Alexis Ohanian
Appearances
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
most importantly build skills that i know are going to be durable call it a decade or two from now so empathy is a skill that i think will be the last bastion of ai like you're seeing you've probably seen the videos now of robotics and the leaps and bounds that's starting to make still early days but
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
There are skills, there are professions where empathy is so, so, so important and the physicality of being present one human to another where, at least I personally believe, if we ever get to that point with AI and with robotics, we can pretty much call it as a species because at that point, I don't know if you're that self-aware to be that empathetic and that effective in those moments.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
When we build any kind of social media platform, we are ultimately deciding what belongs and what doesn't. If you can be equipped and you can exercise those muscles around problem solving and learning, you will be at the forefront for however this technology changes things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
My sister is an RN. When her job... can be done just as well, or ideally even better, by a robot as a nurse. When that job can be done, you'll also have to then explain to that robot that they're going to be a nurse for the rest of their lives. And if they are that all powerful, there's no way they're doing that job because the humans who do it are so remarkable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Like it's not that if, if they, they would, that that's the moment when the robots are like, no, no way, no chance. We're enslaving you now game over. Yeah. Because the humans who are doing that as the last mile of humanity required in terms of like the physical dexterity required, the creativity, the problem solving, the empathy, all of that stuff. So she's got job security for a very long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And, and I just believe that, If you can be equipped and you can exercise those muscles around problem solving and learning, you will be at the forefront for however this technology changes things. And that's the advice we're trying with Olympia. Adira's only one, so we're still early days there. Yeah, you've got a long way. But I would say that's where it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
The more comfortable you can be in the discomfort of constant change, the better. And then look towards the skills. And this is the part that gets me fired up. I actually think we're going to see the pendulum is going to swing back for a lot of human work that we would have considered more artisanal because we'll crave the humanity of it. So I think food. So again, imagine a world where
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You know, I've tried, my wife's a great baker. I really just do pancakes. I tried making croissants over COVID because I was like, I love a good croissant. Who doesn't? And I was like, let me just watch a YouTube video and see how to make a croissant. Making croissants is a lot of work. You got to take that sucker out of the fridge regularly, put more butter in, knead it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Like it's, it's a labor of love. I've made it once. They turned out six out of 10. Okay. They were edible, but like not great. But now every, I will never make them again. But, but now every time I eat one, I have so much more respect for the process. making you know if we imagine automation robotics the world's greatest croissant should be pretty solved
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
and pretty affordable and pretty cheap as technology, again, the robotics are doing all that tedious but important work, it'll be solved. And we will all be able to get a magically delivered, perfect croissant right on time, fresh, affordable. This is a dumb example, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But in a world where you can see robots making commodities out of something like food, I actually think then the pendulum, again, as humans, swings to the artisan who's actually spent their lifetime perfecting this thing. And even when you can get the commoditized version, Some people sometimes will still seek out that very human version of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You know, the entertainment industry, we're in LA right now. It's undeniable that AI is going to have a huge impact in how we make films. And it will affect 80, 90% of the industry in really big ways that we still can't fully understand. And I just took my daughter to see Back to the Future for her birthday on Broadway. Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I'm sitting there and I'm realizing, you know, and actually, by the way, the special effects, all these dope LEDs, like it was actually one of the most dynamic theater experiences I've ever seen, right? That's technology. My bet is 10 years from now, live theater at a time when the commoditization of so many parts, not all of, but so many parts of like on-screen storytelling happens, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And it gets easier and cheaper and more efficient and more dynamic. You will see a big shift in that industry. And it's not going to go away. It's going to elevate so many things. But every screen we look at, for sure, our phones, our televisions, whatever, will be so programmed to show us what we want, when we want it, how we want it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
A part of our humanity will miss thousands of years ago when we were sitting around a campfire. And that great storyteller was doing the voices and the impressions. We were like, oh, that's hilarious, Jimmy. Do the story again at the time we tried to catch the gazelle, right? That's ingrained in our species. So I actually bet 10 years from now, live theater will be more popular than ever
