The Save The Marriage Podcast

7 Complicators to Your Efforts to Save Your Marriage

24 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Saving your marriage is important. But not always easy. Isn't that a truth in life, though? What is easy is rarely important. And what is important is...

Dealing with Depression and a Marriage Crisis

17 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Many people are struggling with depression.  And they find themselves in the midst of a marriage crisis. So, what does depression mean for those situ...

The Ghosts of Your Relationship Past

20 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year?  I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year.  ...

Stuck in the Negative

13 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Several podcast listeners have asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative.  Why don't they remember the good time...

Dealing with Disrespect and Boundaries

06 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

"A" has been trying to set boundaries with her husband.  Trying to get the treatment she deserves.  Trying to get the relationship to a healthy spot...

Why You Can’t Force Connection

29 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right?  Yes, your marriage is in crisis.  But if you say the right thing… or say i...

Dealing with a Heavy Holiday — in the midst of a marriage crisis

21 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy.  When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especiall...

How the Created Past Hurts Your Marriage

15 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sounds so philosophical, doesn't it?  Your "created past."  What is that? We all do it.  We remember things based on our emotional state, not on...

Are Things Improving?? How do you know??

08 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Phil asked, "How do you know you are making progress?"  And perhaps fearing that the signs point the other way, he also asked, "how long is long enou...

Take These 3 Steps To Save Your Marriage

30 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You want to save your marriage (or you wouldn't be here, right??). But you may not know what to do. Most people don't. I mean, let's face it:  mos...

Why Your Spouse Can’t See A Way Forward

12 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We all have limiting beliefs.  You... me... and your spouse!  I always work to change my limiting beliefs.  You are probably doing the same.  But ...

The Road to Divorce: 8 Stops

04 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Just to be clear, people don't simply end up divorced.  They don't go from a loving, connected marriage to a painful, hurting divorce.  There are so...

The 7 Stages of Disconnection

27 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The shift from connection to disconnection happens when people (inadvertently) hit the Pause Button on their marriage. It isn't ill-intended. It usual...

Why You Aren’t Getting Started

20 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Many people tell me how they WANT to save their marriage (they really, really do), but they aren't DOING it.  They can't seem to get started with the...

Are You Showing Up??

16 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We all "show ourselves" in our interactions with others.  Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we...

When Your Spouse Has Lost Hope

19 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Has your spouse lost hope in your marriage's future? You want a warm and loving relationship, but it has had a rough patch.  You see a way forward...

The Perception/Connection Trap

12 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It is not about "communication," no matter what you hear (from friends or a therapist).  Most people communicate just fine.  They have another issue...

Apology ≠ Forgiving

05 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We all have hurts from close relationships -- and especially in marriages.  It is impossible to be in such an intimate relationship and not bump into...

The Blame – Shame Trap

28 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits.  They both know the ste...

Derailed? Why and what to do…

31 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear!  They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results.  Things are ...

Saving your marriage… 2 dangerous approaches

17 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I just googled, “how to save your marriage.”  There were 607,000,000.  Over 1/2 a billion results! How do you sort through them?  How do you fi...

Changing… and proving it

26 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Things hit a bad spot in your marriage… and your spouse isn’t sure about staying or leaving the marriage.  Sure, it may have been a relationship ...

Finding the Energy to Continue

12 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

“I’m just out of energy,” she told me, “I don’t think I can even try to save my marriage.  Besides, what is the point?" Let’s face it:...

“I need space!” — that’s tough!

29 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

So many marital crises start with this phrase, "I'm not happy."  In panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. The next step is often, "I n...

Enemies, Victims, or….

22 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Roles.  We all have them.  We all play them. Some are "identity roles."  They identify us in the role.  For example, I am "son," "father," "bro...

Dragged Under

15 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual.  As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled...

4 Failing Fears

01 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM!  You hit a wall. A wall of fear.  Fears...

It Isn’t Just About Romance

15 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Since Valentine's Day is passed and the hearts have come down in the stores (except in the clearance area), we can face a reality that confuses many p...

