Adrian Kaler
speaker
107 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Dec 2024
Adrian Kaler’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
and usually defense looks like being blunt usually goes to, you know, strong arming goes to, um, you know, these are all these flips on this. I'm going through the graphs in my head, but we go all, we all go there just to defend ourselves. So now, uh, so that's a cool assessment. I can send you the assessment. We could talk through it. It's really great.
Um, now, but on a personal front, I know if I'm, if I have, I mean, for a whole era, like after I left that first marriage, um, I got sober and did all this stuff and turned my life around. But what I used to do to ground myself, which is my language for what you're talking about, how do I ground myself? Well, I've got to get clear on what matters to me no matter what.
And how do I get myself out of... the mood that I find myself in, whether it's elation or whether it's deprivation, whatever it is, and find the most healthy mood that's the most, I would call it generative, right? So I can be really clear, be really straight with someone and be really loving simultaneously. Back to the first part of the conversation, both masculine and feminine.
How do I do that? For me, I used to literally write on my thumb GHG on my thumb every morning for about two years. Why did I do that? GHG stood for three things, grateful, honest, and generous. And it was an icon for me to know, oh, that's home for me. I'm grateful, meaning I'm not at all interested in self-pity. Whatever's here is beautiful. Not like fantasy land. It's first off.
I can start with wherever we are. If someone is blowing it, I can start there and I will start there. It's the only only place start anyway is to start there. And I'm grateful for I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm the leader. I employ this person. I feed their family, help them feed their family, however you want to say it. And they're struggling, obviously, based on results.
They're struggling. And I'm called to this moment in time. This is cool. I'm the guy, the right guy for the job. Why? I'm the guy in the job. So I'm grateful for it. Honest, which has been more of, especially at that time, was more of a struggle for me. I mean, I had been lied to lots of people, but I also, most importantly, lied to myself.
Like I was unwilling to have thousands of conversations, which is why I got in such a bad spot in my own life. So honest really means full self-expression. I'm going to say what's there for me. I might not know what's there for me, but I'm going to explore what's there for me. With them, man, I'm going to take a shot. I'm not going to hide. I'm not going to be a doormat.
I'm not going to be a strong arm. I'm going to be real with what's there for me. Even the confusion, I'll just put language to the confusion because it's probably similar to what they're feeling. If I'm the leader and I'm confused, we better believe they're confused. Probably worse. They're probably really resentful because I'm paid to be clear. And then generous. Maybe the most important.
I don't know. But I'm here to make a difference for them. I'm here to make an impact for them, period. And it doesn't matter who they are with me. They could be angry and full of shit and whatever. That's cool. I'll start there. Man, you're struggling. I said this to a client last week. I think you're lying to me. And that's okay. I've lied before. Can we talk about it?
So being generous, and obviously I mean as a way of being, not just like giving money and that kind of stuff, but to be a generous being. So that's one of the ways I do it, have done it in the past, still do it. It might even be shorter than that. I remember in key moments in my life, I would just have little mantras to myself like I'm a gift. I'm a gift. I'm a gift. I'm a gift. Yeah.
know so it is great to have that space and make sense you created some space for yourself to kind of reground yourself i tell my clients that all the time because we have got you know sessions that are set up throughout the month but i said you just call me bet to walk into a big meeting call me i'll be your you know i'll be i'm your corner man that's the metaphor i always use is let's get yourself straight so you don't mess that up because not all moments are the same right some moments are worth millions of dollars some are just worth nothing cost you a million dollars so but the ones that you need to be there for you better get your head straight
And don't – last thing I'll say is don't give your future to your whims. Give your future to your commitments.
Yeah. Wow, you're right in my wheelhouse. This is what I care about. This is why I do this work, because it's primal. Like everybody. There's this quote that a client of mine told me. I think it's a Don Miller quote, if you know Don. I think it's Don. Maybe he was quoting somebody else. But he said, something like, we all yearn to be fully known and to be loved anyway.
obviously alluding to the fact there's shit in all of us that we don't want to be public and we're scared to death of and we're irredeemed still and all those things and the devils we fight in our private lives and things we're unwilling to face. We all have that, all of us. Every single human, I would assert, has that.
And that's what we're dying to say and dying to have heard and then someone look us in the eye and say, hey, I'm with you. You're okay.
love you anyway because for me that's the voice of god um that's the most beautiful thing about the whole redemption story is that oh yeah you are you are it's worse than you think and you're loved more than you can imagine that it just gives me goosebumps because we're all dying for that i know i am um it's become popular this imposter syndrome framework become popular because this is it, right?
This is the, what if they think of me like I actually privately think of myself? And then people say they suffer from imposter syndrome. They don't. We just have language for it now that helps me know what I'm still avoiding and helps me know the risk I'm still unwilling to take. So I, you can tell all my language is always hyper responsible. So it comes off maybe kind of harsh.
Um, I don't mean it that way, but, uh, honest truth is always like, you know, harsh, it's tough. It cuts us. And that's the point of it is it's here for us to mold us. So to answer your question, if someone is in this context and I'll kind of re configure the question, there are parts of us that Well, a handful of things.
First off, whatever confession you end up making, whatever you say to your group, I always say like the leader's confession is he's the last one to the party. Everybody knows whatever you like are going to say to your group or say to your team that seems so vulnerable to you. They talk about it already. Trust me. They know it.
They, you know, so you're the last one at the party, whatever you're going to decide to finally own in public, they've known it for a long time. So that's relieving kind of, it's kind of not relieving. Um, but I would say that, that like your impact speaks more than your intentions. Um, So but you'll be more free. And this is how this is, I think, the leadership into the next generation.
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