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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Good from you, actually. I've always wanted to try to break out of a prison. No. I've always wanted to try to outrun the police, too. How would you go? Are you chiselling away at the wall with a toothbrush? No, I'd hide in the laundry truck. Yeah. And then they'd get to the laundry factory and I'd end up in a big commercial washer and drown.
No, while you're in the truck, you've got to tuck and roll out. You'll get a couple of gravel rashes, but it's worth it because now you're a free man. Just jump out on the motorway. Just jump out on the motorway, you'll be all right. Tuck and roll. Well, no, this is the opposite. So they are giving you the chance in an active prison A working prison. A working prison to feel the jail experience.
Now, I will say this is in a separate part, so you're not like in the main cell blocks. Oh, damn. And for 2,000 rupee, which I looked up. It's nothing. It's nothing. That's 35 New Zealand dollars. You can stay for 24 hours. It's got to be cheaper than accommodation. Yeah. Yeah. Well, in India, you can get some absolute. Can you? Oh, shacks. I've not been. Oh, yeah, it's great.
You've been what shacks? You can get the cheapest accommodation in India. Oh, right. You can get nice stuff, too. And even like a nice hostel would be cheaper than that.
Would be cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So for half that price, half the hours. So you could just do 12 hours. Just do like a night. Oh, no, I want to do... But I want to be... I want to hear the kerfuffle of the prison. So I don't know if you're in a separate area, but it's very like an old school, where you're staying is almost, I'd say, an older part of the prison.
Older part, yeah, because there's black bars and concrete walls and a tiny, hard-looking single bed and a silver toilet.
Yeah.
in the room but you'd imagine it's great for social media like if you're an influencer hey guys get ready with me to spend a day in prison in india yeah i totally do this if we could share a cell online if yeah just with a group of friends yep i'd do it if we could share a cell how many how many to a cell one the steel toilet the steel toilet oh you get a pot of drinking water a pot
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Chapter 2: What are the experiences shared about staying in a prison?
Yep. Oh, darling. From India as well. I like my drinking vessels to have a lid. Oh, is it a pump? You know what I mean?
Is it filtered mineral water?
No, no, it's not. No, it's not. I've lost the passion. Because getting dally-bally while locked up in prison with a steel toilet next to your bed. I was going to say three of us want a steel toilet. Don't look at me. It was embarrassing enough when I thought you were going to hit me through the wall in the Bali villa. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I was making the same sounds in my room.
How come I didn't get barley deli?
I don't know.
We're weak. You're just weak. You prioritise gut health. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Whereas I prioritise making my gut wish it didn't exist. Yeah. Making my gut be like, you alright? Now, um, death. It is inevitable. Death and taxes, right? Yeah, unavoidable.
That's what they say.
Unavoidable, it's happening to all of us. I am closer to it than when I started talking. Grim. That was grim. Have you guys read about the, oh, we've talked about this, I think, the 4,000 weeks book? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen it graphically represented. Oh, man. It's intense. Remind me. On average, you get 4,000 weeks in your life.
And then I found myself at the top of this year kind of wishing a lot of it to speed up. I've just got to get through. Yeah, because you want your holidays. Yeah, I've just got to get to this. I've just got to get to the end of this stuff. I just need to get to the weekend. And you're like, you're just throwing them away. You only get 4,000 of them. You can carpe diem.
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Chapter 3: What are the best ways to comfort someone at a funeral?
And it's okay that you're not okay. And then here's the other one that someone said, let me know if there's anything I can do. Because now I've put a burden on you. Bring them back. Yeah, I don't know, bring them back. Cure what killed them. But by saying, you know, let me know if there's anything I can do, you're actually, that's a very passive offer. Just do something for them.
Just cook for them. Just turn up. Just lighten the load. Come over and clean or whatever. Don't be like, hey, text me because now I've got a job to do and my loved one's died. Yeah. Better alternatives. I'm so sorry for your loss. They touched a lot of lives, including mine. I feel very lucky to have known them. My heart goes out to you and your family. Lovely to see you.
I wish it was under better circumstances. No minimising. Or just be like, suck. Yeah, those are good. Yeah, yeah. Man, what a suck. What a suck-sitch. What a suck-sitch. Do you know why we keep it casual? Keep it light. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, mate. Oh, man.
Guts. Suck-sitch, bro. What an L. Yeah, guts. Nan took an L. Is that a Gen Z thing?
Is that a Gen Alpha? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Took the loss, yeah.
Man.
Girl, you've got to enjoy them while they're here because neck minute, they're gone. Oh, I don't know if we're doing that one. Well, that's just, I'm keeping it light. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Chapter 4: How long do people wait before going to the doctor?
Is he? He's a good man. Decent as the day is long. We love a decent guy. We love a decent fellow. We love them. Today's top six is dealing with not the top six endearing qualities of Jeff Stagg. But didn't we say happy birthday, host? It's the top six goot products to save the day financially for Gwyneth Paltrow. What are you looking at there? That's a page of dildos.
So, I'm on the Goop website. I didn't even go to the Goop website to check what they had, so you'll have to tell me anything I've made up. There's a lot of crap on here. There's a lot of crap on here. A lot of toys. I would say a lot of toys, which we love. Very good for the female sexual health, but they're a knockoff, man. Tell me that's not the Satisfyer Pro.
Yeah, the Womanizer is just the Satisfyer Pro 2. Everyone's got a version of it. Weighted wrist bangles. There's body balance magnets.
Okay.