Is a Marriage Intensive for You?

08 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Recently, more and more people have been asking about "Marriage Intensives."  If you aren't familiar, these are often week-end (and sometimes week-lo...

The Marriage Murdering Myth

01 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

There are lots of myths about marriage.  But there is one myth that comes up over and over.  In fact, the trap for this myth is set at the very earl...

Sharing Power

18 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It’s a partnership.  Right? Right? Well, in any partnership, there has to be a way to make decisions.  And how a couple makes decisions reveals ...

Helping or Hurting??

04 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You've been working on saving your marriage... and you aren't seeing the traction you want.  Or maybe is just isn't moving as fast as you would like....

A-ha Moment or Slow Turn-Around?

14 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

You’ve been following my 4 C’s to work on the 3 C’s of saving your marriage, right?  (Hang with me if that seems like gibberish — just me try...

Staying Together for the Wrong Reasons??

07 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I’ve been answering listeners’ questions on the Save The Marriage Podcast.  And in this episode, I pull together a repeating question about “Sh...

Your Spouse Isn’t…

30 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Many times, I have someone telling me what their spouse should be.  How they should act, what they should do… and what they should do, particularly...

The Next Phase: Chronic or Thriving?

16 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Has the crisis in your marriage passed… but you aren’t sure where things are now? Well, that would put you in good company!  I have been asking ...

Is It Too Toxic??

09 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

You probably know that I'm on the side of your marriage.  I'm all about saving a marriage. But does that mean that EVERY marriage will be saved, or ...

The Dangers of Emotions and Decisions

02 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

It's a false belief in our culture that we need to "trust our gut" and "follow our emotions."  Emotions change.  Feelings shift.  And we can't even...

Why “Limbo” is a Lie

26 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Do you feel like you are stuck in limbo?  That crazy spot where you can’t move forward, but aren’t ending things?  Is it a spouse who has you st...

Midlife Marriage Crisis and Connecting

05 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Mid Life Crisis… the butt of many jokes.  And a crisis for many marriages!  I have seen several studies that challenged whether there is such a th...

Stuck in Questioning??

28 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Are you stuck questioning whether your spouse is the RIGHT spouse, whether your love is REAL, whether there is someone ELSE, or maybe your spouse is b...

Mistakes Were Made (Now What?)

21 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I don’t know about you, but I just don’t do things perfectly.  I make mistakes. Okay, I’ll admit it:  I DO know about you.  You make mistake...

Hot & Cold

14 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Hot and cold.  That is often what I hear people describe.  About their spouses.  One minute/hour/day/week, there is warmth and connection… things...

When to Talk?

07 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

You’ve taken steps to save your marriage.  And it seems to be working!  Things are improving.  The ice is melting.  Perhaps you are treating eac...

Taking Back the Hurt

31 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We all do it.  We say something in the heat of the moment… and feelings get hurt. Sometimes, though, that can be the “last straw,” that final ...

Limiting Beliefs Blocking Your Spouse

04 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We all have limiting beliefs.  You... me... and your spouse!  I always work to change my limiting beliefs.  You are probably doing the same.  But ...

You are NOT Enemies!

13 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Roles. We all have them. We all play them. Some are "identity roles." They identify us in the role. For example, I am "son," "father," "brother," "hu...

Can a Marriage Turn Around Quickly?

29 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Lots of people have asked me how long it takes for a marriage crisis to turn around... for the marriage to start heading in the RIGHT direction.  Doe...

Crisis Clarity

24 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Nothing gets your focus and attention like a crisis.  But sometimes, that Crisis Clarity isn't so helpful. Let's backtrack just a minute.  What is ...

Crisis vs. Problem

15 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

On a regular basis, people want to tell me about the problem with their marriage.  Then, they tell me about the current crisis:  "my spouse doesn't ...

The Dad Edge

04 May 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Every now and then (well, actually quite frequently), people tell me stories about how parenting didn’t exactly elicit the best response.  Many tim...

