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Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

We beef with the pontiff and admire the Stanley Cup

18 Apr 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What significant change has occurred in NPR's funding this year?

0.031 - 23.541 Brittany Luce

This year, for the first time in NPR's history, public media is operating without federal funding. That means NPR needs your support now more than ever. I'm Brittany Luce from It's Been a Minute. Please do your part to keep independent, reliable news coverage strong and support the podcasts that get you through the day by making a gift for public media giving days. Head over to donate.npr.org.

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28.651 - 40.064 Alzo Slade

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the man they bring in when Bill Curtis gets busted for claiming Peter as a dependent.

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42.657 - 52.728 Alzo Slade

I'm Alzo Slade, and here's your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago.

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52.748 - 72.259 Peter Sagal

Thank you, Alzo. Thanks, everyone. Thanks to all of you. Great to see you. We do have a fine show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking for the first time ever on our show to a professional escort. That's right, the man who was paid to escort the Stanley Cup. What did you think I meant? But first, it's your turn to come on and try to check me into the boards. Give us a call.

72.339 - 80.053 Peter Sagal

The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

80.735 - 90.332 Adam Burke

Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Jennifer. I live in Tampa, Florida. I am an ELCA Lutheran pastor. Yeah, so...

90.312 - 98.804 Peter Sagal

I think, and I'm not sure about this, but the one person who was excited about Tampa was also the same person excited about you being a Lutheran.

Chapter 2: What unique experiences does Phil Pritchard share about the Stanley Cup?

99.024 - 118.491 Peter Sagal

So maybe it's a coincidence. Maybe they're just really happy today. We don't know. Yes. Well, Jennifer, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian who'll be appearing at the White Rabbit Cabaret in Indianapolis, Indiana on Thursday, April 23rd. It's Adam Burke. Hi. Nice to meet you, Jennifer. Hi. Hi.

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120.62 - 131.631 Peter Sagal

Next up, you can see here April 23rd through the 26th at Rooster T. Feathers in San Jose, California, and May 8th at the Hollywood Improv with the Netflix is a Joke Festival. It's Dulce Sloan.

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136.355 - 149.228 Peter Sagal

Hello. It's me. Amen. And a comedian you can see at Soboba Casino in San Jacinto, California, April 24th, and the Comedy Cellar in Las Vegas, April 27th through May 3rd. It's Alonzo Bowden.

149.568 - 149.648

Woo!

150.016 - 170.322 Peter Sagal

Hello. So, Jennifer, Reverend Jennifer, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Alzo? This time, Alzo Slade filling in for Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Okay.

Chapter 3: How did the panelists express their thoughts on a beef with the Pope?

170.342 - 196.182 Peter Sagal

Here is your first quote, Jennifer. It's from the president attacking a new rival this week. He's very weak on crime. Apparently, President Trump was upset about the high crime rate In Vatican City? As he took on who this week? Pope Leo. Yes, the Pope. Or to use his technical title, the Pope.

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197.904 - 220.353 Peter Sagal

Yes, the president got into a beef with the Pope about the war in Iran, but who knew that the Pope was weak on crime? That was surprising. It also raises the question, do we want a tough on crime Pope? Like he takes your confession and instead of seven Hail Marys, he gives you the death penalty?

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220.373 - 226.623 Peter Sagal

And I gotta say, if President Trump thinks the Pope is weak on crime, wait till he finds out about the Buddha.

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228.987 - 240.561 Alonzo Bodden

If you wanted any proof that Donald Trump knows nothing about history, he's starting to beef with an Italian guy from Chicago. Exactly. Exactly. That never ends well. No, it doesn't.

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240.581 - 243.446 Adam Burke

And Italian guys from Chicago love beef.

243.466 - 254.307 Peter Sagal

It's true. It's true. And thinking about it, though, but actually, we thought about it. It'd be cool if the Pope did fight crime, right? It'd be exciting. Like, coming to Netflix this summer, only murders in the conclave.

256.261 - 258.404 Adam Burke

Well, they've already had murders in the conflict.

