Chapter 1: What is the premise of the Wife Swap episode featuring Emily Simpson?
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Hello there, and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben. Hello, Ben.
Hello.
Hello, Rondala. How are you? Good. Today is a great day. It's finally the episode we've all been waiting for of Wife Swap, the Emily Simpson Apple Zone. I know we're all dying to see some more Emily on our televisions. And guess what? The good Lord delivered Emily coming around the corner, just entertaining as hell today on Bravo. So congratulations on all the great work you did.
Emily Simpson, everybody. for a round of applause icon icon an icon of the housewifery arts um yeah we're gonna get into that but before we do uh monday is amazon live that's at 4 p.m pacific time on amazon okay you can watch that on your tvs on your amazon prime app Or you can come find the links at our Instagram link in bio and come talk to us over there.
We always have a good time reading your comments, talking about what we're shopping for, et cetera. So join us for that. And we are also going to be having a meetup at BravoCon. We're not sure of the date or the time, but if you're going to be at BravoCon, it's going to be a free event. We just want to meet you guys and hang out with you and party with you a little bit.
So just check our socials for that. We'll announce it probably the day of that we do it in BravoCon. So keep your eyes out. It won't be a lot of notice. Just know it's going to happen and you are coming.
Okay.
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Chapter 2: How does Emily Simpson's family dynamic play out during the swap?
If you got a suitcase and filled it with absolutely nothing but it somehow weighed 350 pounds, that's my husband. You know what? That's different because the suitcase would actually have a handle that I could fuck. This person, look at him. Disgusting human being. I was like, wow, this lady hates her husband. This one, I'm like, these two are going to be divorced.
Like in a year, this marriage is not lasting. I'm saying this right now. It is not lasting, despite whatever bow they try to put on at the end of this episode. It is over. And they need to, you know, I say, look, if you're a wife that hates your husband and you're going to go on wife swap, this is your one chance to make your case to the court why he's terrible.
I mean, we can already see kind of why, because he's not...
great i mean i wouldn't say he's a horrible person or anything but a lot of this like i don't do none of the housework like you're dead to me first of all but like he seems to love her but she hates him and this is where you need to make your case of what a piece of shit this guy is and she doesn't really she's just like she just kind of points at him she's like what a loser right it's like she's actually like mean like i was surprised the arc of the episode is a little surprising
uh because she's just she hates him so much and she you can see she barely can tolerate his presence so then we meet by the way their kids are so cute and so adelaide is like mom does all the cooking mom does the cleaning and dad ruins everything i was like whoa okay i wonder if mom has been in the ears of these kids you know that that goes off to work 100 she's like your father ruins everything around here if you're unhappy about something it's because of your father
Yeah. So she's like, well, my house is very much reminiscent of like the English countryside. Okay. Which probably everybody in New Jersey says, but it's true. And ever since I was a little girl, I always dreamed of having this big backyard farm. And Eric loves the farm. Right, Eric? He definitely loves the farm. You better fucking love the farm. Eric loves the farm. And you know what?
He's the biggest fucking cow here. Yeah. I hate the farm. I never thought I'd be buying hay, you know? And like, you know, when they say make hay when the sun shines, I didn't think that was literal. And they think things like that and paying for a vet, oh my God, it's crazy how much they charge. I'm effectively like a walking ATM for the family and the pig.
I feel like at times I'm, but like I'm the dad and I have to sponsor everyone's happiness and it's like a thankless job, okay? Like, well, who's better trained, the pig or Eric? I don't know if I like that question. Okay, it's like the pig, of course. You're like, yeah, well, I'm a medical director at a large health care facility. And it's a lot of work. You know, it's a stressful period.
You know, I don't think I'm appreciated. Appreciated. Yeah, he works. But I'd love for him to take more of an active role in the household. And I'd love his main role to be shutting up. That would be great. Could you take more of a role in shutting the fuck up, Eric? He's like, well, do you want to come to work and have lunch with me? And she's like, why is that so important with you?
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Chapter 3: What challenges does Kaylee face in her new environment?
Like this is just, we're not in the full, we're just walking into the compound and then soon we'll get the atrium, right? Oh, oh, it's Emily. Oh, okay. Heather's like, I like her. I like her. We should cast her. I think it's funny because usually on this show, it's the housewives walking into the other women's houses and they're like, ew, gross. I don't know if I can live like this.
But now it's the wife swap lady who's like, oh my God, on TV, these places look big. This is actually a shoebox. Am I supposed to live in here? What is this, the pottery barn? I mean,
god i mean honestly what's what doesn't really get articulated is the fact that like this woman's house is actually quite large she has a full-size she has a mansion in new jersey and that's like the farm that they have is like one of these kind of hobby farms in the back right because they have a mansion they have all that space and then they go into emily she goes into emily's kind of like little mcmansion that's wedged in with other lego pieces of the neighborhood and she's like oh
okay but one thing that was interesting that i've never noticed in emily's house before maybe i just haven't paid attention shocker to emily's is that emily has this whole living room with like a grand piano and like a high ceiling i feel like we never see that room i feel like we're only in the kitchen and the area with the sofas that are just off of the kitchen i had no idea she had a tacky living room too oh yeah that's where she does her that's where she does her confessionals
There's always a piano behind her. I remember because one time I was like, that's like the least musical person I could ever imagine. But she's got a beautiful grand piano. But could you just imagine Emily?