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Because again, we'll look at all these screens with all these AI polished images, and we'll actually want to sit in a room with other humans to be captivated for a couple of hours in a dark room to feel the goosebumps of seeing live performances of human performances. And so I think we'll see this across a number of different sectors and areas that'll feel anachronistic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It'll feel crazy that in 2040, the hottest ticket in town will be a live performance. But I actually think, I think there's some truth to that. I think that's why I'm so bullish on sports because no one's going to pay money to cheer for and cry for a robot kicking a soccer ball. Like we need humans doing that. We need, we need to feel their pain and their success and their triumphs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And those are the areas that get me most hopeful because it's, it's kind of a nice throwback to when we were just hunting or growing the things we needed to live when, you know, the distractions we had were literally the humans around us and the community we had were basically the only people we all knew for our entire lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And there are parts of that that I actually think will nourish us even in this, you know, future. Have all parts of you always been that optimistic?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
i've definitely always been a tech optimist i i think look building reddit i mean you know how i resigned in protest in 2020 because i was despite being the face of the company spending you know 15 years building it turning it around you know i found myself in board meetings this is all public now but i'd find myself in board meetings where i was the only person out of five who was advocating for banning
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
like watch people die literally a community of you know hundreds of thousands of people sharing videos of just or horrible usually uh like closed circuit television or close-circuit camera footage of just awful stuff people dying suicide murder all this accidents and and then again it comes up again around communities like explicitly built on racism and things that i just
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I knew we're bad for business, we're bad for society, we're just not things that we should be fighting for. When I did part ways, I was so pleased to see the response finally was, okay, we're going to ban these things because it shined a light, right? And what it also taught me was, this was four years ago, was that I had... I didn't have enough agency, and that was my own creation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
That was my own doing. But I was never going to put myself in a situation again where I couldn't be doing not just the best work of my career, but also in a way that aligned with my values. And what's been a phenomenal result is for the last four years, I've had so much wind at my back. from making that decision, from aligning those values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I still think the internet can bring out the best in us. I do really believe that. And I can also accept the conflicting view that it enables the worst of us. And I obviously want to be on the side of the former. And so I try to use my platform as best I can for those things and to curb the worst. I think I have to remain an optimist because... I'm still optimistic about humanity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And to the extent, these tools are just a reflection of society, of our world. And I need to believe that, you know, there is hope for us to figure this out, to get a line that at the end of the day, nearly all of us still want the same things. We want to live decent lives. We want our kids to live hopefully better lives than we did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Like there are some practical needs that we still have from hundreds of thousands of years ago that I think we need to meet. Like I said, I want to spend my years supporting all this stuff that I know my girls will be proud of.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah. Well, look, early on, these really radical communities almost never exist. Certainly back then, because there were just fewer people online, you know, 2005 starting Reddit, I was just hoping it would work. There were so few people online actively creating content that, you know, for early years, it wasn't even a thing. It never even came up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And when it did, it was just an easy ban because it was a one-off post. I left, so sold the company in 2006 to Condé Nast, stuck around until 2010. Then I left, became a partner at Y Combinator, started a venture fund, and I came back in 2014 as executive chairman. That was in the wake of a previous CEO infamously defending revenge porn. This was definitely Reddit's nadir.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
He'd written this infamous blog post defending keeping these horrible photos up. And that was, not surprisingly, one of his last acts as CEO. And I was asked by the board to come back. I said, great. First thing we did, shocker, ban revenge porn. Pretty easy, very obvious thing to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And then it was a task of, one, rebuilding the business, rebuilding the faith with users, with brands, with everyone, and then starting to just modernize all the things. And then as this stuff started coming up and once it got to the board levels, you know, I'll give you the steel man version of the argument that I heard was these are communities that are important because of free speech and.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
The one argument that I really didn't necessarily believe, I didn't believe, was around the therapeutic value of having communities like this for people who have PTSD, like soldiers or medical folks. And I pushed back pretty hard on that one because I just still didn't believe that it was real. Probably the most elucidating takeaway for me was once a spotlight was shown on it,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
The thing I would have respected more, even though I disagreed with it, would have been taking that same argument and making it publicly and just saying, yeah, look, this is a free speech issue. We feel like this should be here. And even though I would disagree with it, I'd still respect that it was consistent. But we know that's not what happened. What happened was, okay, yeah, are bad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
