Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! Our first caller was blocked by her best friend of 15 years. Our second caller’s boyfriend still has an engagement ring for his ex. And, our third caller recently received news about her dad’s affair. “Is it acceptable for me to have a timeline?” Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff every Monday starting October 21st! Available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896 https://open.spotify.com/show/4NWA8LBk15l2u5tNQqDcOO?si=c03a23d537f94735 Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to [email protected] to be a part of our Monday episodes. To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to [email protected] with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Article - Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit https://www.article.com/viall and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. Huggies - Learn more at https://www.Huggies.com Helix Sleep - Helix is offering 20% off + 2 FREE pillows for all mattress orders! Go to HelixSleep.com/Viall OneSkin - OneSkin is redefining the aging process with their proprietary OS-01peptide, the first ingredient proven to help skin look, feel, and behave like its younger self. Get 15% off with code VIALL at https://oneskin.co Rosetta Stone - Today Viall Files listeners can get Rosetta Stone’s LIFETIME Membership for 50% off! Visit https://rosettastone.com/viall MasterClass - MasterClass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to https://masterclass.com/NICK for the current offer. Episode Socials: @viallfiles @nickviall @justinkaphillips @dereklanerussell
Chapter 1: What happened between Taylor and her best friend?
I would like us to be more intentional about an engagement, but I've realized I've been making our engagement about what I want and I'm sorry. It still bothers me this ring exists, but I don't want to pressure you. But I also, more importantly, want us to focus on what's best for us and make a decision together. But that does require him to also work with you. It's one of those things.
Most guys don't want to go ring shopping with their potential fiancé and have her pink out a ring. Most guys don't want to plan the engagement with their fiancé. they want to surprise you, you know? But at the same time, like Natalie set me up for success. She, she described the type of ring she wanted. She told her friends about it.
So like, I didn't, it's like, I didn't go buy the, I didn't go pick out the ring, but I, I knew enough with enough lead time that, so when I decided to do it, like I could do it where it wasn't, she knew, she didn't know about it. She didn't know it was coming. Sure. She had a pretty good idea of a general timeline for sure. But, I still felt like I was surprising her.
But we were definitely on the same page. I knew when we were ready because we talked about it. I think she knew it was going to happen in the next six months type of thing. But right now, he is setting these false timelines, again, because he's trying to appease you. And then when that timeline comes up, he's like, wait, I'm not ready. Because again, it's not about you two.
It's about you trying to get your way and him trying to make you happy. You got a grimace on your face. What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
I don't know. Like we just, we had a conversation the other day about it and he goes, even if I wanted to set a proposed to you next week and you bringing it up makes me not want to do it. I'm like, I just need something. I need you to tell me, give me a little bit of when it could happen. I'm not telling you to tell me the exact day and month, but like, is it this year?
Well, now that the year is almost over, but like Is it next year?
Why? I mean, why do you, you gotta let go of that control. Like it's again, it's just like, I don't think men dream about their wedding. Like women do for the most part, you know, but like, I think men still want to feel like they made the decision because they wanted to, and they want to, you know, like,
I don't know how romantic your boyfriend is, or I don't know what type of engagement he has planned, but I imagine he wants to do it, again, not because he was forced to do it. Do you know the circumstances in which him and his, you know, I can only say he got cheated on, but why did he buy that ring in the first place? Like, were they talking about engagement?
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Chapter 2: How should I approach a friendship in crisis?
Especially if you have a therapist and you can talk to your mom or here if you need. Yeah. It's none of anyone else's business. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's a tough situation, but our parents are never perfect. Relationships and marriages are incredibly hard. Again, not justifying what your dad did, but
There's just no point in ruining your memory of your father, specifically the type of father he was to you. There's just no point in ruining that because what happened doesn't make your memory of him as a father any bit untrue. Your mom, obviously, is slightly a different story, you know, but, you know.
it sounds like which is the case and i think a lot of marriages your dad had some really good moments uh and of being a great partner and he had some really bad moments at the first person you know again i'm not trying to justify it but i i don't know i guess i think we again again we live in a time where we we're just so comfortable with demonizing people for
for especially when we feel wronged by them you know if we are hurt by someone they're a monster they're a narcissist they're a sociopath or all these things and it's like i don't know maybe they're just human maybe they have their own bullshit and their trauma it's also easier to blame others than look they look in the mirror so again i think there's a little bit of that what's going on with her do you think there would be any benefit in trying to get in touch with this woman no no
What's the reason?
I guess more so to try to understand. I think what's so difficult is not knowing that I'll never really know what happened or to what extent her posting was true. Obviously, speaking with her, I'll get more of the same side of the story. But I have found I've had a difficult time letting go. And I feel like I want to, I guess, understand her intentions with sharing that post.
I would be willing to bet she doesn't fully understand her intentions. I bet the passing of your father tragically affected her, triggered her, probably brought up a lot of feelings. Again, she clearly feels... It affected her. Your dad hurt her. I mean, that's, that's something we have to acknowledge, you know, and she's writing. This is clearly like an emotional reaction.
So the way it reads is like your dad's a monster. And do you deep down think that he is? No.
Yeah.
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Chapter 4: Is it normal to have a timeline for engagement?
Okay. I can do that.
And also, just remind yourself, you do not want a proposal under these circumstances. You're not getting what you want. I hope you're not getting engaged so you can show a ring to your friends.
No, I'm not. I mean, it doesn't help that everyone around us is married, engaged, kids.
But to say, hey, listen, I don't care about anyone else, say that to him. He will feel much better when you say, I've realized I've let other people's, I still want to work towards something. I still want us to work on connecting and growing and move towards a relationship.
I would like us to be more intentional about an engagement, but I've realized I've been making our engagement about what I want and I'm sorry. It still bothers me this ring exists, but I don't want to pressure you. But I also, more importantly, want us to focus on what's best for us and make a decision together. But that does require him to also work with you. It's one of those things.
Most guys don't want to go ring shopping with their potential fiancé and have her pink out a ring. Most guys don't want to plan the engagement with their fiancé. they want to surprise you, you know? But at the same time, like Natalie set me up for success. She, she described the type of ring she wanted. She told her friends about it.
So like, I didn't, it's like, I didn't go buy the, I didn't go pick out the ring, but I, I knew enough with enough lead time that, so when I decided to do it, like I could do it where it wasn't, she knew, she didn't know about it. She didn't know it was coming. Sure. She had a pretty good idea of a general timeline for sure. But, I still felt like I was surprising her.
But we were definitely on the same page. I knew when we were ready because we talked about it. I think she knew it was going to happen in the next six months type of thing. But right now, he is setting these false timelines, again, because he's trying to appease you. And then when that timeline comes up, he's like, wait, I'm not ready. Because again, it's not about you two.
It's about you trying to get your way and him trying to make you happy. You got a grimace on your face. What are you thinking? What are you feeling?
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