Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Chapter 2: What challenges does a mother face when revealing her daughter's half-sister?
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Chapter 3: How should one navigate a new relationship after a divorce?
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I'm doing good. My name is Emma. I'm 36 years old. How do I balance keeping the peace with my ex while also making sure that my daughter knows the truth?
What is the truth that you want your daughter to know?
The truth is that she has a half sister by her dad.
Okay. And why is that a challenge? What's the issue?
And the issue is that after we split up, I guess he had met a girl and they dated for a while and she ended up getting pregnant. And we both knew that she was pregnant. The girl told me herself. So I know that he knew that they shortly split up after that. And he's basically just said nothing about the daughter that she had.
So I'm struggling with whether I don't feel like it's my place to tell my daughter. If he's not going to, then I feel that I should.
Gotcha. So is this your ex-husband or just an ex-boyfriend?
Ex-husband.
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Chapter 4: What should you do if someone declares love too soon in a relationship?
I can't imagine anyone not wanting to know, but certainly there are situations for whatever reason. And you know, and your ex-husband knows you know. And so what conversations have you ever had with your ex-husband about this?
Not many. And he does not know that we did the DNA test.
But he knows that you know if nothing else that she has a daughter. Correct.
Correct. And he's also married and I don't know if his wife knows. I assume that maybe she does.
That's not really. Yeah. But so I guess off the top of my head and I'm just, I'm workshopping this. So I reserved the right to change my mom, but I'm thinking out loud here, right? So if I were in your position as of now, this is what I think I would eventually do. Because right now, I don't know if you necessarily need to handle it or address it. Your daughter's how old again?
She's 10.
She's 10. Yeah, I mean, at this point, I suppose it's your call to, you know, because your daughter doesn't know the difference, to think whether, like, you want to incorporate this woman and her daughter in your life, your daughter's half-sister, in the hopes that they would have some kind of relationship.
You know, when it comes to these family dynamics, I don't know what's right or what's wrong, right? You know, like, you know, two different moms from the, you know, the same guy, right? And like I said, I think anyone would want to know if they had a sibling.
I don't, I mean, yeah, I'm sure a lot of people listening would have lots of different opinions on this topic, but I don't know if both of you owe it to each of your children to go out of your way to make sure that they're hanging out, so to speak. Like, it's not like, I don't know. Also, it might not even be practical.
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Chapter 5: How can you tell if someone is genuinely interested or just playing games?
Because you don't want to, for example... Go to your ex-husband and say, hey, listen, I don't want to cause any drama for you, but our daughter is going to want it. She has the right to know that she has a sibling out there. I am not trying to stick my business where it doesn't belong, but she has the right to know. I would love for you to tell her. I would.
And so I'm just coming to you to ask that. But someday, if you don't tell her, someday I'm going to. When she's old enough to decide what she wants to do with her life and who she wants her life to be, she has the right to know. If nothing else, I mean, you can scapegoat it by being like, listen, we live in a world where Answersy.com, 23andMe, the DNA test and things like that. It's
It is so easy for people to find out if they have half-sisters, stepbrothers, cousins. We've had people call in who have found out grandma cheated because of a 23andMe test and things like that. So it's like, how do you want her to find out? Someday she's going to find out. And I think it should come from either of us.
I think it should come from you, but if you're not going to tell her, I am not going to wait to her to find out her own and her come to me and say, how long have you known this? Do you know this? Cause I'm not, I'm not going to lie to her. Right.
Right. And that's where my concern is. And, um, I, I think I have a little bit of, um, an attachment to this topic because I had half siblings as well growing up. Um, I knew about them, but I wasn't really given the opportunity. We lived in different states.
And so obviously we had to rely on our parents to make time to get us together and to allow us to, you know, develop a relationship growing up. And I wasn't really given that opportunity. We have relationship now as adults. But, you know, you have different bonds with people that you grow up with as children versus meeting them as an adult.
So she is still a child, of course, but, you know, as she, keeps growing up as they do. I just, I start, it just weighs more on me on what I should do. And our co-parenting relationship has come a really long way. We're doing really great right now. And so I don't want to rock the boat, but I just, I feel like, like you said, it's going to come up eventually.
And I don't want to have to be the one to look her in the eye and say, yeah, I knew about this all these years. And I just, I didn't say anything.
Why doesn't your ex-husband want a relationship with his other daughter?
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Chapter 6: What strategies can help in dealing with a potential 'eff boy'?
Yeah, it's a very weird spot to be in because... I feel like it's not my business at all other than the fact that it does affect my daughter. But I feel like I'm trying to like come up with solutions and I really feel like it should be on.
I do think if anyone throws it in your face, you do have the benefit of like, it's your daughter. So especially as long as your daughter is a minor. everything that's your daughter's business is your business. Now that's not an excuse to just kind of go rogue, but you know what I'm saying?
