[Quick Tip] The Autistic Perspective that Will Change Your Life
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What powerful message does the host introduce at the start of the episode?
Today I am sharing with you something that will be one of the most powerful and possibly hardest things that you will ever hear from the autistic perspective. I am sharing a small clip from a very famous article that was written over 30 years ago by an autistic advocate. And I think these really hard conversations are really important for us to have in order to be able to move forward and best support our autistic kids. So here we go.
What's up everyone and welcome to Making the Shift for Autistic Kids.
We're an SLP couple from California with four boys.
And we're here every week to bring you neuroaffirming tips, tricks, and tools. Are you ready to make the shift? Let's do this!
So this is from an article from nineteen ninety-three. It is called Don't Mourn for Us by Autistic Advocate Jim Jim Sinclair. I actually posted
How does Jim Sinclair open his 1993 article “Don’t Mourn for Us”?
pieces of this on social media years ago. And it was by and large accepted by a lot of people really celebrated by a lot of people, especially the autistic community. But I will say there was a good number of people who this was really, really hard to hear and hurt. And I would say that would be families for the most part. Parents of autistic kids were the ones who um, took this the hardest. And I will say I think the way that you interpret this completely depends on, you know, where you are. in your parenting journey. And there are so many different ways that this can be interpreted, but Like I said, important conversation to have. So here we go.
Why does Sinclair say autism can’t be separated from a person’s identity?
Here is how he starts the article. Autism isn't something a person has or a shell that a person is trapped inside. There's no normal child hidden behind the autism. Autism is a way of being. It is pervasive. It colors every experience. Every sensation, perception, thought, emotion, and encounter. Every aspect of our existence. It is not possible to separate the autism from the person. And if it were possible The person you'd have left would not be the same person you started with. Therefore, when parents say I wish my child did not have autism, What they're really saying is I wish the autistic child I have did not exist and I had a different non-autistic child instead.
What does Sinclair mean when parents wish their child ‘did not have autism’?
Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence. This is what we hear when you pray for a cure. This is what we know when you tell us of your fondest hopes and dreams for us, that your greatest wish is that one day we will cease to be and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces. Wow. Okay. So you can see, you know, why this might be difficult for Parents to really Process and understand the per the autistic perspective here. You know, some parents felt like this was invalidating for them, but the Thought from most parents in the conversations that were sparked. on social media about this was that You know, we don't want
How do parents typically react to this perspective and why is it hard to hear?
any other child. We want our child. We just want our child's life to be easier. We don't want our child to have to face all of the struggles that they are facing that come with being autistic. And Of course, that's a very valid point. That's a very valid feeling for parents to have that they want their child's life to be easier. And I think in This article, you know, Jim's point is that autism is so ingrained into a person and who a person is that they just simply would not be the same person. if they were not autistic, right? That's kind of his point of this. So let me read you Another part.
What is the core message about grief, loss, and acceptance in Sinclair’s closing paragraphs?
Of this which is toward the end. Where he says, You didn't lose a child to autism. You lost a child because the child you waited for never came into existence. This isn't the fault of the autistic child who does exist, and this shouldn't be our burden. We need and deserve families who can see us and value us for ourselves. Not families whose vision of us is obscured by the ghosts of children who never lived. Grieve if you must for your own lost dreams, but don't mourn for us. We are alive, we are real, and we're here waiting for you. Man, I cannot read that. Without crying. So, you know, this is a really common sentiment shared for families when they get an autism diagnosis is just kind of that grief of the life that they thought that they were going to have and they didn't end up having that life.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What powerful message does the host introduce at the start of the episode?
0:00–1:10
2
How does Jim Sinclair open his 1993 article “Don’t Mourn for Us”?
1:10–1:55
3
Why does Sinclair say autism can’t be separated from a person’s identity?
1:55–2:43
4
What does Sinclair mean when parents wish their child ‘did not have autism’?
2:43–3:32
5
How do parents typically react to this perspective and why is it hard to hear?
3:32–4:11
6
What is the core message about grief, loss, and acceptance in Sinclair’s closing paragraphs?
4:11–5:13
7
What final call to action does the host give listeners about neuro‑affirming approaches?
5:13–6:08
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from The NeuroAffirm Podcast
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Ep. 123 Not Seeing Progress in Speech Therapy? Start Here.
Ep. 122 Screen Time Considerations for Autistic Kids
Ep. 121 The Biggest Sensory Mistakes SLPs Make
Ep. 120 Why Anxiety is So Common in Autism (And What Actually Helps)