Chapter 1: How does feeling like a burden affect relationships?
Exactly. Um, cause it won't, you know, like you, you, people get divorced all the time. People are engaged all the time. Uh, it just makes it, it just makes it more of a pain in the ass to be honest. Like the only thing that makes relationship works is a desire to make it work from both parties. I think that's it. You know, you just both have to want to wake up and choose to figure it out.
People give up in situations like you're describing when they lose hope or they feel like they've tried everything and they can't get anywhere.
I think he feels like he's giving so much and I'm still not happy because I want that one particular thing.
Can you let that thing go?
I want to have the mental flexibility to see how else we could define full commitment. He has a lot of trauma. His parents have each been divorced three times. So there's a lot of fear there about marriage on his side. So I understand some of his fears. Also, part of it has nothing to do with me.
Sure, but I... forgetting about his trauma or your trauma or whatever, again, like, as a, you seem highly intelligent, self-aware, but like, can you wrap your brain around the idea that, If you can, like you and I can sit here and talk and you can acknowledge that marriage is not going to give you the security that you desire.
Because at the end of the day, to me, when I'm hearing from you, this is about you finding security.
Yes.
You know, you want to feel secure and safe in this relationship. Okay, that's a valid feeling, a goal to have. We all want to feel safe and secure. You, somewhere along the lines, have decided that marriage is that security and safety that you need, right? But through this conversation, you can also acknowledge that is a misguided, inaccurate viewpoint of what marriage is, especially in 2024.
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Chapter 2: What should I do when my partner feels overwhelmed?
Yeah, he is.
Okay.
We're on the same page with that.
Great. Right. So that matters as far as marriage. Yeah. You know, less important because again, as we just discussed, what is really marriage in 2024 is,
other than like you know maybe that final step of like i'm really in this thing you know and we're committed to each other but even then you know it's all it is is a contract in a ceremony but it doesn't really give you that much more security thank you this is helpful just like seeing yeah getting out of my own way has to be recognizing that and having that internal dialogue but
that that is the wrong place to seek safety.
Yeah.
I just hope that he'll still choose me. We're kind of at this, we're at a, we're at a real fork in the road right now. Uh, his energy has shifted and I, I've been through breakups before. I can tell.
Sure. Yeah.
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