–6:36
3
Why is sensory overload a hidden driver of challenging behavior?
6:36–9:32
4
How can emotional regulation, anxiety, and trauma explain a child’s outbursts?
9:32–11:58
5
What role do interoception, alexithymia, and executive‑function limits play in behavior?
11:58–14:04
6
How does unmet communication (pain, hunger, fatigue) lead to observable behaviors?
14:04–16:39
7
What practical steps can families and educators take instead of “managing behaviors”?
16:39–19:16
8
How does looking at the “why” behind behavior improve long‑term outcomes for autistic children?
19:16–22:19
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from The NeuroAffirm Podcast
Ep. 125 How to Run Successful Social Groups
Ep. 124 Building Rapport Isn’t Enough...How Therapists Become Part of the Intervention
Ep. 123 Not Seeing Progress in Speech Therapy? Start Here.
Ep. 122 Screen Time Considerations for Autistic Kids
Ep. 121 The Biggest Sensory Mistakes SLPs Make
Ep. 120 Why Anxiety is So Common in Autism (And What Actually Helps)