does hating your ex help you
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Why did the host say 'I hated my ex' and what realization followed?
I hated her. I absolutely hated my ex because she showed me who I was. She showed me that I was insecure about a lot of things, that I didn't really believe in myself in the way that I thought. And when she challenged me, when she sat there and told me, I don't think you are serious about anything you want to do in your life. And I think you waste your time more than anything. I realized I hate you. I hate you. Why would you ever say that? You're my girlfriend. You're supposed to be the person that will support me no matter what. You would run through a brick wall to protect me. But then I realized that I don't actually hate her. I hate you. Even though I point my fingers at her, I got three pointing back.
Your hatred for another person is hatred within yourself. It's disguised, but that's usually what it is. Your hatred of someone who does not subscribe to who you believe they should be is coming from the fact that you do not follow any of the morals that you set for yourself. You let yourself down. If you are quick and super, super cutthroat about judging someone else, it means that you impose those same standards on yourself. When someone says that they hate me, which happens, I realize that they don't actually hate me. It's a reflection of them. It's a reflection of their character, who they are. And sure, I will be the first one to say that I messed up. I was not perfect in that relationship. And we were never going to work.
But to go and just turn all of this realization, this, I don't know, discovery about who I was and who this other person was into hatred, I don't think that that... Serves me well. Because hatred is a great fuel. Oh, it is. I mean, think of history. How many times people were able to push ideologies and beliefs just because of hatred. We're kind of seeing it happen now, I would say. It's really easy to be a hater. It's really easy to tear somebody apart and then use that as leverage for your own self and be like, I'm way better than this person. This person sucks. We all do it. I hate to admit it, right? But we all sometimes hate. Another part of it is because it's a cheap fuel. When you are given... the precursors to hate somebody, usually when that's an ex, it makes it so easy to change because the entire time you are wanting them to see the change and so you work extra hard to make sure it is rubbed in their face.
The best and most consistent times in my life when I was in my best shape was because I was trying to prove that I hate on the other person. Yes, I'll admit it. I was trying to show that person that they messed up and it wasn't coming from a place of love for my own body. It was coming from a place of smugness. I wanted to show up to a party that they were at that I knew they were going to be at and have a nice tight fitting shirt and have them be like oh wow he did really glow up didn't he but the problem with hatred and the emotion of hate and the fuel that it brings is it doesn't last long you can only operate out of hate for so long until you realize that they don't care they don't care And then it makes you wonder, who am I doing all this for?
Because it's not for them. They don't really matter. What the heck? You're kind of left at a loss. Well, the hatred then goes to you. and battling yourself, battling your internal dialogues, battling the side of you that wants to lose and that wants to feel comfortable and does not want you to succeed, that is one of the hardest battles every human being will face in their life. And I'll tell you right now, if you want to change things about yourself, it's not gonna come from hatred. It's not. Because when you have another person to blame, it is so much easier to put yourself on a pedestal. It is so much easier to embrace the things that are good about yourself because you are being attacked from an enemy that is not within you.
But when that turns inward, you don't have anyone to blame other than yourself. So you begin to only blame yourself.
How can hating someone reflect your own insecurities and self-standards?
So you begin to constantly just hate your self.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
Why did the host say 'I hated my ex' and what realization followed?
0:00–5:20
2
How can hating someone reflect your own insecurities and self-standards?
5:20–9:45
3
Can hatred be used as motivation and why does that fuel fade?
9:45–14:34
4
What happens when revenge-driven self-improvement backfires?
14:34–19:25