you’re frozen while the world moves on
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How do you commit to a difficult choice when motivation fades?
Promise me you'll do the hard thing when it comes down to brass tacks, when you are no longer on a high of, you know what, I'm going to lock in, I'm going to do all these things. When it gets tough, you recognize that it's not easy and you still do it regardless. I think a lot of us love to get hyped up on the idea of change and being a new person, but let's be so for real. When it comes to the moments where we feel uncomfortable, when we feel like we're not good enough and that we won't be able to change and we're stuck the way that we are, we're so easily convinced to give everything up, even if we've been a little bit consistent, even if we feel like we've been doing good.
It's so easy to just say, nah, I'm throwing in the towel.
I got a DM the other day from a listener and she expressed concern about her current place in life. She moved to a new big city like Toronto behind me, Tom. I'm so frozen. I can't even speak. Look, I'm all red. And she was talking about how she's feeling a little bit of FOMO because her friends stayed back in her hometown. They went to like a college nearby. They're having a blast and she feels alone. It was an interesting DM because it reminded me a lot of my time when I left to go to a big, you know, university. All of my friends stayed in the hometown that I grew up in and I kind of felt alone. Change is not easy. And change oftentimes means that you will have pain. You are going to face the person that you once were and have to actively say, no, I'm not gonna be that person.
That's not easy. It's painful. But pain means growth. You know growing pains, right? When you were younger, you would feel them in your shoulders and your legs. It was like all weird. Well, the same thing happens with us as adults when we move through serious challenges, especially with who we are as people. Grieving is painful, but you learn from it. Some mistakes can be painful. Again, you learn from it. Regret, oh, one of the worst pains of them all, right? you still learn from it. If you feel alone right now, it doesn't mean you're gonna be alone forever. And on the contrary, I don't think you should look at the fact that things are a little bit weird right now, right? My tripod was about to blow away.
Did you guys see that? That was crazy. You shouldn't look at these things as signs that it's only gonna get worse. Because all you have right now with these experiences is what you are going through at this moment. The more that you catastrophize, what can happen? Well, if I feel lonely right now, I'm only gonna feel more terrible as time changes. Yeah, if you stay the same. And this is kind of the response that I had to the DM that I got. You have to exhaust all the options. And rarely do people like that answer because it's true and it's kind of the ugly truth. If you wanna make something work, you have to put it into your own hands. And you have to create an upside for yourself. And that is rarely easy.
Why do we feel frozen and experience FOMO after big life changes?
If anything, it means doing the things that make you uncomfortable. If you're in a new place, it means starting conversations first. If you are somebody that is working out more, it's about keeping yourself accountable for your diet. You have to recognize where the pain is coming from and find a way to work against it. Find a way to kind of address it and be like, okay, I am lonely. I do feel alone. I also really want to act alone. I'm going to start looking for an acting class. I'm going to start looking for people who also love what I love. And if you love standing in the freezing cold of Toronto, Canada, then we can be best friends right now. Because this is crazy. I'm on Ward Island. Ward's Island.
And you know what? Besides the blistering cold, this place is so awesome because you can have a picture-perfect view of the planes that are landing here. Look at that. That's on the island. This is landing on the island right there, that plane that's behind me. Crazy. It's also beautiful at the sunset. It's a wonderful little spot if you're ever in Toronto. Come out here. Actually, the reason that it's Ward's Island is because Ward was a man who lived here with his family.
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