Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Wed, 02 Apr 2025
Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Learn more about Lightstrike at https://Drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram @drinklightstrike. For their buy 1 get 1 50% off deal, head to https://3DayBlinds.com/YMH. A hole is a hole, partner! These are the famous words of the modern day Dirk Diggler, Mr. Tony Johns who drops in for this week's YMH! Before Tony calls in, Tom and Christine talk about their trip back from the UK, which included a visit to the Tower of London, where the kids were eager to see the torture devices. Tom also reveals he has evolved into a guy who shits on airplanes after turning 40 and then shares some stories about playing in Madison Square Garden, where Redman, Chrissy D, and Joey Diaz opened for him on an unforgettable night. They also talk CP’s desire for Bauhaus to open for her, Big Dad Energy, and shout out London’s food scene while criticizing Europe’s shitty public toilet situation. They then finally get to the opening clip featuring the phrase “Grippy Garfield”, which you'll have to watch and find out about on your own. They also discuss overweight flight attendants, the Baldwins being cringe once again, a schizo lady in a Canadian government conspiracy, the family cloth, and a hot chick farting for content. Oh, also “BREED” makes an appearance, and Tom is so excited to cover the latest Tony Johns drama, recalling all of his recent chaotic moments. Tony Johns next joins the show and talks about dealing with a bully coworker at Walmart, a scary landlord, and his OnlyFans ventures, including his film debut in the works featuring Alexis Fawx. Finally, Tom wraps the insane episode up by mocking a racist white lady’s wedding speech at an interracial marriage. Wooooo come on wit it! Your Mom’s House Ep. 804 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:52 - UK Trip, Big Dad Energy, & Plane Poopies 00:07:20 - Madison Square Garden 00:13:36 - European Public Toilets 00:15:57 - Opening Clip: Grippy Garfield 00:23:26 - Fat Flight Attendants 00:29:59 - Those Damn Baldwins 00:37:50 - Schizo Evelyn Montage 00:40:18 - Clip: Family Cloth 00:41:35 - Clip: Farting Baddie 00:44:20 - The Life & Times Of Tony Johns 01:01:32 - Tony Johns Sets The Record Straight 01:09:12 - More Wild & Crazy Stories 01:16:47 - Making Dreams Come True 01:21:33 - Clip: Cone To The Face 01:22:09 - Clip: Dumb Push-ups 01:22:38 - Clip: Well Done Ribs 01:23:12 - Cool Guy Collabs 01:24:56 - Shitty Wedding Speech 01:33:38 - Wrap Up 01:35:30 - Closing Song "I Got A DUI, Baby" by grasskingdoms & Fart Simpson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What happened during Tom and Christine's UK trip including airport delays?
What's everybody?
What's everybody?
Dude, this is a- Governor. Governor, I'm so excited.
Governor, I'm pumped. I'm ripped.
Man, I've been like just on pins and needles, just excited to come in here and do this show.
Me too, bro. So many things to go over. We've lived quite our lives in the last couple weeks.
weeks yes we got back from the uk okay my so much fun and then we got stuck in the uk for three additional days because of the heathrow fire yeah there's a fire at a power plant that supplies power to heathrow airport and they shut that shit down i don't know if you know that heathrow is not a small airport It's basically the hub of Europe. So it kind of fucked up about 800,000 people's day.
Like for real.
We were going to leave. The kids and I were going to leave that morning.
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Chapter 2: How did Tom's Madison Square Garden show go and who performed?
Usually what I do is when I come out of that restroom and you're facing everybody, I make eye contact and I see if they'll break because I go, I'm not going to break. So I look at them like, yeah, I know I just shit. You know it too. And I'll watch them go down.
Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. You badger them into submission. But I feel like that's the position you have to take if you're going to be so bold as to shit on a flight. Yeah.
Well, it's the thing is you can't manufacture the confidence. This is something that I've gotten to with age. Twenty five year old me couldn't have done that. Forty five year old me is like. You guys want to hear about some shit I just did? I just took a shit up here. You deal with it. It's your fucking problem.
It's your problem now. But that only comes with being a dad. I think you've really come into your dadhood. You were always meant to be a middle-aged dad because that was who you were at 23 when I met you.
Dad energy?
Big dad energy.
Yeah.
this is this is the fulfillment it's all this is perfect for you this is your time this is your stride yeah yeah feels good yeah i think i was meant to be like a 50 year old lady because i like that time feels good it does feel good because the the pressure's off the pressure's off i've done a lot already i'm not looking for dudes to date or talk to me you know because i've already got the dudes you got a dude you already got a dude
yeah as long as i stay thin enough i'm happy with stuff you know yeah i know exactly what you mean um well just also i should say big shout out to all the people in the uk and ireland that came out to the shows um thank you very much i had a great time doing the shows also big surprise but just got to be honest you got to be honest too many muslims in london That's not where I was going.
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Chapter 3: Why are European public toilets controversial according to Tom and Christine?
Our very own Chad came in here one day and goes, you know, I'm a big goofball, but I'm feeling rested because these blinds are blacking out my room and I can sleep well.
Oh, yeah. His whole life has changed because of 3 Day Blinds.
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um one thing before we leave the topic i just want to give a shout out to london yeah a number one food i don't know what happened to us a couple years back told you we got jacked yeah we went to bad places i don't know how that happened i just want to give a shout out to london your food crushed yeah however i will say i don't know what europe has against public toilets yeah it feels like they want you to eat the food but not shit anywhere yeah public
They're like, you take that dump home and you pee at home.
There's a lot of things I like more in Europe, but toilets is not one of them.
They just don't do public. And oh, you want to use our toilet? That's like five pounds. Yeah. You got five pounds on you and then you have to stand in line. I'm like, this is insanity. I don't like it either. So eventually I would pop into a pub. I learned what to do with the kid and with the kids. Oh, my kids have to pee. Or we just pee in the car.
You want to shit somewhere in public? You go to Tokyo. It's the number one toilet system on earth.
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Chapter 4: What is the story behind the 'Grippy Garfield' clip and its significance?
Yeah, I think I would. I think I would.
See, this is where you and I agree to disagree. I can't look past the externals. I can't look past the teeth. I can't look past the ceiling that's falling down.
Yeah, I would definitely, here's the thing. Is this one that I would
tell everyone about like you know if you was a single guy you tell your friend i might i might keep it secret you know i might not tell them hey i uh i fucked our uber driver um but but yeah i mean i'm so curious that her description is appealing so but here's the real question i always wonder is do you take her to your place do you go to her place yeah is that her place is the car her place it might be her place that's what i'm thinking
That has I live in here vibes.
Yeah.
Also, what is that? Like a stopwatch around her neck? What's going on?
It's a heart monitor.
Oh, okay.
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