Chapter 1: What challenges does Caller One face with a perfect guy who has a girlfriend?
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Chapter 2: How does Caller Two navigate their relationship with a complicated past?
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Pretty good. My name is Erin. I am 27. And I finally met a guy that checks all my boxes, but he has a girlfriend.
All right. Well, so I'm curious is how did you get to the place of thinking he checks all your boxes? Like, did you meet him? Like, is this like an online profile? Have you become closer and closer with him? Like what's going on that makes you feel?
This is, uh, it was a natural meet queue. Um, I just moved from a different city to start, uh, my current schooling program. And we found out that we both moved from the same original city and then ended up in the one we're currently in. So we had that in common. Um, so I haven't known him for very long and, you know, just like interactions and like the coursework and like
study groups and stuff like that. We just got along really well.
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Chapter 3: What advice does Nick give for managing feelings in a situationship?
He had a lot of like attributes that would make me attracted to somebody and things that I'm looking for. So on a whim, I just reached out to him one day and I said, hey, I'm going to be at this coffee shop at this time if you want to come hang out and study and get out of the house because we don't know anybody here. We're both transplants.
So yeah, I was like, if you want to come and he showed up. So that's kind of how that started.
Did you know he had a girlfriend at this point?
No. Okay. And we had already been in our program for almost two months and had never mentioned a girlfriend or.
Second question. At this point, you didn't know he had a girlfriend, obviously, which prompted you to ask him to meet up coffee. did you think from just your point of view that he, that he was being a little friendly, a little flirty? Did you feel like, yeah, there was some chemistry that he was sharing with you in a way?
Enough for me to at least reach out enough for me to have the confidence to reach out.
Second question is if he was your boyfriend and he had the exact same relationship in those two months. And again, mostly that relationship, it seemed like your schoolmates or like, you know, how would you, how would you think of his actions?
It definitely was like innocent. Like he, there was never any boundaries crossed or like questions or anything like that.
I just, I just thought he was totally honest. If I'm just saying not you, but if you're his girlfriend, so you think that like, okay, if this was my boyfriend and he went to a different school and he was like, I'm assuming they probably had some kind of conversations that was like, Hey babe, I'm, I'm, doing this program and I'm studying.
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Chapter 4: What are the signs of a healthy relationship as discussed by Caller Three?
If you're his girlfriend.
When it came up, it was after. So we had the coffee thing or whatever. Yeah. He was the one that initiated, again, still unaware he has a girlfriend. He initiated like, hey, we're in a nice area. It's evening time. Let's go get a beer. We go and get a beer. Everything's going great. I'm pretty excited at this point. I'm like, wow, this is going so great.
Then ever slightly and casually, he goes, oh, yeah, me and my girlfriend. I was just like, what are you doing here with me then?
That's a good question.
Didn't make any sense. Yeah, it was a great, I didn't ask that question because I was just like, well, I don't want to, I was like, well, maybe he is like a platonic person and he's like in those comfortable spaces. But I kind of think in regards to how you're thinking that I would be kind of upset if you spent all this time with someone I don't know in a city I don't know.
Yeah. I mean, listen, your question, right, is like, hey, this person I kind of am developing a crush on. Has a girlfriend. So, you know, your question is centered around how do I handle this? But ultimately, like, you know, I'm assuming you don't want to be some relationship wrecker.
But if he doesn't want to be with his girlfriend and he wants to be with you, you kind of are you're very interested in having this guy become your boyfriend. Right. Right.
So you should be very much thinking, you should be very much thinking about if I'm his girlfriend right now and I'm on the other side, how do I, you have a front row, you know, like for example, like every person in a relationship, right? I mean, I mean, I should, but like for the people, I guess may be a better way of saying it for the people in relationships where they're, you know,
Things are happening. I'm not sure if, you know, it sounds weird. The things that happen that lead people to go through their partner's phone that they know they shouldn't do, but they do it anyways, right? If you've seen Beauty and the Beast, you know, that glass mirror, you know, where he's like, show me this, you know? And a lot of people in relationships
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Chapter 5: How can someone handle feelings for a taken person without crossing boundaries?
You have this power. You are watching him. show you exactly how he is as a boyfriend. And I just would like every step of the way, I would ask myself, if I were you, if I'm his girlfriend, am I comfortable with this? Is this how I would want him to treat me? Again, you can make excuses for him. Cause like right now you're doing the kind of the opposite thing. You know, you have a crush on him.
He's checked some boxes and you are very much trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, partly there's an element of like, you know, you don't want to be a relationship wrecker and you don't want to be that girl. So like, obviously you're like, I didn't know, you know, like, and you've done nothing wrong here. This is not your relationship to protect. You have no reason to be defensive.
And ultimately, if you guys have chemistry and he realizes maybe he's met someone new that like he wants to explore, he has the right to do that. And it's not a sin. But he how he goes about that really matters. You know, does he deal with his shit at home?
in a way that makes you think he has high character, that he doesn't make excuses for things, and he's not a monkey going from one branch to another, dipping his toes in the waters with a potential relationship with you, feeling it out, and then playing that game of, I'm not really doing anything wrong, but if my girlfriend was watching, she'd be pretty fucking pissed.