We're going to ban it now. And, and that for me was when I just, I realized, no, this isn't this. I can't, I can't spend, I don't know, however many decades I got left on this earth doing this and being a part of this. And, um,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I think the really telling thing in the era we're in now is we have the first generation of young people who are like in their early 20s who have grown up, like truly grown up on these social media platforms. And so it's exposed some of the most problematic parts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It's also exposed some of the most impressive parts, like the excellence of an 19-year-old, 20-year-old who's pitching me to start her company. She is... orders of magnitude smarter, farther along, just just more impressive than I was at her age 20 years ago. And I think the Internet has a huge role to play in that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
At the same time, some of the stuff we talked about earlier, just trying to navigate an already really difficult time that is childhood where your entire life is gamified, you know, based on how many followers you get or how many hearts you get or whatever else also brings out the worst. But for me, no, that was that was my breaking point. And I just realized
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I, like I said, I can deal with, I understand, you see this argument being made to this day. I respect that argument. And I at least appreciate when it's consistent. The inconsistency is the part that grinds my gears more than anything else. But we must also still accept the fact that, you know, the World Wide Web itself, the internet, is the totally open, free space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
The difference is when we build any kind of social media platform, platform, whatever it is on it, we are ultimately deciding what belongs and what doesn't. We've all agreed that spam does not matter. Like we are all okay impinging on the free speech of a spammer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
and that's a pretty easy argument everyone agrees so so if we agree on that then now we just need to agree on where we draw the line because it's there there's no such thing as a totally free network because again we've all agreed we draw a line on spam so where else does it go and like i said for me and i and i realize it is it's important for it to be a gray line and i can go into all the there's a myriad of reasons why it's actually really helpful to have it be a gray line the short answer is if you make it a bright line
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
then toxic users will go right to exactly where that line is and say, great, okay, I'm just going to hang on here on this line and troll because that's how they get satisfaction. So it's actually beneficial to have the gray line. So I totally understand the gray line. Even our laws in the United States have a gray line that usually get interpreted by judges or juries or what have you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
That's helpful. But I think, and this is where the tech optimist in me comes in, when I look at the next generation of consumer social, these apps, and every app starts with teens, usually teen girls, college age girls, they drive all online culture and adoption. You look at Instagram success, you look at Snap success, you look at TikTok success, it's the same story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
then the apps that are starting to make traction, and it's still early days, but they're much less based, even the ones that have blown up and fallen back down, the B-Reels of the world and some of these others, they're all much less based on the sort of internet popularity contest. And they're much more based on, Connecting with your actual friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
One that I recently seeded is called Air Buds, and it's only about connecting over the music you're listening to. And it's purely like, this is the song I'm streaming right now on Spotify. React to it, vibe with it, share tastes. I think the culture has already now built up enough of an immune system that for this next generation, there's a pushback to... the previous mold of social.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I think that alone will drive a much more healthy relationship to social media, but we'll see. But that is the lens through which we look at even making the investments. It's okay. When my kids are old enough, how good am I going to feel about this being a multi-billion dollar business that they're on? And look, admittedly, you cannot predict that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
There are so many different paths a company can take, any idea can take from day one to 10 years out, 15 years out, 20 years out. But we make the best assessment we can based on the founders, based on their attention and have, like I said, the starting line that these founders are on today is much more sophisticated than I was as a first time CEO right out of college.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
