Tony Johns
Appearances
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So now, Curly's out here. Hear me out. I got a whole bag here full of photos. You know, 20 bones, you know. Nice. Cachevemos. And the bartender here at Curly's, I, you know, tried to give her a photo as a donation. You know, just to be nice, you know, a local nice man here. Yeah. Curly's, Auburn, New York. And she said, oh, no, we don't do that here. I said, what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
She said, oh, no, we don't do that here. I said, it's a donation. It's a photo for a donation. It's a donation. It's for the bar. A donation. You know what I'm saying?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
She said, oh, no, you're 86 out there. Curlies, don't ever come back here again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
She said, oh, no, don't ever come back here again. You're 86. I said, yes, ma'am. Perfect. I'm going to walk out. I don't want no problems. I'm going to walk out. You'll never see me again in this bar. Adios, Curlies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
thanks cutie pie okay what's this one yeah i'm just uh just rolled out of bed literally i'm just uh waiting for the bus now just rolled out of bed fresh out of bed i gotta go grab me a few swigs and uh yeah i don't know i gotta get me uh gotta give me some laundry detergent i gotta give me a few a few loads done uh this afternoon so
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Nice kickback day today, but I do, you know, just want to say I appreciate the bartender. Currently, she did apologize last night. She called me. And, hey, no worries, sweetie. I appreciate, you know, your subscription. You know, I really, really do. I really, really do appreciate your subscription 100%. You know, you're an absolute sweetheart. You're an absolute, you know, tall glass of water.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So thank you, sweetie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Joe, Doc, I'm doing really good. Hey, bro, I got a whole bunch of donations. Yes, sir. And I'm walking back to my place here with the Little Caesars. A donation there? Yes, sir. It's a pretzel pizza and some Italian crazy bread. Nice. And, oh, yo, Tom, there's been a lot of craziness going on out here, brother.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Holy shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
So... um my uh landlord uh still don't have any keys to my building and my uh it's craziness brother and i asked my landlord and the the manager there uh scott chaplin james myers i asked him several times to give me keys they wouldn't give me no keys man and enough's enough i needed to get in my building it's raining out here it's snowing out here right snowing
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I ended up just having enough and just blowing down the whole door. Oh, shit. Enough's enough. Yes, sir. 35 Market Street. Enough's enough. I blew down the whole fucker and it's still a Monday, I believe.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yes, sir. I was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, yes, sir. Yep. So I go to court with these crazy guys on the 15th. And yes, sir.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I'm an honest man. I'm a straight shooter. See, like right now, Tom, I'm literally walking inside. You can walk in when you want to and you can leave when you want to. There ain't no locks no more because I ain't got no keys, brother. So you can come in when you want and you can leave. See, watch. See, I'm in the building now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
No, I can pay. It's just these guys have been treating me like garbage, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
i'm a good dude i was assaulted by both of these crazy men i was yeah that's insane yeah that's yeah no that's what i'm saying dude so that's why i'm not like paying rent dude because dude there's there's been the feces left on my door i don't know like dog poo or chocolate or some craziness and i just passed out and i had enough and i said no no enough's enough you know and then i was assaulted and
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, yes, sir. To be honest, Tom, I'll be all right, man. You know what? They always keep the lights on at the Motel 6, sir. That's true. What about getting out of Auburn?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Man, I like it out here, man. You know, it's a struggle and I'm trying my hardest, Tom. I like it out here, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, I really do like the photos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, yes, sir. So you can either shoot me a buzz, text me, call me, Instagram DM, Facebook DM. Yes, sir. I got them 20 a pop, sir. They're Tom. Cash App Vemo. And yeah, call me, text me. I'm here for you. You want a photo donation? You got it. Yes, sir.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yes, sir, yep, yep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, yes, sir, and I'm loving it, brother. Like, seriously, man, it's, dude, like, it's, yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
That's awesome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You know, there was a cutie, you know, tall brunette, a bartender.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
And what I ended up doing there, Tom and Christina, I ended up pinning my photo on the back there on the back wall. And it was me with a bandana and a hat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