I don't think anyone is in position, this scenario to completely exclude you from having an opinion about this situation. Right. And so, yeah, I don't think your ex-husband can say that to you or this, this other mom, you know, he, he, he might say that to you, but it doesn't make him right. Um,
Yeah. And I know that if I brought it up right now, it would just feel very out of the blue to him. And he would feel like I'm trying to attack him or come after him in some way. And it's really not that, you know, it's like, I just want, I just know that she's going to have questions that I can't answer because I wasn't involved in that, you know?
Um, so that's why I would obviously prefer for it to come from him. That way she can ask all the questions she has and they can sort that out, you know, father, daughter, um, But I just don't see him ever doing that. So I don't see him ever taking that initiative because for whatever reason, they both just decided to just ignore it or let it go for now. I'm not really sure which one or why.
You're in a tough situation with this. Yeah. But I also think, again, you don't have to do anything right now. Right now, you haven't heard from the mom in a year, right? Right. So I think maybe the next time you consider addressing this situation is the next time this mom reaches out.
And then you can ask yourself, depending on what she reaches out for, let's assume she reaches out to say, hey, have you given any more thought about our daughter's meeting? So short of that, there's no immediate urgency. I don't know the age where, you know, I don't know. I imagine when your daughter's in middle school, I don't know what she, how old is she now? 10 or 11, you said?
Yeah, she'll be in middle school next year.
I don't know.
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Chapter 7: How to balance honesty and vulnerability in dating?
Why are they at my birthday party?
Do they live in your area? Are they living in your neighborhood?
They live in our area.
Yes. Okay. I mean, I honestly think that's like, you know, I think this would be worth talking to one or a couple child psychologists and getting their opinion on the best time or the best age to deliver this type of news to a child. And, I don't have that answer, that's for sure. Also, I would ask more than one person, because if you have access to that, I'd be curious about that.
Because there might be people who actually have some very specific knowledge on that. I don't know if there's a perfect time, but there may be a better time. But my advice to you is don't discount your role as the mom and the rights you have to be the best mom that you can be to your daughter. And I think more than anything, that matters the most.
I think you can try to be as respectful as it sounds like you have been with the goal of maintaining a positive co-parenting experience with your ex-husband. And so to that end, whenever you get to the point where you feel like I might need to tell her, you know, whenever that is. Maybe it's a year from now. Maybe it's two years from now. Who knows?
Next, you know, you can see him and say, hey, there's something I want to talk to you about. I know it's always going to feel random, but you don't say, you don't call him up and be like, hey, I'm going to tell her she has a daughter. You just say, hey, because it's something I want to talk to you about it.
And you could just say, hey, listen, I don't know what's going on in your world, but I don't like the idea that our daughter doesn't know that she has a sibling. And you could just say, Janet reached out to me and we don't really keep in touch, but I just feel like I'm stuck between two different parties. I also just think, again, you guys are co-parents.
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Chapter 8: What are the signs that indicate a relationship may not be serious?
I don't know what you guys discuss when it comes to your daughter and like what she should do. And I don't know what you guys do, but you must have some kind of co-parenting style, right? Like what is that style? Like what do you guys, how do you guys address, yeah, tough decisions when it comes to your daughter?
I'm not sure how to explain that. I mean, we have a pretty good line of communication now. It's taken a long time to get there. And I feel like a huge reason we have been able to get there is because of his wife. I probably talk to her more than I talk to him. You know, ideally, I'd love to talk to her, but I don't know if she knows.
So I don't want to I don't want to just say something that big and she doesn't even know. And then that causes issues between them. So I think definitely talking to him directly is the answer. I guess I just don't know timing. Cause like you said, no matter when I do it, it's going to feel like it's out of nowhere to him.
I do like the thought of the, like just bringing up, you know, that a lot of people do the 21 and B or the, all these DNA things. And, you know, she pretty much will find out one day and it's a matter of how do you want her to find it out? Like, Wouldn't you love to have that conversation with her as the dad? And you can answer the question.
I don't know how to answer certain questions because I wasn't a part of that. I wasn't there. That definitely feels like the right.
Yeah. And also you could just, you know, I, at some point I do think you could acknowledge without trying to get the other mom and a sticky situation. Not that, you know, cause there's no contact there, but you can acknowledge that she, she has reached out to you. I don't know if you have to be specific, but.
Because even then, how do you know Janet isn't going to tell her daughter that she has a sister? And again, we live in a digital world where everyone's online. It's easy to find people. Do you want our daughter to get a random DM from saying, I'm your half-sister? Because it's going to happen someday.
Or we just run across them in Target one day. I mean, just in anything, there's so many possibilities.
So, you know, our daughter's getting to the age where she should know. And I, I, I, and you could say, I, I'm coming to you because like, I want to be like respectful to you. And I don't want this to be a disruption in your life. But at the same time, I think our daughter should find out from us specifically. I think she'd find out from you, but like I would, you know, she's gonna find out.
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