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Chapter 1: What is the main topic of 'The Valley' Season 3, Episode 5?
Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?
Good. What's going on, baby?
Not much. Just, you know, getting through the week. We're already here at Thursday, which is fabulous. Did you guys hear?
cabaret is happening a crappens cabaret forbidden housewives is happening on june 3rd and june 5th and most of the tickets are already gone how about that so be sure to get it it's happening in new york city at green room 42. the ticketing link is on our website it's also on our social media come join us we're gonna have a lot of fun just singing and forgetting lyrics all night long we cannot wait
If ever you've wanted to see us do some face falling, this might be the time to do it. So come. Disaster possible. Very possible. But it'll be a fun disaster, even if it is a disaster. It's so fun. We've been working on it and cracking ourselves up, so... Come let us crack you up as well, guys. This is the Valley Day. If you want this on Vidya, you can get that at patreon.com.
It's also where you get ad-free listening, bonus episodes, and Discord server, and our free blog every week. Just go sign up for that. Makes fun of all the Bravo stuff all over again for you. And today is The Valley Season 3, Episode 5, Hive Mentality.
Yeah, Hive Mentality. You know, people have been pretty down on The Valley. They've been pretty down on it. Pretty, pretty down. And... you know, I watch it and I'm like, I don't think it's really that bad. I think it's actually perfectly fine. Like, is it, does it have the same urgency as it did last year? Maybe not, but I'm fully entertained all the way through. So, uh, yeah, I mean,
do i love that schwartz and lala are on it not really do i think they are improving it not really are they maybe bringing it down perhaps but i do think that the show is by and large still entertaining i'm still on board i just want to point that out and now especially since we you know next year fingers crossed dr dre comes in as michelle's boyfriend wow who saw that one coming
i know that is the most hilarious we needed that we needed that because um we need something light and frothy in the world of bravo gossip i think things are getting dark out there so no kidding you saw the thing about west's cousin i know killed their grandmother the day before the reunion that's i know that news broke while we were sitting here yapping away like i mean obviously one thing has nothing to like you know
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Chapter 2: How does Janet's apology tour affect her relationship with Zack?
Wouldn't think that he was like a hall pass. Like, I think like a hall pass is like, what's his face? Who plays Superman or like Chris Hemsworth or something like that? Like, I just, I'm not thinking like Dr. Dre, but you know, you know what I mean? Listen, like every building has a hall.
I like that. Every pot's got a lid and every building's got a hall, honey.
Which actually isn't even true. There are many buildings that have no halls.
Well, I like it. You're not really even considered a building without a hall. Get a hall. Hall-less buildings. God, pathetic.
It's like some bastardization of every pot has a lid, right? Every building has a hall. Yeah, I loved it. Halls of justice.
yeah oh uh that's happening so yeah hopefully something will happen you know the valley is not something i worry about too much i don't worry i don't stay at up nights like this show sucks i mean i do think it's been depressing as fuck this season it's always had that air about it though the valley is just something i just enjoy anyway i just like put it on and i don't worry about it i just sit here and let it let it wash over me and then wash it off when it when it's done
yeah um yeah i just always like to weigh in with unimportant opinions about no it's not important i just i just i just can't compete with an important opinion today because i don't have one my mind is still really just sort of stuck on sheena declaring that dr dre is her hall pass because i'm like wow even with your hall pass you're the you're the third wheel true bless your heart
All right. So here we go. Jesse is FaceTiming Lacey and he's wearing a wacky yellow feather hat. And he's like, is this my hat now? Are you going to pick it up? And then we see a picture of her wearing this hat. I'm guessing for some kind of like charity event where you have to wear costumes because she's an OC housewife. Right. Because why else would you have that?
And she's like, are you trolling me? I feel personally attacked.
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Chapter 3: What are the implications of the recent Bravo gossip?
It's like when Stacy on Potomac took her kid to walking class for like modeling. And it's like, I'll show you how to do it. And then she got up there and did it on camera. And that's what Michelle's doing. She's like, go off and dog to your Deidre, that big mag over there. And I will show my moves. And so she's doing cartwheels and roundoffs and stuff.
And then Nia is one of those cheerleaders who was like only in it for the like popularity and the free stickers.
because she didn't know how to do any of this she's like well i was a cheerleader and um like i don't know really what to do what was that that you just did a round off yeah that's what i could do that's what i yeah me too that's what i did no nia do one go ahead do one do one right now nia you liar you mid-tier pyramid lady we know you didn't even pyramid you were just there to step touch step touch do the little dances and date a quarterback
You couldn't even convince us that your arms were an alligator and that you were going to eat us up.
