Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode.
So then we go to Craig's house. I mean, but I don't think that that works really because on Bravo, no one expects you to eat.
I just felt like there was so much buildup about that cake. Like we got a whole story about that the cake was from grandma and grandma used to make it and we should serve it every Christmas Eve. And so she's making it now, even though it's summer, but it's like their Christmas Eve coffee cake and they all put it together and they quiz like how many ounces in a cup.
Oh, and it's all coming together. Now we're watching it. They both put it in the oven and then we just never see how it turns out.
Like you got, I think the cake sets and that's why. And they didn't want to hurt the feelings of the grandma, because look, let me tell you one thing. I don't trust a southern grandmother who's not named Meemaw, Meemer, Mimi, Mamaw, Gigi, Gammy, Granggrang, Goomgoom, Blingting, Plongplong, or Pongpong. I'm just not going to trust it. No, there's no just grandma. It's my grandma's.
No, it's your Meemaw's, your Mamaw's, your Meemers, your Mimis, or your Gigi's. Come on.
It was clearly a shitty cake that was dry and stuck to the pan. Yeah.
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Chapter 2: What happens at Craig's pool party?
That's why no one ever typed it. That's why no one ever typed it out.
Mm-hmm.
So now we're at Craig's house and it's two hours. I turned to Bronwyn.
Yeah. One thing that we have to admit is that it's just not a good cake.
That's it. Two hours before Craig's Memorial Day pool party from when we were little and people are setting up and Craig is like, Jack, we don't have a lot of shade, Jack. And so he sets up like an umbrella, which becomes a point of contention later on for Madison that there's not enough umbrellas.
Well, it's a good point. I mean, you have a big backyard party and there's no umbrellas.
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Chapter 3: How do the guests react to the cake situation?
Hello. What are they going to hide under your slurpy machine? Come on now. And Jack's not very helpful either. Craig's like, why don't we have any shade? And Jack just goes, well, I mean, people will be in the pool. Okay, Jack, you're not helping. Okay, the pool was already here, assistant. Think ahead, Jack.
Jack, are you getting in the pool? No, you're not? Well, then, now you're shown. Not everyone's getting in the pool. Get some shade, Jack. Got loser.
So, Craig is going to make some pina coladas. He's like, what are the chances this works? Zero. You will not make a pina colada, and I will bet my life on it.
a problem yeah because he's not going to follow the instructions it's going to have because a machine like that i'm sure the mix has a specific instruction you need a certain like proportion of alcohol to ice in order for it to get the right consistency and craig is just going to eyeball and just pour it in there we all know it we all know and we actually got a an email this week from somebody asking us very nicely it was a very sweet email but someone's saying you guys you know you're so mean to craig could you be a little nicer to craig
I thought about it long and hard. And by that, I mean five seconds. No, no. And this is why. Look at this scene. Look at this man ruin the art of the pina colada.
And then tell me to be nicer. Yes. No. Yes. I feel like I am nice to Craig because I wear my Sewing Down South sweatpants all over the place because they are incredibly comfortable. And so in that way, I advertise his product. And I think that's very nice of me. But I cannot endorse this sort of party throwing. Okay, we will give Craig his... We'll give Craig his due for the things he's due for.
His arms look better than ever. He looks great. But he's failing on the party throwing front. I'm sorry. Without Paige, this is not a good party. He's not good at making slushies. Oh, I have a question to the world. Um... Someone sent me a Pizzell maker and I don't know where it came from or who sent it. Does anyone know?
I love that you get mystery Stroopwafel for years.
I'm asking this because we're talking about the slushy machine. It made me think of like kitchen things. Pizzell maker just arrived and no card, no email from anyone. It just says here. And I just want to say whoever sent it, thank you. Because I'm going to make Stroopwafels in it. Yeah, that's a really sweet gift.
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Chapter 4: What issues arise with the party setup?
Hey, there he is. He looks good. Hey, so I spoke to Austin on the phone yesterday.
Oh, you did? Was it good or bad? Rated on one to 10 and how cool he thinks he is right now. And then we go back to Shep sitting on the stairs and Austin's like, I mean, Greg is the guy that keeps things in his back pocket and waits for you to piss him off.
And then he's like, oh yeah, well, I know this and this and this about you. And then it's like, whoa, man, that's like not a friend. That's like not a friend at all. I'm finished right now.
I wish I was an editor so I could insert the clip of Austin and Craig both ragging on Shep when they were out of town and they were at that bowling alley and they were talking about how Shep was cheating on his girlfriend the whole time. Yep. Yep. Because Austin's victimhood is making me crazy. I mean, it's not really making me crazy. It's actually kind of funny that they're always like this.
They just take turns. It's like they're a three person housewives cast every season. All right. Who are we going to get this year? Let's just rag on them the whole year until we break them down.
they are kind of like a really compelling trio I mean they are so toxic to each other but they're all there they always come back to each other but they all take like every season each one of them takes on a different role it's always the same three roles but they like shuffle the deck and hand out the new roles again every season it's always fun to see how it plays out
Yeah, so Craig's like, look, I wish I didn't freak out. But, like, okay, fine, I'll say sorry again. Jeez. But, like, in my opinion, he's jealous he can't come get in the hot tub and party with the girls. And I'm like, dude, you're dating a girl that you don't even see yourself getting married to. So I'm, like, not going to be very patient with that.
I don't think that Craig is totally wrong. I think that Austin probably... He wants to have Audrey. He likes Audrey. I think he likes Audrey enough. And I think that he likes how Audrey makes him feel like he's growing up and maturing as a person. But I think Austin definitely wants to...
hang out with girls in a hot tub and be flirtatious and kind of like ride that line and the problem is you have someone like craig who keeps calling him out like you're just hanging out you're not supposed to be doing that in the hot tub so now we can't do it because before it was sort of like everyone would just sort of look the other way and like austin would just sort of be flirtatious but he could get away with it but then like now craig is calling him out for it so now we can't even do that so he's like yeah he's mad he's mad you're blowing up his jollies
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Chapter 5: How does Craig attempt to make pina coladas?
It's not gonna happen.
And I think that's right too. I think that's actually 100% right. I have no faults with that. I think Austin totally wants to be like, I told you so. I want you to say, I told you so. Why don't you acknowledge that I told you so? And Craig is not going to do that either.
That's what they do. I mean, now Austin has apparently broken up with Audrey in real life. Spoiler alert. And Craig was on Watch What Happens Live. And they're asking him, like, do you think Austin's happier? He's like, yeah, because Austin, like, didn't even want a girlfriend in the first places, which was what I said all along. So let's see. They're just the same.
They're so funny.
So Shep goes, I think there's a pathway for us to be friends again. Because he goes, how do you think I got to this?
Wait a second. This was friendship ending?
No, I don't want it to be. Of course. I mean, I love the guy. I know you love him. God, I wish he had a pretty little freckled lip. That'd just be the best. But he doesn't. But I still love him.
Yeah, but it's just fucking coddling. Okay. Like it happened. So what? What's he going to do? Didn't even say he's coming. And he's like, no, he's not coming. He's like, he's not coming to the pool party.
He starts like a little temper tantrum. Craig, who needs the most coddling on this cast, is now complaining that Austin needs coddling. I mean, that's why he's so angry at Austin, too, because he's projecting, you know, he sees himself in Austin right now and he doesn't like it because Craig needs more coddling than anyone on this cast. So, yeah, this is just a classic projection.
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