Adrian Kaler
speaker
107 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Dec 2024
Adrian Kaler’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsNo recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.
Appearances
Like all that's going to be happening at the same time, just because we have so much RAM available in our brains, right? So we need to put language on that context and, And clarify where I'm coming from in the point of the conversation because we're going to get lost in the content and we're going to lose the context. Does that make sense?
So there's lots of ways to have it, but you've got to be willing to have it poorly in order to have it well.
That's what we all want.
Yeah. Man, I love your questions.
Sure. Yeah. There's like a couple of main things that come to mind. personally, and then kind of scientifically. And I'm a grace guy, just background for people listening. I was a pastor for several years. I'm a nerd ball. I have a master's in theology. I was just in this conversation in my kitchen with my son, my 10-year-old son.
cause I also have a very storied past, you know, I've got, could rip the paint off these walls with my scandals and my, you know, over drinking and my first marriage and my womanizing and, um, very unfaithful, uh, to my first wife and just a mess. Right. I was doing what a person that's a mess does to deal with the mess internally. Right. So I needed grace. So I'm not like a got it together guy.
I'm not a got it together coach. And let me tell you the five things because I figured it out. Yes. I do have some pretty helpful ideas that have been helpful to me. You're in good company, my friend. You're in good company. Right on.
Anyway, so all that to say, I don't have any shame about that. I feel the potential, whatever, those even saying all that. But it's also I've forgiven myself, right? But as I'm talking to my kids, I walk through this with them because I want them to understand why mom and dad are together anymore. And it's not just all me either, of course.
Um, but I also am never going to throw their mom under the bus, uh, ever, uh, as a commitment. And so anyway, just in the kitchen with my son, I was just saying, Hey man, we're all, we all tell the truth and we all lie. We do. And if you meet someone that says they always tell the truth, run from them because they're lying. That's a lie. Everybody lies.
Not like we're not like we should lie, but our nature is to protect oneself. And so we will lie or at least not tell the whole truth to do that. And we ought not that we will pay the price. Like what the consequences are always coming for every lie. And I've got those stories. And, um, but so we're always this mixed bag of telling the truth and not telling the truth.
And, and as soon as you're honest about your deception, you're now an honest person. It's weird. Like, you know, so all that to say with the grace concept, um, Um, you know, I am what I'm committed to. I'm not what I've been. And that's tough because, you know, Freudian psychology is the opposite of that. Freud said, and everybody bid it hook, line and sinker that I am etiological.
He called it right. I am the effect. My history is the cause. And that's just not true unless you want it to be true. If you want it to be true, it's 100% true. And I'm dysfunctional because my dad and my mom and where I grew up and the color of my skin and my so-and-so, blah, blah, blah. That can all be true for you if you want. But it's not true. It's just real for you.
So grace is, even though all that is so, like that happened. I made those decisions. I'm not that person. For me, that's what grace is. I am forgiven. I forgive myself. I'm a God guy. And then whoever wanted to forgave me. If they didn't want to, God bless them. But I've forgiven myself. I don't need anybody else's forgiveness to forgive myself. That's what grace is.
And I'll move forward and see those mistakes that I made, choices I made, as fuel for the future that I'm committed to. And I don't run from any of it. It's all real. So now, this is a, I'll start with, I'll start with how we deal with clients, because that was a question. There is a contextual part of this, like the view of self, and I won't, I could do five hours on this, but I'll do one minute.
We actually use this leadership assessment tool that only 150 of us in the states have access to called the Harrison Assessment. I won't nerd out on it now, but there's reasons why we choose it. It talks about the self. It generates these paradoxes. So the self is a paradox. So we're all in a conversation about self-improvement and who I can be. We're all in that conversation.
Even if it's I can be no one, that is the conversation. And then we're also in a conversation about self-acceptance. I'm okay where I am. We're in that. And those are a paradox. I'm OK where I am and I'm not going to stay here. I'm going to improve. That is always happening at the same time. Paradox.
And if I'm really OK where I am and don't have any view of self-acceptance, you know, I'm ignorant and arrogant. because I'm good, and that's a dangerous person. If I'm probably like you, like me, like most high-striving people, really committed to self-improvement and lower on self-acceptance, I'm self-critical.
And when the stress comes up, like your story about your meeting, if I'm self-critical to naturally deal with the criticism of I'm the CEO and I had these three negative client interactions and why am I a piece of crap and why are my people this and why is this – but you have a – I can tell integrity matters to you and definitely how – as a person, how you look matters to you and your impact on others matters to you.
you're going to naturally be self-critical. Now, to deal with that, we become defensive. And that's what you did, I'm guessing, in the meeting. Yes. Yeah.
yeah it was so bad but also man just so human right i mean you were being honest that's what you really wanted but you know you knew it wouldn't work and you knew you were just your primal self or your shadow self whatever young would call it that it was not going to work and maybe do some irreparable damage uh so but we all go to defense
Showing 61–80 of 107 · page 4 of 6
← Previous
Next →