She goes, the song piano man.
I'm like, please, no, God.
Under pressure.
Yeah. I don't know why I should sing. I meant to sing Pressure by Billy Joel, but instead I sang Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie. So she talks about growing up on 12 acres, riding horses, bareback. That's how she was raised. But there's also a goat in there. And her shoes were destroyed, even though she knew she was coming to a farm. She's like, my shoes are destroyed.
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Chapter 4: How do the children react to the changes in their family routine?
Oh, so what should we do after dinner? Well, we go for walks as a family. We walk down the street a lot and sometimes we take the horse, which everyone loves. They say, God, I love taking a walk also through all the horse shit that that other family leaves around. Yeah.
All right, let's put our shoes on.
So they go for a walk and they have to get the horse haltered up because they walk the horse. And she's like, oh, you guys are doing the horse halter, right? And it's like, yeah, Adelaide, you do the halter. I don't do the halter. I don't do that. The kids do it. So she's like, I know how to do it. I know how to do it. And then they open the gate and the horse just runs off and it's not haltered.
Like, damn it. You just let Tom's horse go. Let's go run away. The horse is like, I'm going to Orange County, bitch. So Tamra horse. I'm out of here, bitch. You'll never see me again. I'm the husband who takes his wife out to dinner in Orange County.
I'm out of here, bitch.
12 years. 12 years. This family's been tormenting me. You'll never see me again. Bitch. So they have to go catch a horse, and it's not so hard. And they're like, Emily, get on the horse. Get on it. She's like, oh, God. So then they halted the horse and Emily is like, oh, my God, I I've been here five minutes and I'm already having the man handle the horse.
You know, I've just met Eric and I don't know him very well, but he clearly does not know how to handle animals, even though he has a whole bunch of them in his backyard. Boy, if you didn't wrangle in the horse back there, it would have been a crisis. I'm like, that horse wasn't going to go anywhere. That horse was, it was like, I'm just here for the carrots.
Like I'm just running around, but like you show me a carrot and I am in your palm, lady. Yeah, how are you going to lose a horse? They're pretty big. And also they always come back for sugar cubes. But like horse, they want the carrots. They're in it. I love the carrots. Give me the carrots. Give me the carrots. I swear. Okay, this is my last one.
And then I will never have a carrot again, but I just need this one last one. This one last carrot. Come on now.
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Chapter 5: What insights do the hosts share about parenting and marriage?
Midwestern. You want some waffles? And she's like, I would love a waffle. Thank you so much. This is so lovely. So then in the other house, Emily's going to help feed the horses and she's matching the kids outfit. It's really cute. So Kaylee's rule, collect chicken eggs. So they start doing that. And she asks the names of all the chickens. And Adelaide's like, we don't name them.
She goes, you got to name them. Well, we don't name things that we eat. name them. Come on. I mean, every year on our show, we get someone new to hunt and we still name them. Okay. Okay. What's this one right over here? The one named Tamra. You got a, you got a fat, that one. Yeah. This one. Hey, is this, look at that.
That chicken, did that chicken just get baptized?
It really is a tamar chicken. Oh, and look, there's a fancy chicken. What was shocking is like how they put side-by-side images and the chickens really did look like the Real Housewives. Like there was one of Heather. It was like a black and white chicken. And then they cut to a shot of Heather wearing a black and white dress. She looked just like the little chicken.
fancy pants. Oh, and this one's named Shannon. Cause it just got pulled over. That one keeps flipping the house. The call is Shannon chicken running into the cage.
Wait a second. That chicken just put the other chicken in a size 10, Susan Bender, Jean jacket.
No, there was one that's lost all its feathers and it used to be named moon. And she's like, well, that tracks a lot. You have no idea. here comes one right now so she asked who the kids spend more time with the mom or the dad and adelaide's like with mom because every monday we horseback ride and after horseback riding we go to the dinner
Oh, do you wish you spent more time with dad? Yeah, a little bit. Does he stay in his office a lot? Do you wish he came out and like did more fun things with kids and your mom?
Emily, you're leading the witness. She does it the whole episode. Every time she talks to them, she's like, whoa, do you just wish your family was different? Your father made more effort. She's like, okay. So then Eric's like, hey, you guys doing okay? You guys gonna have some lunch? All right, good luck. I'll be in the office. Tell me how that lunch turns out for you.
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Chapter 6: How do Emily and Kaylee's experiences differ throughout the swap?
Like, can everyone just go away? Why are these kids asking me questions? Oh, by the way, I have to keep my purse next to me because the pig likes to root through it. Does Louis Vuitton repair bags have a big toot on it? And then we see the pig chewing on her purse and like going through it and actually pulling stuff out, which is really funny.