I mean, there's some alright, there's some good stuff on here, but there's a lot of rubbish. Well, I've just made up six things. Okay. Well, I've been scrolling the website, so if they exist, I'll tell you. Okay, okay. But over the years, she's been very famous for selling some bizarre crap. And a lot of this you could just get on Timu, to be honest.
And a lot of it not very well-researched for its actual scientific benefits. Yeah. But if it makes you feel good... So they're, what, laying off staff because they're just, what, having trouble selling stuff? Yeah, yeah, they're just... Cozy Livvy Crybabes. Just one of those classic things. Yeah, when times get tough, people can't afford $15,000 lamps that look like bread. Yeah.
Top six goop products to save the day. Number six on the list, a beeswax and human airwax candle with a horsehair wick. Oh, yuck. No, it's ethically sourced human airwax, Hayley. I know you only said, oh, yuck, because you were worried about humans being sort of enslaved. But they're free-range humans donating their airwax. I'm very dry in the air.
Are you?
I wouldn't be able to donate. I've got a gooey air. Yeah, I don't, and I'm jealous because I would love the feeling of getting a bit of goop out. There's got to be some sort of evolutionary reason I've got a wet air and you've got a dry. Our people perhaps come from very different climates. But we're both from Scotland. I know. Who knows?
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Chapter 5: What happens after a bag of kiwi fruit rips?
That's our finder's fee. That's the finder's fee. We want to have a chat. She doesn't do interviews. We said it, and then we asked the boss if that was okay, and he said too late. I asked whereabouts this is going down. I'm waiting for a reply, but yeah, apparently just across the road from somebody's house. Eyes is is. Appealeded. Eyes appealed. For Queen Coolidge.
I would like to apologise to the humble patrons of Westgate Pack and Save. What did you do? For my language yesterday afternoon.
Chapter 6: How does a simple shopping trip lead to a breakdown?
Oh, okay, yeah. You have a lot of minty beads. It's been a week. Yeah. I'll say divorce ain't for the week, and it has been a week, and sleep is important. Those are my lessons today, children. He laughs maniacally. If you're not laughing, you're crying. So I went around the supermarket. A woman even said to me in the supermarket, are you okay? And I said, yes, why is that?
And she's like, you look frazzled. Yeah, you look like you're about to go. And I was like, astute observation. Enjoy your shopping. Is this after or before your words? No, before.
Oh, wow.
So then I actually came right a little bit because my pack and save's got this ramp, and I always take my feet off the ground at the top and ride the trolley all the way down. I'm actually really good at it. I've had lots of compliments because I can get all the way to my car without stopping as long as there's not too many people.
Chapter 7: What insights does Pax Asadi share about his book?
You've got good technique. There's a sign that says it's exactly what's not to do, but people love when I get to the hairpin turn and I put one foot down and, like, drag the whole trolley around. Wow. We got back and saved Tokyo Drift. It's like ballet. A man once said to me, it's like watching the ballet. And I said, thank you, sir.
But yesterday, I had a really good run, and that kind of lifted my spirits temporarily. I got to the car, and I picked up the paper bag that was, I would say I overfilled it with kiwi fruit. But kiwi fruit were cheap, and it's a good season for kiwi fruit. Yeah, it is. Also got a whole bunch of mandarins. How good are mandarins at the moment?
Yes, good mandarins at the moment.
Mandarins. I picked up the brown paper bag full of mandarins.
Chapter 8: How does Netflix's new ad-supported plan impact viewers?
No probs. Into the shopping bag. Picked up the bag of kiwi fruit and the bag just ripped and the kiwi fruit went... They didn't fall on the ground. They just fell back into the trolley. But that was it. It was enough to set you off. That was it. And I screamed the F word. In Peckinside? Into the trolley. Not to yourself. Well, it was... Internal scream? No, external.
Very much an external F word scream. Into the trolley. And people looked and I was like... And there was just like grunt throwing things from the trolley into the back. Got in the car, almost slammed the door so hard it went out the other side of the car. Got in, screamed again, and then just had a cry before I left the car park. Oh, Vornie. Do you know what, though? Sometimes. It was needed.
It's cathartic.
It was needed.
And it's like, we just got to release that plug. Yeah. Crying's good. Yeah. Crying's good. It was a good cry. got to get it out, got to get it out. But that was the, and I know it's, I mean, every time, you could say, I know it's a hard time of the year. Every time of the year is a hard time of the year for somebody.
Yeah.
I just wanted to know what was it? What was that final straw? Because it really was no big deal. The bag ripped, the kiwi fruit came out, I picked them up. But it was the final straw. It wasn't about the kiwi fruit. Mine's like, I'm having a bad day or maybe I'm pre-menstrual and if I catch a knee or a hip on a corner of a cabinet. Or a, Or a shirt on a door handle.
And you're walking, you go, pill. And then the door goes, thong, into the back end. I'd spin around and I'd just be like, bah! Punch the door. Not today, door! It's so funny how immediately your fist is up to punch the jib and you're like, what are you doing? Hoo-ha, hoo-ha. Yeah, I feel like we're going to hear a lot from new parents. Yeah. Premenstrual women. It's asleep. The divorce.
Deprivation. Them, she, them, hers, him. Wow. When they open up the marriage to everybody, everybody, even the gays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the gays can get divorced now. Yeah. That's equality. That's equality. Yeah, we fought for that. Yeah. Yeah. But it's always something small and it's never about the phone. No, it's never about that.
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