258.464 - 264.012 Peter Sagal

That's true, yeah. That's how we kept getting new popes. Does Trump think he's weak on crime?

Chapter 4: What humorous anecdotes arise from the discussion about misdiagnoses?

264.032 - 285.002 Peter Sagal

Because last time I was in the Vatican, there was a bunch of guys nailed to wooden bars everywhere, hoping to do anything about it. So he starts this beef with the pope, and then he decides to, like, just, you know, throw some fuel in the fire. He posts a picture of himself as Jesus healing the sick. And when he was criticized for this, he insisted—and this is true—

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284.982 - 297.724 Peter Sagal

Oh, he's not supposed to be Jesus in the picture, don't you see? He's a doctor. That's what he said, because whose doctor doesn't wear flowing white robes and treat you with glowing beams of light emanating from his hand?

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298.365 - 301.47 Alonzo Bodden

Well, that's the Republican health plan they've been working on.

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301.49 - 301.85 Peter Sagal

Right there, yeah.

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301.871 - 302.772 Alonzo Bodden

That's all you're going to get.

305.823 - 323.199 Peter Sagal

Jennifer, here is your next quote. Okay. Just take two aspirin, you'll be fine. That advice was given to a patient who was in fact suffering a serious medical condition. It was part of a study showing you should not ask what for medical advice.

326.623 - 329.325 Adam Burke

I'm going to say AI, but perhaps I need a hint.

329.405 - 355.131 Peter Sagal

No, you were right. AI, chat bots, chat GPT. Everybody's doing it, but they shouldn't. New research says if you give AI chatbots just one or two symptoms of something bothering you, they will fail to give you the right diagnosis 80% of the time. Either they will, as that one did, dismiss a serious disease as nothing, or say a minor complaint means you just have days to live.

356.092 - 361.7 Peter Sagal

Robots are stealing other robots' jobs. Telling me I'm going to die is WebMD's thing.

Chapter 5: How do AI chatbots perform in providing medical advice?

373.847 - 374.448 Alonzo Bodden

Yes, I know.

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374.468 - 383.837 Peter Sagal

They're just like, it'll be fine. Have you guys ever done this? I know a lot of people actually use ChatGPT and are very happy with it. Have you ever tried it?

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383.857 - 390.724 Alzo Slade

I used it. What did you use it for? Yeah, I asked it for health advice. And what'd you get? Yeah, it told me that I was going through perimenopause.

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393.792 - 412.257 Peter Sagal

It does explain the moon swings. Now, of course, the way the chatbots do is they just suck up all the information on the internet and they use predictive technology to figure out what to say. So this is true. A researcher in Sweden uploaded a fake paper, she wrote, describing a completely made-up illness called Bixanomania.

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412.237 - 438.676 Peter Sagal

including thanks to, and I quote, researchers at Starfleet Academy and funding from the Sideshow Bob Foundation in the paper. And sure enough, within a year, chatbots were telling people all over the world that they had Bixen mania. The amazing part, Bixen mania is what the Trump Jesus doctor was curing in that picture.

438.696 - 449.187 Adam Burke

So chat, GPT is just... A telephone psychic? Kind of, sort of. They have no information. They have absolutely nothing. So it's just Ms. Cleo?

449.247 - 454.114 Alonzo Bodden

Well, sort of, kind of. No, because chat GPT does not cost 99 cents a minute.

454.134 - 457.578 Peter Sagal

That's true. All right. Here, Jennifer, is your last quote.

458.459 - 458.559 Alzo Slade

Okay.

Chapter 6: What unusual food habits are discussed in relation to Airbnb stays?

458.58 - 462.725 Alzo Slade

Stuff always gets left behind. I didn't have to pay for eggs for a hot minute.

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462.845 - 481.802 Peter Sagal

That was someone quoted in the Washington Post about why they like to eat the food people leave behind. Where? At a restaurant? Not at a restaurant. That would be creepy, walking around, waiting for people to leave a table, diving in before the busboy can get there. Yeah, I've done it, but I'm not recommending it.