You know, because I have to keep my head warm. You know, it's wintertime.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
But I just pinned a photo on the back there because there was a back there where it said, like, looking for like people pin up their stuff, like for work and, you know, like, you know, if they need laborers or whatnot, you know, there's, there's just a, you know, boarding pin stuff up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
And, uh, I ended up pinning, pinning it up on the board, going to the bathroom and coming back to watch the Florida game. It was an amazing game, Florida.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Um, and yeah, I, um, She took it like really, really offensive. She was like, no, we don't promote OnlyFans. And I'm sitting back here like, whoa, what are you talking about? And I was trying to be honest like, hey, that's a donation. For your bar. My name's Tony Michael Johns. I don't know if you know me, you know, but I'm a good dude. I'm just I'm trying to get my name out here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I'm trying to, you know, do comedy skits. I'm trying to do you know, I'm just trying to make an honest dollar lady. Like I'm giving this photo and I signed my name on it. And for a donation. And she said, oh, no. She said, oh, no, you're 86. And I said, whoa, what's going on? She's like, get out. And I said, yes, ma'am. I ended up just walking. I said, hey.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
And then, you know, a few hours later, I was at another local pub there. AT Wally's, you know, just kicking back, relaxing, because I was in shock. I was like, yo, I just gave this lady a free $20, you know, donation photo there. And she... she 86 me out the bar. I'm like, yo, I was just watching, you know, it's craziness. That's terrible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yes, sir. Yep. Yep. So a few hours later I was at, uh, AT Wally's and, uh, she ended up calling me and, um, And, you know, she probably did a research on me then, like looked me up and whatnot. She really did. She was like, hey, I'm very, very sorry. Tony Michael Jones, you know, called me ladies, man. And she said, oh, yeah. She was like, yo, I you you know, you're not 86 anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
I really appreciate you, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
um just because i i try to do my best you know just uh you know with you know i just i don't know like i didn't want i wasn't trying to offend anybody and it's like you know like super nice lady you know she said hey you can come back anytime you know uh grab a soda you know it's what i usually get when i go to these bars i party sober now tom sure um yes sir yeah are you doing cameos now
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yes, ma'am. Yes, Christina. Yes. Oh, yes, ma'am. I'm loving those, too. That's great. How much is Cameo? So I got them $18 a pop, but I like giving discounts. They're like $10 right now, $10. That's great.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yes, sir. I am 100% game. Strip me down, take my boots, and do it. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Oh, yes, please. Yo, this is amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Yes, please. Yes, sir. Thank you for the buzz, Tom. Thanks for the call.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806
Bye, guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
They got all this trauma. Yeah. Let me tell you how men fuck up. They get married, they move in with a bitch. Yeah. These hoes brainwash you into thinking that the only way you really gonna get married treated right by them is if you run some paper.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
If you give them what the fuck they want, you pay for their nails or pay for their rent or keep a roof over their head or pay their car note, take care of their kids, whether they're yours or not. Think about the logic of this shit, bro. Most of these hoes ran through, they're overweight, they're not toned, they're coochy, no walls, no bottom. They got all this trauma in their life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
They got all these fucking exes. They got high body count. Listen to me. They lazy. They selfish. They vain. They narcissist. They psychopath. They sociopath. They play the victim. They whine and cry.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Yeah. They moody. Going on their cycle. Coming off their cycle. Going through menopause. They all the same. Young all the way to old. I told my motherfucking wife, she tripping in this, that, and the other. And I was like, so whatever you go, whatever you do, motherfuckers don't expect you to pull your motherfucking weight. Dead ass. A real nigga is?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Wife. I can't speak for all them pussies and lames and corneys and goofies and green as fuck motherfuckers that bait a male. I can't speak for them.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'm talking about a real nigga. Don't expect you to pull your own motherfucking weight, twat. That shit is not worth that shit. That shit is worth investing into to hit it, hit it when you want it, hit it how you want it, hit it as long as you want it and tell that bitch to leave. And then when she leave, when you want her to fucking leave.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Now that's worth investing money into all that other shit. This is spooky.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