because they like social media didn't exist. We had web forums. Facebook was still in colleges. There were a lot of blogs. Like it was just a very different world. Today, any, any founder pitching us has lived on social media and they've seen the good and they've seen the bad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Has it happened? Okay, there have been companies where we haven't even taken the pitch just because... And again, I don't want to get too high horse about it. No one's out here saying like, okay, I guess there were... There was one company that I hard passed on Whatever, I can say it. They were a telehealth business basically handing out Adderall.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And the business was growing very quickly, but there was no way they were doing it responsibly. And that was a hard, hard, hard pass. It was... Both from a, I wouldn't feel good about my kids using this, also just from a risk standpoint, like at some point the FDA is going to look at this and y'all are going to have a bad time. Spoiler, the FDA did come down pretty hard on them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But we do, I guess I would take the, it's the more optimistic version of that, which is, would I be excited to see this exist in the world that our kids are going to grow up in? And if it's a 100% reusable rocket company, which we did see called Stoke, hell yes. Like 100% reusable. So now you're talking about, one, there's an environmental benefit to it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And two, the things we'll be able to do for all of us here on planet Earth when we have a much better, smoother relationship to low Earth orbit will be very good for humanity. But there's a version for that. But I think it's the... It's the more sort of positive lens. The very interesting thing about founders today as well, they are more sophisticated.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
they also know just how big of a role technology plays in the world. And I know people would get on Zuck for his like aw shucks behavior, probably in the earlier days where he just, it didn't, it seemed implausible that he could not realize how much power Facebook has. And I will say to his credit, I think his tune changed on that. And also in his defense, none of us did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
The idea, if you had told me, probably in in most of the aughts throughout most of the aughts and probably even the early teens that these social media platforms would be among the most valuable businesses in the world i i would have been very very very very surprised and you know They made some smart M&A moves. They did the things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But like for all of us, or I can speak for myself, but I would wager Jack feels the same way with Twitter. In those early days, in those aughts, you know, it was about building something that you hoped people loved. It was about keeping the servers online.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It was not about, well, what is going to happen if all of a sudden there is an election that could decide, that there's an election whose fate could be decided based on whether or not a post goes up or not. Like it would be, laughable to have that conversation in a boardroom 10 years earlier because it's like hey we might die next month the company may not be here next month but
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Credit to this generation of founders. Every one of them knows going into it, hey, technology is shaping far more than it. It's not just these are the most powerful companies in the world or in our economy, but there are repercussions to it. And I think by and large, we want the good stuff to win.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Thank you, Jay. That was great. Can you introduce me everywhere? Happily, happily. Let's do it. I'll record an interview. Let me bring that everywhere I go. I would love for you to do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Did you ever get a chance to- I was not invited to those meetings if they were happening. Admittedly, Reddit was this very solidly tier two company, right? Like we, you know, selling the company 16 months in was ludicrous, but it was life-changing money. It was just $10 million for-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
16 months worth of work i thought i was getting away with something this is nuts and then part of khan and asked you know the trajectory just sort of changed from when you're an independent startup and so reddit was really solidly a second tier social media platform for over a decade and then it wasn't until you know so 2014 i come back and then probably by the late teens once it's like oh here it's a billion dollar company again the business is back let's
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You know, there's a path to an IPO one day. And so if those meetings were happening, Reddit was not invited. But rightly so. I wouldn't have been mad. I get it. We didn't have our shit together. But there's probably... I don't know. I've gotten to know... Jack a little bit. I don't really know Zuck.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
A few of the other folks around these other platforms, but like there isn't, I don't know, there's not a group chat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
There's not an active group chat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Oh, yeah. It's my first, one of my first and earliest memories. So I was... probably like six, five or six years old. And so if you can't tell from the last name, I'm Armenian. And my great aunt Vera pulled me aside. So my birthday is April 24th, which is the, it's the Armenian genocide remembrance day. So it's a conflicted day for me. But this particular birthday is
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I learned that it was the genocide remembrance day. How did I learn? I remember my aunt Vera pulling me aside and basically sitting me down and walking me through our family's story of survival in detail, talking about the costs, the toll it took, the things that her parents endured and what they saw and all of that, and basically how we got to America.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And probably not a conversation you should be having with a six or seven-year-old, but our meetings, we keep it real. She basically finishes up this conversation saying, listen, it's not a coincidence your birthday is April 24th. You are the product of all of their sacrifice, of all of their hard work, of everything that they endured.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You have a tremendous responsibility now to make the most out of this life that you have. When I was born in New York, here in the States, like couldn't have asked for a better outcome, right? Generations later. But what they endured is something that you will have to carry for the rest of your life. Happy birthday. And so, yeah, no, that has never left me. And she was an amazing woman.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