Burr, it's cold in here. There must be some... You forgot the rest of the lines? Why am I not surprised? Why am I not surprised? She's like, guys, I turned the heating on. Like, no, we're supposed to keep it cold. But the atmosphere...
um there must be some toros in the atmosphere so yeah uh michelle is a gymnast who knew who knew she is she's bouncing all over the place she's smiling bigger than we've ever seen her like she's in her true happy place at long last and because it is michelle we now get the sad story that goes with it and it's a real sad one which is that
basically her parents took her to gymnastics and they're like do you like this and she was four and she's like i like it so she started doing it she did it from when she was four to when she was 15 and she was on the olympic path it sounds like she basically is like i'm going to the olympics all she would think about were the olympics she sees mcdonald's and sees it as like
olympic podium like she doesn't even take in pop culture she sees the golden girls it's like those are my competitors olympics that's all she sees and then at 15 though her parents separate and she kind of like loses her will to keep going and i think that's like honestly so sad it's so sad to me it's like
like because you can kind of see she lives with this regret of if i had only just stayed with it i could have gone to the olympics but because things got messy in my family i i didn't and then on top of that the way her family sort of fell apart was also really sad her dad had mental illness and he was never diagnosed but it sounds like he he may have i'm not going to say what sounds like he has but but he had mental illness
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Chapter 4: How does Michelle's gymnastics background influence her character?
We are going to wax every nook and cranny of that. Oh my God. Do I get those? I love those so much.
No, you're not. No, this is a different type of Brazilian experience.
It's not a brazi bite. No, it is not. Well, I got it done before, but I was very pregnant. Whatever pregnant woman does, you know, what everyone does when they're about eight months, they go for a Brazilian.
Okay. So do you want, okay. So we're going to have like a landing strip.
She's like, take it all. Okay. Make me as bold as a biscuit. I don't think my butthole's hairy. I want to be as bold as a biscuit. Then Zach is getting tanned and she's like, you're going to love this. I love that. I love the building up from the tanning lady. You are going to love this. It's going to be amazing. And they're just like, can you contour it to make me look like I have muscles?
just like yes of course i'll just make it extra orange over here um so then uh uh so then brittany is now uh getting waxed and it is the sound design that they do is so crazy because i don't believe this is what we act what it actually sounds like but we don't see anything but they the sound kind of illustrates everything because it's like
they don't even do like a swift like it's like a like it's like a few terrors that we hear and you're like it's like stop it please it's like the rattle that they use you know whenever someone's being a snake and they're like someone did something bad and it cuts the la la's face It's like that. They do kind of show it. I mean, I'm surprised. I just wouldn't be able to do that stuff.
I can barely do it when there's not a camera there. But to just be like, okay, I'm going to be fully naked, you know, waist down for all of these camera people and the sugar lady or whatever, the wax lady who's like, all right, let's do it. And it's like your whole hoo-ha being stripped right there for TV. I'm like, where is the shame? Where is it?
Yeah.
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Chapter 5: What are the dynamics of the group at the game night?
You were in LA, you had a baby and that's where the baby, I mean, once you leave, you're still going to have to fly back and forth to LA. Just get used to it. And you're on TV. And like, what are you telling her? She can't do TV. Then don't be dating a TV person.
Exactly. Exactly. Or you know what? Like when the show is done shooting, spend a month or two in Colorado, like figure it out. It's not, it's not that hard. I'm sorry. It's not that hard for them. People with means and with privilege and they can do it. And I, I just like, I can't stand that here she is a new mother who is going through it and has an already enough on her mind and
That he has she has him, you know, whining on the side about how he misses being near a trout or, you know, some beanstalks or something like that. Like enough.
So there is no there are like no singing bass on anyone's living room walls here. I can't take it. So Brittany's like, you know, and it's not easy on relationships. I mean, whoever thinks having a baby is fixing things. What a bunch of suckers.
Am I right?
Flashback to Brittany two years ago.
Come on, Jax. I just want another baby. Come on. You can do it. Date night. Date night. Pregnate me tonight, Jax.
but i do feel like there's some elements from past trauma that have such shitty shitty exes like that sometimes like when you guys like get in a fight like you go for the jugular sometimes and like he's like not used to that and i think that's like making it hard that's why i like couples counseling or something so that way you guys can talk to professional and i don't have to come here and watch your waxy vagina and listen to you complain
You guys have to see a professional. I can give you the number of the person that I'm going to use after seeing your vaginas. Okay? Because that was dark. And Christian's like, my defense mechanism when it gets really bad is just leave then.
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Chapter 6: How does Zach's confrontation with Janet unfold?
Roll it again. Roll it again. I don't think they saw the skee-ball part. Show them the skee-ball part.
is it bad if I say, why don't you just invite them knowing they're not going to come, but at least you invited them. And Lala's like, yeah, all you're trying to do is like be cordial. You know, Janet's like, well, I think I should just like talk it over with Jason because like, maybe that is the right time to extend an Aldo branch. I just have to make sure Jason doesn't say the clown word.