On my way to the hospital, get checked out just to make sure everything's okay. You know, smart thing to do. I'm standing, I'm walking, and everything's going good. These guys are taking real good care of me. I'm in the ambulance now. You know, just making sure everything's okay and hopefully everything will be okay. We'll be standing and walking just fine. Just making sure everything's okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
My foot was cut, too. You guys can check it out. I'm just getting everything checked out, you know, just so my foot don't get infected. You know, just making sure everything's okay. It's standard walking, just fine. Hopefully everything will be okay. Tony Michael Jones here, ladies and gentlemen. Worker. Worker.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
For safety.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Craziness. It is what it is, you know. So, on my way to hospital.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
We saw that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So it's pretty crazy. The cop on Sunday morning told me that if I wanted to, you know, and I need to get in the building, and the owner, you know, cannot give me keys, and the landlord cannot give me keys, that I can, you know, break into the building. Yeah, you know, I got to get into my building, you know. I got a candle burning. I got to do what I got to do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
There's a door. Nobody's letting me in. There's a sledge off to the side. I'm going to now be entering the building. I'm not a violent dude. I just have to get my items. It's a bad charge. So I blew out the candle. Yes, candle was burning. Worker.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Tony, you're getting arrested? Dude, that's fucked up. Damn, Tony. Dude, that's fucked up. Yo, free Tony, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Shit. That's fucked up. Yo, you still owe me an autograph, man. Yeah, dog. Where, out there? Oh, shit, you got me?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I'm from New York, just got arrested an hour ago, and this is why I love New York. I got arrested an hour ago, and I'm now released. And why I got arrested was because I ended up blowing down my landlord's door, the building door, just because he wouldn't let me in. He wouldn't give me any keys. So I got arrested an hour ago, and I'm back in the bar. I'm a free man. We out here in New York, baby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Bell Reform. Back on the streets an hour later. There we go, watching the game. Florida. Florida, baby. Come on. Let's go. Worker.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
So here's, here's what's going on. My name is Jason Vukovich, and for those of you that are new to this channel or don't know me, I was sentenced to 23 years in prison for tracking down and assaulting men that had crimes against children. And since that day, I've been known as the Alaskan Avenger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And now my life has been given purpose by uplifting young ones and helping families whose children have been assaulted.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
I got to tell you, it feels pretty good to get up in the morning and not be in prison anymore. Now, when me and the boys were doing time, we used to think to ourselves, man, it would be dope if Alaska did conjugal visits, wouldn't it? I'd have my girl come right now. But there's a lot of dudes you do time with that shouldn't be around any girl at all, much less an older woman.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And then, hmm, wait a minute. What? Now, let me break this down for you. I think I'm going to need to put on my shades. Now God bless this sweet woman, but this is David Brinson, who was doing multiple life sentences with no chance of parole, plus 20 years, because he's a mass murderer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And when you live like this for the rest of your life, let me tell you what you tell a woman that's giving you some attention. Anything you can to get her to come in for the conjugal visit. And from the heart, God bless this sweet woman who has now passed away, but check it out. Ladies, don't go do conjugal visits with mass murderers inside penitentiaries, because you know why?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
They might do things like strangle you, cut you up into little pieces. They might even cut your scalp off and try to put it on and escape out of the prison.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
And you know what? For sure, rest in peace to that poor lady who went to see the mass murderer and got strangled. Damn, how come I couldn't get a conjugal visit when I was down? I guarantee she would have left sticky and confused and very happy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Oh shit. Is this 618 in the morning? It's Monday morning, I gotta go to work. Oh my god, is it Monday morning already? We're going to do this again. And this might seem basic to you, but if you're out there, even if you got one of these, always brush your teeth.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Makes you look good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Help you out in job interviews. Now, even though I'm just a tatted up middle-aged guy, I do care about style. So which one do you think goes better with sawdust? This one or this one? Yeah, you're totally right. I'm going to go with this one. Now, tell the truth. Is it weird that I vacuum my room before I go to work? I like it clean when I come home.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Don't feel bad about lying to these hoes. I always lie to them. Right off rip. Shit. I'm broke. So soon as before they start the shit, I'm broke. I'm unemployed. Now, let's start right there. We can build on that shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Don't feel bad about lying to these hoes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