Yeah.
yeah it's just i don't know i guess i'm trying to read it the right way because sometimes you know you often think like okay well like to your point no act like physical boundaries have been crossed there hasn't been a lot of inquiry on like what my what i'm looking for like things like that those quite those relationship type questions haven't been asked has he complimented you on your looks ever
Not really. I wouldn't say that. However, he did invite me to go hang out with him again. He has invited me to hang out with him again. Like small gestures, I guess. But I guess what I'm kind of trying to understand is, okay, well, maybe he really is just like my friend. He's really just trying to be my friend. You know?
I mean, what do you really think?
I don't think that's true.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of dating someone still connected to an ex?
And like, Like trying to make these like plans with me.
How old is he?
He is 26.
Okay.
He just turned 26.
Yeah. You know, young enough, but like, he's not like, you know, this behavior, the way you're talking. I would cut some slack, you know, if you were like, I'm 21, I'm 19, I'm 20, you know, I'm a sophomore in college. I'd give you some slack because... Or him, I mean, I don't... You've done nothing wrong here. I mean, the only thing I could critique is I think you are...
I think you're making some excuses and you're not looking at it through the lens that if I were you, I would to protect yourself. And again, you have a real opportunity to see how this man operates as a boyfriend and you're not seeing it that way because it really doesn't matter what his intentions are. You know, you're doing the game of like, well, I don't really think he means this.
And I wonder what he thinks. And you're talking to your girlfriends, guessing everything. his intentions and all that you really need to ask yourself is if I'm his girlfriend, would I be, would I fuck with this? Like, would I be cool with this?
Yeah. Yeah. But it's, yeah, I think I just like weighed more into the, like the checking of the boxes rather than like actual context because.
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Chapter 7: How does one establish boundaries when co-parenting with an ex?
He's really fun. I can tell he likes to get out of the house and do things. And I'm not a homebody myself, so... I mean, I know those are like surface level, but like, you know, those are good. Like the kindness part and like being able to like think about others and then, you know, ambition. Those are important to me.
I'm Googling something here.
What are you Googling?
What professions cheat the most?
Isn't it like the three P's? physicians, firefighters, police.
Number three is doctors, nurses, and EMTs. And I would say, you know, those are people who, you know, not all, but I think it requires an immense amount of empathy and care and consideration for other people, you know? And so again, I don't think it's a black and white thing.
And I think again, like you could be a police officer, the service industry is up there too, like in service to others, you know, to protect and serve, you know, you can be, there's just a lot of complicated people out there, right. Who have dedicated their lives to the service of others and fill in endeavors and they're just really bad partners.
So I think it's, you know, I mean, the good thing is that you're saying check the box and I don't think you're too far off because it's just a box you're checking, but you're not really getting to know these people. And as I, you know, I've said in my book, a bunch of, you know, I'm saying my book and I say it a lot of times, but like chemistry is,
You're describing things that are why you have chemistry with this guy. He's attractive, of course. You're gonna have chemistry with people you find attractive. You're from the same hometown. You have similar stories in terms of what you're pursuing. So common interests creates chemistry. We go to the same church. We were both on The Bachelor together.
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Chapter 8: What steps can be taken to ensure emotional health in complex relationships?
But that's all you really know about him. And I would be careful to make assumptions...
in leaps about his character because they line up with similar things that you're doing he may be the greatest guy of all time and maybe this is a blip and maybe there's some backstory maybe the relationship hasn't been great lately and he's trying to fight it and make it work and like maybe this is a moment of weakness for him but other than that he's a pretty high character guy who's never cheated on his girlfriend but this is a moment where he will have to you know
Like, we've all been there, never cheated. But like, when I look at my entire relationship history, I mean, there are certainly moments where I was like, I definitely shouldn't have, you know, I towed a line there that I shouldn't have towed. And that wasn't, you know, that wasn't my best moment as a boyfriend, you know, or, you know, like we have all, no one's perfect in relationships.
We all, you know, we have moments of weakness. So maybe this is a moment of weakness for him, but I wouldn't be so quick to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Yeah, kind of, probably need to do it. Yeah, tried lightly. And I haven't like intentionally reciprocated. I've just maintained like being nice, especially after that. You know, him saying like, oh, I have this serious girlfriend that I've been with for a year and a half. I was just kind of for me, like I went from, oh, I think like this could lead to something like presenting wise.
Like in my mind, I was like completely like confused. But I was like, okay, I'm getting friend-zoned right now. This is maybe him trying to set up the boundary. Him mentioning they had a girlfriend? Yeah, maybe that was him just trying to be like, okay, see how this looks. Let me just put this there so that we can proceed forward.
But then actions following are just kind of like, I don't know, because even when we have breaks for lunch, he's inviting me to go on walks with him and stuff like that.
So let me ask you, have you ever seen Wolf of Wall Street?
I don't think I have, which I know is like an American classic and I haven't seen it.
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