She was a public school teacher in Brooklyn, didn't have any kids herself. She was my grandfather's sister. She's my great aunt, Vera. She didn't have any kids herself, but she saved up as much money as she could. She's the reason I could go to college. I went to University of Virginia without taking on any debt. Uh, she paid for that all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Um, and so amazing woman, she framed that for me at a very, very young age. And so I am very fortunate. I had an amazing loving mom. I have an amazing loving dad. I had the ultimate cheat code, uh, having that foundation, you know, grown up as a white dude here in the States at a time when technology was starting to rip. My parents put some money together to let me get a computer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
All that stuff lined up. And then it was imbued with this responsibility that I probably will never escape. For better or for worse, it's always going to weigh on me. I'm never going to feel like I've done enough. And I'm not mad about it. I'm grateful for it. Because I think that...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
brokenness has has made me who I am and it helps me do the things I do but it instilled something in me that I just feel a tremendous responsibility for and and so I I don't know I think I've probably spent you know I'm 41 now I've spent three decades trying to earn that and And I still haven't. And I will probably spend three more decades trying to earn that. And I still won't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And it'll be a part of me that's always feeling, not that it's not good enough, but that I have not done enough. And, and, and I know this is a story shared by plenty of folks who are descendants from survivors of genocide and whatnot, but, oh man, it just, it always hits. And it's like, I feel, and it's this juxtaposition, right? Cause I go through my life largely stress and anxiety free, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I'm aware of that and I'm grateful for that. And then there's moments where I sit with it and I'm just like, I can still hear, I can still see Aunt Vera telling me this. And I'm like, keep going, do better. You have a responsibility, do more. Needless to say, I'm being very...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
i'm very careful with explaining like i want our i want olympia and adira of course to be proud as armenians they're only a quarter but they're still armenian they got the last name too i want them to be aware of this stuff and be proud of their family and obviously their mom is going to have some some big big stories for them too but um i'm also trying to be mindful of the fact that like maybe i'll wait until after you know they're a little older to really go into the details of it but uh you know it's these things shape us man and i like i said i i am
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
The human mind seeks community. And Reddit was noteworthy, especially in 2005, because it was pseudonymous, right? Because you didn't have to have your government name, didn't have to have your photo at a time when Zuck was building Facebook, which was very much that. And you could come together, not because you have something to say and you want people to follow you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I mean, she could have just got me a normal birthday gift. But I'm still grateful for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
She's not. She got to see me graduate from college, which was awesome. She was there in Charlottesville for that. And yeah, no, it's wild. I've never... I don't know. I think...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You know, one of the big things I did a few years back was I joined the Board of Robin Hood, the nonprofit in New York, and I made a big grant to child care there in the city, in part because it was there in Brooklyn when my mother and father were working at the Ashland Place apartments there in Fort Greene. Aunt Vera would pinch hit and just watch me and stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
So my one of my parents were at work and all that as a little kid. And so child care. makes a huge difference. And, and we were lucky enough to have a family member just across, almost across the hallway and, you know, another building. And, uh, and so I wanted to pay it forward and that was in honor of her. That was a tribute to her.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But, uh, like I said, I'll be paying that back, uh, for the rest of my life for sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
i took my pops back too and we were walking around the four greens changed a lot since the 80s uh but the the block is still there and uh and it was great taking my dad through there just hearing stories from him and uh yeah it's wild then you become a parent and you start imagining you see this little person and you're reminded that you were that little person once to your parent and it makes your relationship to them feel very different it's it was a trip but it was great to be able to come back and i'll like i said i'm i'm paying off those debts the rest of my life
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah, well, I dealt with it very poorly. But so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
for the first 20 years of my life like i said i mean awesome like no no real uh strife i was ready to take over the world like i felt so confident in our ability to build this business uh so excited and gosh like two months in to starting reddit fresh out of school my then girlfriend who was a year younger than me she was studying abroad she had a pretty serious accident big fall.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
She was in a coma. She survived. She made a nearly full recovery actually. But the first month, two months of Y Combinator was this. And you get that phone call and you're like, and again, I was very lucky. I never had a phone call like that before in my life. And you get that phone call and it guts you and you're on the first plane to Germany and you're trying to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