While y'all being sweet to a bitch and all kind and nice and trying to figure out his shit. Y'all trying to tell her what you think she want to hear. I tell that bitch what she don't want to hear. Oh, you are fucking replaceable. Replaceable than a motherfucker because I'm fucking him, bitch. What's going on with you? You're replaceable. Yeah. You're not special. You're not unique.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
You can't count on me. I'm not reliable. You can't depend on me and I can't count on you and you're not reliable and I can't depend on you. I'm broke.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Stop playing with me. Real shit. Real nigga shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Y'all going about it wrong. Y'all being nice to the bitch. But what really get her going and get her juices flowing is you being hard on the bitch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805
Tell that bitch you don't give two shits about no hoe. I don't give a fuck about no bitch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
How's it going, everybody? So there was a little situation here at Walmart. A co-worker...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
has now threatened me with my life. A coworker has now told me that he is going to snap my fucking neck. I am very, very scared right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I don't know what's going to happen. But a coworker has now threatened me with my life, saying that he is going to snap my neck. I'm very, very nervous, very, very scared for my safety. I don't know. It's very, very scary. And this is a big boy. This is a big man. So one of the things about Tony John's, I like Tony John's a lot. Yes, of course.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
So me and a couple of coworkers got into a little scuffle at Walmart, nighttime stocking crew.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
My one coworker was making fun of me because of my past. I used to be really poor. So I ended up blowing up and blowing off on him and making fun of him because his wife ended up cheating on him with a pastor. Both these clowns ended up taking off.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
run into the manager and ended up crying and complaining to the manager and i was escorted out i don't know if that whole story adds up yeah what's going on scott i just got home dude this is landlord i've been looking for a job keep going i just got home what's your problem i don't care about you at all what's your problem partner i hate you Why do you hate me, boss?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Okay, I make money fucking women on OnlyFans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, sir.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Okay? No, sir. I'm a ladies' man. I'm a performer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I'll be up all night doing solo videos. Yes, sir. Yep, yep. You got it, partner. I'll be up all night doing solos, baby.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, sir. Have a good night, partner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Have a good night. Perfect. He's very tan in this one. I don't see. And I've just been like putting together his obsession with being a worker because he also walked into multiple car dealerships.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
You're fired, bud.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Where's the other screw? I don't know. What'd you do with the screws? Right down there, probably.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Scott. Working. Working. Working. Working. Working.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Working. That's fine with me, partner. That's totally cool with me. I've been homeless before. I'm not scared. I'm a big boy. I got my big boy pants on. Let's go. Woo! Let's go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I will leave. I'm going to walk out. I'm just wondering why I've done nothing wrong. This is craziness.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I'm going to leave right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That's my letter. This is craziness. Seriously. This is crazy. This is wild. This is crazy. I'm a very good man. I've done nothing wrong. Seriously. You can just follow us. Craziness. Yes, ma'am. I'll follow you guys right now. I'm going to go. They're going to walk me out the building. Yes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
What's going on, Scott? What's going on there, partner? No, no, what's going on, boss? Yo, you're the one who, I just got home. What you doing, boss?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
100%.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
100%. Look at this guy. Look at this crazy man. He's lost his mind. Off his meds. Office meds, total craziness. We don't have to wait.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Have a good night, sweetheart. Have a good night. Yes, sweetie, have a good night.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I would do some crazy stuff. Gay for pain.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Hey, partners, let's be straight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