Oh, I just said it. Sorry. Sorry guys.
So now Jesse and Isabella meet up – what is wrong with me? Jesse and Isabella meet up with Lacey at Backyard Bowls.
Yes.
Backyard Bowls, huh?
Backyard Bowls. They were right next door to a blue bottle. Why didn't they go in? Why didn't they go in? Such a better option. So –
it's right next by the way they were like a block away from the fabric store just want to say such a good fabric store um so they're in and uh basically uh jesse's like hey isabella do the phonics dance do the phonics dance for lacy do the dance lacy's like um i actually don't want you to force her to do anything for me because she's not a clown at the circus and she doesn't have to perform hey did someone shake clown that's just not right that's not right
That is bigotry, and I will not stand for it. The producer is like, yeah, everyone says you're the beta in this relationship, Jesse. He's like, yeah, the beta. She's certainly an alpha. She hates my storytelling. She's very to the point. Lacey's like, yeah, can I give you some unsolicited and failed parent criticism? Okay. She goes, oh, God, what? She should read Rich Dad, Poor Dad? What?
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Chapter 7: What is the significance of the pool party in this episode?
She's like, no, she's still going to hate you the same. It's like, Oh damn. Okay. Well, At least we can be normal about Isabella, you know? So, I don't know, they're talking about organizing toys and shit like that. And she's just basically writing his ass. She's like, you can't even throw stuff away. You're a hoarder, loser. Fucking loser holding onto kids' toys.
Can anybody believe I'm dating this idiot? Hey, Jesse, just wanted to give you something. It's like I'm psychic, so I just wanted to give you, yeah, it's an eviction notice. Because you're not going to live in my house.
And she's like, you know what? I am not a hoarder. I just have a casual doomsday bunker. And she's like, and by the way, my doomsday bunker, that's a private topic. Okay. I don't want people to know where it is. So she said. Yeah.
Cause he outs her for having this doomsday bunker. And she's like, don't do that because when it's the end of the world, everybody's going to come to my house. And she's like, so listen, this doomsday bunker is not on my property. So don't come to my house. It's somewhere else.
Yeah.
She says that during COVID her TikTok algorithm was all doomsday bunkery. And so one day she went down the rabbit hole of doomsday things and she's like, you know, acid tabs and a generator and all this stuff.
And she was like, well, I mean, I was like, I just need to buy all this stuff because like, what if I've been giving it like so much thought and then like doomsday comes and then I'm just like kicking myself that I didn't buy all this stuff.
Yeah.
so she has this shelter that's off the grid and she's like yeah i mean i don't think it's like nuke proof but it's like doomsday light so like zombie apocalypse proof which is funny because you know what last year someone told us someone emailed us they were like just so you know i know this girl and she's a flat earther and then i think actually we said it on the podcast and i think lacy herself i think emailed us lacy yeah i was like i'm not a flat earther
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Chapter 8: How do the characters navigate personal conflicts in this episode?
so um they're just gonna have a fun night to escape from everything and so uh they start playing this it's like not really family feud but it's sort of family feud it's just like questions and um brittany's like okay you guys know all the questions because i think janet might have something to answer it's not fire trading she's like what like what would i do like invite you here just to trample you she's like yes she's like i would do that yeah i would i would you know you gotta take a victory somewhere
Lala tells us, I'll be awful at all the subjects, especially the one that involved numbers. And they're like, okay, well, what subjects do you do well at? She's like, designer labels, Bravo shows.
If it's like housewives, I can answer everything. Everythings.
Yeah, she's probably studied the application many times. So Janet and Jason are first up. And it's like, okay, these questions. I'm like, I'm actually embarrassed for these people. Because Jared's like, okay, guys, here's the question. This has nothing to do with Family Feud. It's just a random question. Yellow and blue makes what color? What is this?
What is this remedial jeopardy that they're doing? This is terrible. Yellow and blue makes what color? I would like to ring in. The color is Mary Lou Redden. Stop. You can't answer that for every question, Michelle. I don't know anything beyond gymnastics.
And specifically Mary Lou Redden. I just watched her video games over and over again. Never really watched a bunch of other gymnastics. That's her only reference. Now, I like that they're coming up with questions off of Ziploc bag commercials, too. Because it's not even a real knowledge question. It's just like, these people have seen commercials, right? Yellow and blue makes.
And Jenna's like, green. Nailed it. I'm really good at this.
I'm really smart. I just got that.
Yeah, that's what I thought it was from. So Janet's like, oh, guys, sorry, my team. She beat me to it. It's my wife. Don't let Jason sit on the buzzer fighting Janet. He's always going to let Janet win. Jason's the biggest wuss on this show. Have somebody else do it.
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