just make sense of the world right this person you love this person you care about and another month or two later and then i get the call that my mom has had a seizure and she's been diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer a glioblastoma multiforma stage four and there's words you don't want to hear and you know the that that was really the crippling blow where
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You come together around community. That is the goal. We all love Angel City FC. We joined that community. We're a part of it. We all love stapling bread to trees, which is a real subreddit. You know, everyone's got their hobbies. We all join. We post photos of the bread stapling. We talk about it. We commune. And I grew up on the internet. I learned how to code from strangers on the internet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
know here was someone who i mean i had like a great relationship with my parents but like definitely a mama's boy and i was an only child what can i say i was pretty cool but no she was she was amazing and and the first thing i did when i saw her so i flew down to baltimore First thing I did when I saw her was asking her, how are you? How's everything going? How are you feeling?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And her first response, first words out of her mouth were, I am sorry. And I was like, what do you mean? You don't mean, I'm sorry. And she's like, well, I know you're starting this company. You're supposed to be a CEO right now. You got to focus on Reddit. Don't focus on me. And I know how much of a distraction this is going to be for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And you hear something like that from someone who you love so much, who's already given you so much, man. And- And I thought, I was like, I'm the last person. You should not be apologizing to me right now. Focus on yourself, please. I'm going to be fine. You owe me nothing. You've already given me everything. And that's emblematic of who she was. What it did was it gave me a confidence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I knew there was no way Reddit would fail. No way. No chance I was going to let it. No way it could possibly not succeed. Because she blessed it with that. She really, even in those situations, still was looking out for her little boy above herself. And, you know, she fought for another three, four years. She got to see me sell Reddit. It had a lot, not going to lie, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You know, in the grand scheme of tech, a $10 million exit is minuscule. For 16 months worth of work, pretty good ROI. But to be able to make that call to my mom to say, hey, your faith in me paid off. Like, what can I buy you? Was worth everything. And then true to form. True to form. Like, I knew I was going to get my dad some season tickets for our local NFL team there in D.C.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
True to form, though, my mom was like, I don't want anything. I'm like, no, no, I'm not going to let you do this. Come on, what do you want? She was like, I don't want anything. And I ended up making a donation for her to her favorite nonprofit. She was like, all right, if you're going to have to give me something, you can do that. And I was so mad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I was so mad because lovingly, I was like, God, there is no way I'm ever going to top this. You realize you have set the bar so high that if I ever have kids, I'm going to be chasing that goal. But like I said, that's who she was. That's all she cared about. She was an undocumented immigrant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
She was an au pair from Germany who overstayed her visa because she fell in love with my dad, this Armenian-American here in the States. Yeah, they eventually got married, had me. But she worked the jobs she needed to work to pay the bills and do the things. And her number one, I mean, I don't think anyone would have told you, the most important thing to her was her family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I was an only child, so I got all the shine from that. Yeah. That was the foundation, man. And when folks want to know how or why or all this stuff, man, I pointed to her. Sorry, dad, you get some credit too. But having that confidence, having that support, having that unwavering.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
When I told her, I told this woman I wanted to be a professional waiter in high school because I was so good serving at Pizza Hut. Yeah. So I worked pizza in high school and I was a dishwasher, then I was a cook. And then the deep dish pizzas are a sleeper. I'll make them at home now with the cast iron. They're good. And eventually I made it as a serving and I was pretty good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And my boss, Tony, he was like, hey, you know what? Instead of going to college, I think you could do this full time. Like, you're really good. And I was like, really? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, I could move to New York. And he's like, you can move to New York. You can make a great career out of this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I convinced other strangers when I was a teenager
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
and uh and so i remember going home and telling my parents i was like i'm thinking about not going to college and the last thing you would tell an armenian dad is that you're not going to go to college just to be clear and my dad to his credit didn't say anything my mom though so sweet she was like look whatever you do i know you're going to be the best at it i know you're going to work your hardest why don't you start with a budget and figure out what it'll cost to live there and then how much you'll get paid and see if that's something you want to accomplish and thankfully
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
My ADD brain switched pretty soon thereafter. But this was a woman who, no matter what, was going to support whatever I was doing. And then when it just so happened to be a tech startup, she was like, great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