A hole's a hole. But see, there's always a price tag on something, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Ladies, man, here, I'm just letting everybody know. Hey, man, money talks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yo, oh, yo, yo, yo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yo, dude, it's, yo, dog, is this fucking Tom?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Woo. Tony. Yo, yo, no, no, no, you guys, yo, no, no. Like, I'm like spazzing out right now because, yo, dude, check me out. No, no, ever since I got back from Texas, no, hear me out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
My life was legit changed 100% because of you crazy guys. Now, I love you guys, man. Yo, Tom. Yeah, man. If I ever get back down to Texas, partner, I want to suck your big toe. Is that okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, sir. Dog, dude, you cannot do it. Everywhere I go out here in New York, all through upstate, everywhere, dog. Like, dude, cute girls are checking me out, dog.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, sir. So, Tom, check me out, dude. It's a wild story. So, a girl, you know, she was a co-worker at Lowe's. And I know it's not right, brother, but, you know, beautiful girl. She, you know, we had some fun on Christmas, and that was the last time I ever saw her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I was taking some explicit photos, sir. Mm-hmm. And I posted them on Instagram, and it was, I think, yeah, it was, I don't know, dude, it was some explicit photos and fucking... Yeah, dude, it's just fucking craziness, brother. Wait, what were the photos, Tony?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, no, of me, of me, 100% of me. I had, you know, her thong in my mouth. Oh, so you had her thong in your mouth. That makes sense.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I don't know. I don't know. It's kind of wild, to be honest with you. Yeah, it's kind of wild.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, 100%. Yes, sir. Dude, to be honest with you, dude, I don't know, man. Like, I was just in the moment. In the moment.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, well, because, dude, I tagged the OnlyFans dog because I've been trying to promote my OnlyFans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, sir. But yeah, dude, to be honest, it was really, really weird photo. But, you know, I was just trying to make promotions on my OnlyFans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, what are they seeing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, I'm loving the OnlyFans. You guys do like I'm getting I'm getting my bills paid because, you know, because of adult content.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Worker. We got people yelling out here on the driving, Tom. People yelling worker. Worker. I made it 100% because of you guys.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
He had some, yo, yo, Tom, some, some crazy ladies yelling out the window worker. Did you hear that? Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. That's craziness. Yo, this is what I'm saying, dude. Like dog, I, this is crazy. It's all just craziness and I'm loving every minute of it, brother.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, 100 percent. It's all 18 plus. Yes, sir. Tight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, sir. 100 percent. Dropping loads.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, yeah, so... I, um... I didn't read through the contract, the whole contract when I signed the thing. That is another crazy story out here, Tom. Oh, geez, partner. So, dude, I didn't read through the whole paperwork. And there's no allowed, like, photos taken. So I was taking a few, you know, a few shirts, you know, a few photos of my tank top.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And, you know, on the massage chair, you know, trying to relax, you know. Yeah. And, you know, there was also a... I was in closed doors, to be honest, Tom. I took a little OnlyFans video in one of the red light therapy rooms there. So they took it offensive and they said, hey, we don't want your business no more.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I was all confused. Dude, I even did a live, Tom. I was like, I went in there because I was all shocked. I was like, whoa, what's going on here, guys? You know, like... Judge for his own, you know what I'm saying? Like, why am I getting judged for doing, you know, making films in the tannin rooms, you know?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
See, that's another thing, too. See my landlord. Oh, Scott. Yeah, him and James Chappell. These guys are nuts.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
100% fucking total slum. Can I swear right now, Tom?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
God, holy fuck. So, yeah, these guys fucking hate me because I'm doing some adult content up in my room.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, no, no, hell no. I'm not a walking ATM. Tom's like, yo, hear me out. Yeah, what the fuck? I paid rent. I paid rent.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
The whole time I've lived there. That's how it works. And both of these crazy slumlords spazzed out on me a few weeks ago. Totally spazzed out. I got it all on film. It's all on Instagram. Check it out. These guys are fucking scumbags. So, yo, Tom, fucking...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