Some Truths for Every Couple

13 Apr 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Many of my podcast episodes are really aimed at those in the midst of some marriage crisis. Maybe it is hanging on by a thread. Perhaps it is just in ...

3 Steps to Better Communication

30 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Many couples make the mistake of assuming that their problems are due to poor communication. That is not (or rarely) the case. Why do couples think th...

How You Show Up

23 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We all "show ourselves" in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bri...

5 Factors of Success

16 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I wish I had a crystal ball that would let me successfully determine which marriages could be saved.  Yes, it is true.  Not every marriage WILL be s...

Gut Punch Moments

02 Mar 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I'll bet you know exactly what I mean by the Gut Punch Moment.  It is when your spouse says, "I don't love you" or that variation, "I love you, but I...

Combatting Crisis Fatigue

23 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

You’ve been doing your best to work on your marriage… to resolve your marriage crisis.  Then, you find yourself exhausted.  You can’t find you...

Beyond Romance

16 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

For lots of people, this past Monday could not pass fast enough.  I heard from a number of people with struggling marriages that told me Valentine’...

It’s Not About Who Wins

09 Feb 2022

Contributed by Lukas

I remember saying to a couple on my couch, both claiming they were doing more and working harder for their relationship, “It’s not a competition!"...

Dragging a Spouse to Therapy…

31 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The email said, “I talked my spouse into going to therapy.” Another one asked, “How do I drag my spouse to therapy?” Oof. The first person was...

Quit Asking “Why is This Happening?”

25 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

At the beginning of a coaching session, I do a quick “check-in” to see what we need to accomplish in that session. Since coaching is all about mov...

Discouraged? Here is what to do (5 things)…

19 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Discouraged? You are trying to save your marriage and… you can’t get traction.  You move a little ahead, only to slide backward.  Steps forward...

2 Actions that Do More Harm than Good

12 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

You know that your marriage is in trouble. Your spouse said so. Maybe it was the “things have to change” speech. Or maybe it was the “I love you...

“You’ll Never Change!!”

05 Jan 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Has your spouse said that to you?: “You’ll NEVER change!" Maybe it was at the end of yet another argument, another struggle, another disagreement...

A Marriage Crisis and Holiday Season

15 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy.  When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especiall...

Is Self-Growth a Threat to Marriage?

08 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

"I just outgrew you," he said to her in my office.  But as we talked, I was not convinced that he had actually "outgrown" her.  But it was clear tha...

Are You Trying To Earn Love Back?

01 Dec 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Sometimes, people tell me that as they are trying to save their marriage, they actually feel like they are trying to earn back the love of a spouse. T...

Gratitude and a Marriage Crisis

24 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Here we are, right at Thanksgiving Day in the United States. The day we are supposed to be filled with gratitude, feeling thankful for those around us...

“Is This MY Fault??”

17 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Maybe your spouse has been saying, "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Or maybe it is just you... wondering... torturing yourself... about whether this marriage...

Why Forgive?

10 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

People hear me talk about forgiving (I wrote a book on it).  Then they ask, "why should I have to forgive?" Ironically, my point was that forgiving f...

Can Separation Save (or Cost You) a Marriage?

03 Nov 2021

Contributed by Lukas

You want to save your marriage.  Your spouse seems to only want to destroy it.  That is a pretty common scenario for people who visit my website. A...

Zombie Marriage??

27 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?"  Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?"  Are emotions lost and connections missing...

Your Stamp of Approval

20 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

People are quirky.  We all have strange and interesting habits and interests.  No two people are alike. In fact, most people want to claim their uni...

Dealing with Negativity

13 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It happens.  In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity.  A spouse negative about the marriage.  Friends an...

The Anger/Blame/Shame Dance

06 Oct 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, ...

Why Your Spouse Doesn’t See A Change

29 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

You've been working hard. You've been trying to make some personal changes, growing and expanding yourself. You've been trying to build a connection w...

Limiting Beliefs Limiting Your Marriage

22 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It almost seems redundant, doesn't it? If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something -- say, for example, your marriage. I say IF you have ...