But, you know, like I've said, you keep fucking burritos in there. Of course, the pig's going to get into it. What do you think? Yeah. And so Eric is he's like he's working and he's working in the sty and he's like, how do you guys do this every day? And His son is like, you should ask her with 20 years of bond experience. You got the easy part, dad. What's easy? There's nothing easy.
How about whoever goes there first does this pile. Let's race through the pig shit. Nothing bad could ever happen. Yeah. False in the pig set. Crazy, dad. Oh, no. And the kid goes, you're so fat. He's like, help. I broke my ribs. Were you leaning into yourself? Yeah. So they helped the dad. And then back in OC, they're cutting sausage, Annabelle and Kaylee. And she does it.
And she's like, oh, my God, Kaylee cut a sausage. This is amazing. I've taught this family so much. And back with Eric, Eric's like, is this where the pans have been this whole time? We keep pans here. Crazy. Yeah. Daddy, do you know how to cook? He's like, I got no idea. Oh, no. I just got ground beef in my eye. Oh, no. Please just order. Just get order takeout, please. I can't see nothing.
So then Kaylee's new rule, family dinner. Okay. So now it's Shane's family that comes over. Oh, my God. You have to cook for the family, too? That's a lot. Oh, God. It's Perry and Larry. Perry and Larry come over and so does Tara. So they're all there. And Kaylee's like, oh, my God. This is like...
amazing it's just like west coast version of papa oh you mean your dad no my mom okay it doesn't make sense to us but okay whatever it's okay don't worry my daughter-in-law invited me to a strip show in vegas while she was the stripper for support so who am i to judge that's right perry could wait could you repeat that and paris like this pasta looks so good and what buttery is it is it buttery i don't know
Annabelle's like, mm-hmm, stupid grandmother. So Shane is like, okay, well, thank you, boys, for helping. Now we can talk badly about you while you're gone, right, Luke? Ha, ha, ha, king of sarcasm in the making. He's like, how dare you? So then Annabelle's like, I don't even care what we have for dinner. I just don't like screen time limitations. It's annoying.
How am I supposed to tell how stupid this dinner is? Ha, ha, ha. So now they're back to New Jersey and they make dinner. So Emily and Eric sit in the dining room table and the kids come in and they're cute because they're acting like they're waiters and waitresses. And Adelaide's like, hello, welcome to the glorious restaurant. Tonight we're going to be serving you lasagna cups and Caesar salad.
And he's like, I love that. And they've named the restaurant glorious, which is so funny. She's like, glorious, perfect. So Eric's like, okay, date night. I almost broke my fucking neck out there, you know, like cleaning poop. But I was thinking to myself, like, I can't believe my wife does this every day. God.
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Chapter 7: What are the main rules established by Emily for her family?
So we're going to go fly fishing.
So Emily's new rule is to prioritize dad. So, uh, they're going to, he loves to fly fish. That's his thing is they're going to, no one else wants to fly fish. They go to this like stream and they start fly fishing and it's, the kids are like, they're a disaster. They're like getting their, their, their fishing lines tangled around the cameraman and no one's happy, but the dad's happy.
And actually the dad at some point, like, okay, you know what? I appreciate you guys doing this for me. This is all nice. We can't do this. Not with the kids now. Like, this is fun. I appreciate it. I get it. I see what you're doing. Let's just, let's move on. Let's go home. Yeah, they don't know how to fly fish because you haven't taken them fishing. That's sad.
There's a lot of broken things in this family. You know, this made me sad that you've never taken the kids fishing. That's nuts. And there actually is a genuinely nice moment in Orange County, which I think you were just about to set up, I'm sorry, where Kaylee and Annabelle are like in the cul-de-sac on bicycles and Annabelle is like, can I try riding my bicycle?
It's like, whoa, Annabelle, she is melting a little bit. Yeah. And she's like, no, no, I can't ride a bicycle. Well, I'm going to mess up your bike. It's like, oh, it's fine. My parents don't know this, but I ran into like so many bushes and fell off so many times. One time I sped up and I crashed it through Gina's window because she's poor and she had to put plastic on it for a month.
Shannon comes out of nowhere and goes, young lady, in the future, just say that you had to walk your dog late at night, which is why you crashed your bike. Okay, just a little tip. From an older generation to a younger one. So Emily's done and she's like, guys, this has been amazing.
You really ignited something in my heart and I just want to go hold it. Does anyone hear that? Oh, there's popcorn popping in my purse. Does anybody want some?
So then, um, Eric, she's like, here's a gift, Eric. It's a dust pad.
Oh God. I, I really am so funny.
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Chapter 8: How does the episode conclude with both families reflecting on their experiences?
Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera, sera, whatever will be will Lauren Sills be. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.
I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we can-a. It's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.
Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Put us on a stretcher, it's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran.
We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manok. We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. Gee, it's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Rider-Baron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani.
The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.
maximum love for sandy maximoska she's the queen bee it's sarah lemke we cannot tell a lie it's sarah tell of son shannon out of a cannon anthony please don't stop it's solely in pop let's take off with tamla plane we're obsessed all with tessa v she ain't no shrinking violet kuchar we love you guys
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