still here dude and i've been all spooked up all shaken up and lately and they just spazzed out where does it stand where does it we don't we don't we don't promote only fans here i said hey you yeah you know that i i i love no hear me out i love doing i love doing adult content you know i love showing off for the ladies yeah you know i'm a worker
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, yeah, 100%. I got a jailhouse lawyer. Oh, yeah, 100%, Tom. And I'm squatting right now, I'll be honest with you, man. I try to be as honest as I can. Yo, Tom, can I tell you another crazy story, bro? Please. Dude, so when I got back from Texas, dog, fucking everything's just been so wild and crazy. Because it's a small town, you know. There's like 28,000 people in Auburn, maybe 30.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I think it was like 28,000. But it's the craziest fucking thing ever, dude. I was hopping on the bus, dude, because I usually take the bus or I usually go for walks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And the girl, you know, there was my... You know that blonde girl I was telling you about several months ago, dude? A co-worker at Lowe's? Yeah, sure. Dog, dude, I love that girl so fucking much, Tom. To a point to where, dude, I would have done anything for this chick. And, dog, fucking, dude, I saw her on the bus, man. And, dude, I haven't seen this chick since fucking... Since Christmas, dog.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
That was my Christmas present. I got, you know, I got lucky. But anyways... Dude, I haven't seen this chick since fucking Christmas, dog, and she was on the bus. You wouldn't believe what happened, partner. I hop on the bus. I'm like, oh, well, there she is. Dude, she threatened to spray my ass.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, yes, sir. I couldn't believe it. I said, whoa, what's going on, babe? She said, oh, fuck no. I ain't your babe, partner. It was nuts, dog. She threatened to spray me. Took out the can of mace and everything, dog.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Dude, I'm like, what the fuck's going on? Like, I really fucking liked her, dude. I'm like, what the fuck?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah, I'm looking on Craigslist and other places right now, but right now I... I don't know, it's up in the air. It may be a week, it may be a month. I don't know, I'm just trying to figure it out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Um, so I like my lotion, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And I mean, it might have looked bad for the for the for the worker, the lady workers perspective. But I know, dude, I was in a rush, Tom, to catch the bus to go back home. And I don't know, dude, there was quite a bit of lotion all over my body, man. And yeah. So I did make a mistake there. I did kind of trash the room before I left. That's not good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, yes. So what I did is I actually went down there and I actually did apologize, Tom. Good, good. I'm a sincere dude. I said, hey, I made a mistake. Yes, ma'am. It was one of the lady workers. I'm very respectful towards women. I said, Hey, you know, I made a mistake, you know, and I asked him nicely, can I get my membership back?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
They said, no, but we, you know, we appreciate, you know, we appreciate your honesty, you know, and just saying, sorry. So that's what I did.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Ah, no, no, no. I wish, man. I don't have a license yet, Tom. So I, man, I would love to get back in the selling car industry because I am a really good salesman. I think I would. I believe it, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Meeting new customers. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Hey, you know, if there's a big performer out there that's willing to, you know, put me out, you know, I'd love to, you know, like straight up, like blow my back out. You know, I mean, if the money's good, hey, I'm gay for pay. A hole's a hole, partner. That's awesome. I think what you should do. You know, I need some cash and a hole's a hole.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, 100 percent. I'm ready. Let's go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
And we actually know one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Oh, nice. Fuck. Yeah. No, for real. I'm like, let's go. Let's do this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
I think so.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yes, sir. Thanks, Tom. I really appreciate you guys always looking out for me. Trying.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Yeah. Dude, fuck, man. Yo, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Perfect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
Let's go. yeah i'll grab a couple's uh suitcases and let's go i think you should yes ma'am yeah i think it's time to leave fired up man like straight up tom like this is amazing christina like life changing what you guys have done for me listen it's time to leave auburn i think you're right it's time to change and level up you're ready oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm a worker
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804
No, I won't. Yes, I will stay out of trouble, and I will not get arrested. Thank you for everything. That's Tom Christina. This really has been life-changing. Cougar, Josh, I love you all, man. I'll suck all your toes. There you go. There you go.