Are You Dissing Your Marriage? 3 Ways….

15 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I am way too uncool to ever use "Diss" in a conversation. That said, I will drop it into a headline, because I see too many couples "dissing" their r...

The Danger of a Shortcut

08 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I admit it.  The phone call got under my skin.  We were traveling and I answered the call.  The person asked if I was the "save the marriage guy."...

Have You Been “Friend Zoned”?

01 Sep 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I often get a message that goes something like this, “We have been making progress on our marriage.  I’ve been working hard to reconnect, and thi...

Is It Time for a Bootcamp??

04 Aug 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I have some friends who have been in different bootcamps this past year.  Most are fitness-oriented… getting back into shape, improving your runnin...

Is It Just Delaying The Inevitable?

28 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I get this question often enough to know that you may be wondering, too. Is it really possible to save a marriage, or are you just delaying the inevit...

4 Reasons Why You Aren’t Saving Your Marriage

21 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

First, let me be clear:  if you are actively saving your marriage, working toward a better relationship... stop reading and go do something else!  T...

Switches or Dials?

14 Jul 2021

Contributed by Lukas

No, this isn't some electrical engineering idea. Instead, it has more to do with human nature. We often want to find the switch, the on/off switch fo...

Too Self-Centered for Your Marriage?

30 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

"You are just too selfish and self-centered.  That is why we have marriage problems."  Have you heard that before? A listener is wondering if she i...

The Spouse Predicament

23 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

It's a predicament, isn't it?  It would be so much easier to save your marriage... if it weren't for that pesky spouse.  (I jest, but you might actu...

Slow Slide, Then All At Once

16 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I've seen it so many times.  A marriage is slowly, slowly, slowly moving apart.  Then, suddenly, it is ending!  Slowly, then all at once. A recent...

How to NOT Save Your Marriage

09 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Are there things that you do that might KEEP you from saving your marriage? Yes. These are pretty common actions people take, not knowing that they ...

Save The Marriage ARC

02 Jun 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Since my book, Thrive Principles, came out, people have asked me why I shifted my focus from saving marriages to thriving. In reality, there is no shi...

The Connection Principle

26 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Connection is the lifeblood of any relationship… and especially a marriage.  When connection is cut off, the relationship falters.  When a marriag...

How to Avoid a Blow-Up

19 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Slowly, slowly... you are making progress!  You keep working on turning your marriage around... and it is working! Maybe you think it isn't moving f...

Your Blame Addiction

12 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Are you and your spouse addicted to blame?  Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spouse, sure that it is really your spouse's fault ...

If THEY Can’t, Who Can?

05 May 2021

Contributed by Lukas

I was busy working on some projects when a news notification popped up on my tablet:  “Bill and Melinda Gates Announce They Are Divorcing.”  Wow...

“But What If I CAN’T Save It?”

28 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Two phone calls the same day.  Both with the same question:  "What if I CAN'T save my marriage?"  One had been working at it for awhile.  The othe...

“Can You Fall In Love Again?” – Listener Question

21 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

As often as possible, I like to answer listener submitted questions (you can submit YOUR question by CLICKING HERE).  The reason is because if you ha...

How Do You Argue?: 3 Modes That Fail

14 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Do you find yourself stuck in arguments in your marriage that never get anywhere?  Or maybe it is just a matter of useless “discussions”? I was ...

NMF: “Not MY Fault!”

07 Apr 2021

Contributed by Lukas

The email was pages long, all about the problems in her marriage.  Each line was about how her husband had ruined the marriage.  She pointed out act...

Is Your Crisis Hot or Cold?

31 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

Is your marriage crisis marked by heated arguments or cold distance?  Hot or cold? Are they really that different?  Or is it all a part of the same...

3 Barriers and Beyond

24 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

For some reason, your spouse just can’t see a way forward.  You want things to be better… you want to save your marriage.  But your spouse can’...

Stages of Crisis Awareness

17 Mar 2021

Contributed by Lukas

In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis.  There a...