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482.423 - 483.205 Dulcé Sloan

Can you give me a hint?

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483.325 - 487.452 Peter Sagal

Yeah, well, apparently they are supposed to clean between guests, but sometimes they don't check the fridge.

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487.718 - 489.402 Adam Burke

Oh, in a hotel.

489.422 - 508.562 Peter Sagal

Well, close, in an Airbnb, right? More and more people are booking private vacation rentals, right? There's a growing debate, as that happens, about whether or not you should eat the leftovers you find in the fridge. Some people think that's gross. Other people are like, oh, great, free baba ganoush. I think...

510.382 - 521.419 Adam Burke

Wouldn't it depend on, like, it was just like, oh, there's a bag of oranges. Right. I could see somebody doing that as opposed to, oh, there's chicken wings and four of them got a bite out of it.

522.44 - 544.293 Peter Sagal

Yeah. Actually, you know who apparently eats a lot of it are the owners of the Airbnb. That's part of, I guess, a perk of being a landlord. One guy complained to the Post that his family wouldn't eat the leftovers he brought home from his rental, which he said recently included lobster mac and cheese. Come on, kids, it's just old cheese and shellfish other people just breathed on. It's great.

545.055 - 562.502 Peter Sagal

Now, there are certain food items you know you're always going to find in a vacation rental, like your old vegetable oil, an unusually small amount of pancake mix. It's all useless. On the other hand, if you are going to make a recipe that calls for nothing but bay leaves, you are in business.

Chapter 7: What are the key insights from the quiz segment with the audience?

563.884 - 576.421 Adam Burke

Odd spices that don't connect. It's like cinnamon. in Majorum. I don't know what I'm supposed to make. I can't put this on a chicken. Kind of weird. Cinnamon chicken? I'm not that lady.

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576.561 - 585.152 Peter Sagal

You can, and then leave it for the Airbnb owner. That'll teach him. And ruin his night. Also, how did Jennifer do in our quiz?

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585.453 - 592.081 Alzo Slade

She got a perfect score. Three out of three. Congratulations, Reverend.

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592.101 - 597.574 Peter Sagal

Hallelujah! Thanks. Thank you so much for playing. It was very fun. Thank you very much.

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597.654 - 603.113 Phil Pritchard

Take care.

612.83 - 632.328 Peter Sagal

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Alonzo, big news in cheesemaking. Thanks... I know, it's exciting. Thanks to a change in the law in Switzerland, the makers of traditional Swiss cheese will now be able to add artificial what to their cheeses? Holes? Yes, holes!

633.208 - 647.412 Peter Sagal

In recent years, holes have started disappearing from traditional Swiss cheese, something I learned from my holes Google alert. I'm so mad. A hole can't disappear.

Chapter 8: What predictions do the panelists make about future Airbnb trends?

647.714 - 675.397 Peter Sagal

Yeah. A hole is the disappearance of the thing that the hole is replacing. I'm about to lose my mind. Let me attempt to explain. It turns out in traditional Swiss cheese making, the holes in the cheese are caused by tiny particles of hay from the milk barn that gets into the milk. And with modern automatic milking technology, those little particles don't occur, right?

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676.059 - 695.271 Peter Sagal

So Swiss cheesemakers want the holes back, but not from the guy who keeps showing up at the factory saying, I'll do it, no questions asked. So they went to court in Switzerland and won the right to create their own holes artificially, and it's still Swiss cheese.

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695.652 - 711.178 Peter Sagal

I love that at some point in this saga, somebody pounded his fist in the table and said, get me the best damn cheese lawyer money can buy. I love that Switzerland basically sat out World War I and II, but this, they finally take a stand.

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711.258 - 712.26 Alzo Slade

Yeah, we've got to get the hold back.

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714.046 - 723.128 Peter Sagal

Coming up, the pressure is on in this week's Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

724.188 - 745.973 Unknown

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746.453 - 771.66 Unknown

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775.994 - 794.435 Alzo Slade

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Adam Burke, and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

794.455 - 807.004 Peter Sagal

Thank you, Alzo. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

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