Ep 203: Whitney Cummings
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No, hey, we might be drunk, we're here. The hot one, baby. Oh, yeah. She must work out. I'm trying to think of some lines from that scene.
We got no food. We got no money.
Our pet's heads are falling off. That meme was big with the Haitian cat hoopla. Ooh, that's good.
Haitian cat, that's your next whiskey.
Ooh, I like it. It had like a little kick to it. Yeah.
You got to like start to add.
You're right.
Strains. What do you call it? Strains? Spinoffs?
Yeah.
Strands. Strands. Strands is dark.
Yeah.
Bit off. When you have like Absolute had the regular and then they had the strawberry and the peach and the... Oh, yeah. It's another line. Lines.
Lines. A new line. Yes. You know Hulk Hogan was originally offered the George Foreman grill?
No. And he turned it down. Wow. He said, give it to that N-word. That's his big thing, the N-word. Did you guys see the Vince McMahon? Oh, I saw the first one, the first ep. It's so good.
I haven't seen it yet, but I love it when a meme is already huge before it's come out, when he's going...
Yes, yes.
Sorry, he's just like, what question was that in response to?
It's incredible. That wrestling world is just such a circus of like spray tans and steroids and drug addicts and pill heads. It's a wild time. The plastic surgery just on him alone is bananas.
The best part is that he gets basically me too'd and everyone's like, oh, he's finished. And he comes out this night to like, yeah, look at this. Is this the night?
This is how he walks out. It looks like he was just at a P. Diddy's freak-off.
Can you get the music, too? The music's the best part. Are we going to get... Oh, that's a good time.
Is that like a... The song is just called No Chance. Man, what a walk. He's walking like Meek Mill.
Bieber after Usher got custody of him.
By the way, it's just out there, I guess, now that Bieber got plowed by like 50 black guys, I guess. What did we think was happening? We were all hard on him. So were they.
Look, we've been through Me Too. It backfired. People won't hire women anymore. Great job, Amber Heard. Hello, you're here. And thank you. Well, people think I'm trans, so that's fine. No one thinks you're trans.
Really? Who said that?
I don't know. So, I've read it. So, I... And don't... I mean, let's, like, go with it. I want to get... I want to keep working. I want to get spots at the Cellar. Let's say I'm trans. But wait, what was I just about to say about that? Oh. Oh, Bieber. You know what? I... There's something, and I don't mean to laugh because it is sick. When a woman is hugged too long at a Christmas party, we shut down and have a parade and everyone has to wear the same hat. When a boy gets molested, no one cares.
Nobody cares.
100%.
That sounds like my purse when I walk down the street with all my pills. And that sounds like my uterus after I had a kid. So, I mean, what did we think was going on with Bieber?
Right.
First of all, why is anyone entertained by a 13-year-old at all? Like, I don't see a 13-year-old.
Some people think they're hot. That's true.
It's absolutely that.
Yeah, that's it.
It's all it is. Did you see the iCarly documentary, the Nickelodeon documentary?
Yes, yes.
When you're like, okay, are you telling me that there are casting sessions where 13-year-old girls go in and sing and dance? Yeah. Because on some level, you know they're hot. Yes. Or they're going to be hot. They're pretty hot.
Name one ugly Disney star or- Yeah, but no one's fucking a kid because they're going to be hot. They're not talent scouts. They're hot now. Yeah. They're into it now. They're not like, someday this is going to pay off.
It's not an investment. Yeah.
They're going like, this person's a star.
Okay, there's an uggo kid. That's one to Whitney.
You know, this is- Thank you. But not ugly to certain gay men. I mean, that is- That's true. You know what I mean? More pushing for the pushing. That's Josh Peck. Is he the one who got molested?
No, no one's touching that, Plumpy. There we go. Cheers, Whitney. Cheers. Hey, it's a 13-year-old.
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