How Mattering to Yourself & Others Can Change Your Life with Oprah, Jennifer Wallace & Ina Garten
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
So Ina never cancels unless she is really sick. Definitely.
I just don't.
And you just know it. And it builds this trust. And we live in this flake culture where people have really, I mean, I think it's a terrible thing to do. It really erodes friendships.
What is the significance of mattering to yourself?
One way to make people feel like they matter is to commit to them.
How does Ina Garten demonstrate that people matter?
So they can trust you. They can trust that when they make a plan, you will be there.
The most lovely thing you can do to say to somebody you matter is say, come to dinner. And I mean, when was the last time somebody called and said, come for dinner? And you said, no, I'm not really interested in a home-cooked dinner. Of course you're going to say yes. Of course you do.
Why is mattering considered a life or death issue?
And when you show up, you create a community around yourselves.
Hey there, it's my pleasure to be with you here on the Oprah Podcast in the great city of New York. I often say that one of the biggest lessons I've ever learned from my life and career of talking with thousands of people is that at our core, we all want to know that we matter.
How can mattering impact our overall health and longevity?
It's one of our fundamental desires as human beings. Every argument, every interaction we have really boils down to this. Do you see me? Do you hear me? and does what I say matter to you? So when I saw the title of this book, The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection, I thought, Jennifer is speaking my language. It got my attention. And I love a Clementine too, so. Then I open it up and I see that I am quoted on page 18 in this book.
What role does mattering play in relationships and resilience?
Pretty cool. My guest on this podcast today believes that there has been an erosion of mattering. So that's why she was inspired to spend six years researching it all over the world. Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist, and founder of the Mattering Institute. Did you know there was a Mattering Institute? Welcome, Jennifer, to the podcast. I hear everyone calls you Jenny, so I'm going to call you Jenny. Great. Thanks, Oprah. So I find this fascinating that you asked hundreds of people Around the world, this question, do you feel like you matter? We asked that of you today. Do you feel like you matter? That's a really important question. And what did they tell you, Jenny?
They told me no or not anymore. I spoke with doctors who felt crushed by insurance companies, not able to practice the care they wanted.
What are some actionable steps to help others feel they matter?
I heard from first responders wondering if their efforts were really making an actual difference. I heard from caregivers who felt like they mattered too much to everyone else, except that their needs were never prioritized. I spoke with a college student who told me that she only felt like she mattered when her GPA was high and her weight was low. So it was a crushing experience, but I also met people who found a way back to mattering.
which was inspiring. Which is what we're going to talk about today a lot. And you write on page 10, in truth, we are living through a social health crisis, a profound breakdown of the relationships that once protected us. We've lost track of our basic human needs for connection and contribution. Now we often feel tempted to fill that void with counterfeit forms of mattering. chasing attention over connection, prestige over purpose, and money over meaning. That's what you found around the world too. People are saying, but not articulating as well as that, right?
We have, you know, this is, as you said in the intro, this basic human need that we have stopped treating as a need and more like a nice to have. And the problem is when you don't feed that need you will find other ways to meet it, whether conscious or not conscious.
And do you think now with all of the things in this abundant-filled society that we live in, you would think that with all the abundance and all the access and all of the indulgence, that people would feel like they mattered more, but it's actually the opposite.
It is, it's a false sense of mattering. It's sort of the junk food of mattering. I've been thinking as I was writing this book, I was thinking about the theologian, Henry Nouwen, who talks about the three great lies of our society.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–0:15
2
What is the significance of mattering to yourself?
0:15–0:19
3
How does Ina Garten demonstrate that people matter?
0:19–0:36
4
Why is mattering considered a life or death issue?
0:36–1:00
5
How can mattering impact our overall health and longevity?
1:00–1:35
6
What role does mattering play in relationships and resilience?
1:35–2:31
7
What are some actionable steps to help others feel they matter?
2:31–9:06
8
How can we navigate feelings of invisibility in relationships?
9:06–51:28
Speakers
8 identifiedMore from The Oprah Podcast
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