to basically pay me to build websites for them because html building websites was thing i was very keen on i just enjoyed the design i enjoyed building and it made me feel really cool to be a child on these message boards like a teenager being able to get paid by adults because i had a skill they didn't have and so i learned so much through those experiences and i learned
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Literally the first person to buy our merch, the first person to post on... God, there are comments from my mom on TechCrunch circa 2005 that no one else would notice, but I know because I can see her username. And it's the most...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
crazy german mom english you can imagine but uh it's the sweetest thing and like she was a ride or die and so that was the that was the bar i had and so even when those things came up i just knew i can't quit now here's where i up was i mean intense compartmentalization And it was what I felt I needed to do at that time, which was let me just use work as therapy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Let me just work my ass off because I cannot work anyone. And if I've got her pulling for me, I will crush any competitors. I know my co-founder wasn't really equipped to have those conversations or really be a support at all. But I mean, we were kids, right? And so I just decided work is the therapy. And for the next
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
10 years, you know, really did not think about, explore, delve into anything other than I'm just going to do my work and I'm going to... Obviously, I took as many AirTran trips home as I could to spend time with my mom and dad on weekends, but like...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
let me not go any deeper than yeah here's this shitty thing i'm going to compartmentalize it and just focus on the tasks at hand and there were areas look i i think compartmentalization gets a bad rap i do think there are areas where it's actually tremendously helpful but with some now my my my take is a little bit more nuanced where i think with some work
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It's good to go into the box to rearrange some stuff, to sort through some stuff, to organize it. But I actually think there is a value to having some stuff in boxes and to compartmentalize, because I also don't want to spend my days reliving and rehashing and just analyzing those experiences. I'm not doing her any favors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Her greatest joy was seeing me be successful as a CEO, as a startup founder, and whether it was Reddit or anything else. That's what mattered. And so it's a shame, right? She hasn't gotten to see me get married. She hasn't gotten to see me have kids. She hasn't. She'd have been an amazing grandmother. She hasn't gotten to see me build a lot of businesses I've built.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
She saw me, though, live my dream. And when I decided it was time to build my own venture firm, I took the lessons from those days of Y Combinator. Because... Jay, I agonized over a $200 plane ticket on AirTran to Baltimore because we only had $72,000 in the bank. We didn't raise that much money. This is a very different era.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But even if we had raised the normal round today, it would be maybe a few million dollars. I still don't want a CEO deciding, God, this is going to hurt our burn. Do I really want to take that trip? And we built a program in 2776 specifically to say there are tens of thousands of dollars a founder can use that we are paying for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It's coming out of our fees for their wellness, their development, any caregiving needs. Like we've had founders use this to pay for a babysitter and a date night with their partner. Awesome. We've had founders use it for you know, therapy for executive coaching, for surfing lessons, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
If it, if it helps them find their focus, find their balance, be better founders for early stage companies, that's often the entire business is the founder. And if Y Combinator had had a program like that, I think it would have made all the difference. And it's not to slight them. They didn't know what they were doing. They were building the firm for the first time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
from video games, leadership skills, if you can believe it. And in building Reddit, it was simply a way to build a better type of forum that would be a better way for online community to form. And over the last now 20 years since, I look first and foremost for these things. And I think in a world increasingly more fractured and divided,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But I want to do 776 differently. And not because it feels good, but because I actually think it will drive better outcomes. It will mean better leaders, better managers, better founders, which will lead to healthier organizations, which I think will lead to more returns. And these are the ways that we're trying to learn from those experiences.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I speak with founders to this all the time, especially at the early days, but it never goes away. But especially at the early days, so much of the company takes on your neuroses, your like, you are setting so much of the culture and don't even realize it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
even just the way you show up on a zoom call right because you're the founder you're the ceo like you are dictating so much of how other people are going to move and once you repeat those behaviors over and over again what you've done is created a culture intentionally or not and so your baggage your challenges the things that you're not addressing and working through to be your best are going to be inherited by your team and and that's again none of this is
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
This is the soulless capitalist talking here, right? I think there's a fantastic emotional argument for it and a health argument for it. But I always try to come first from just the business argument because if it makes sense for business, then it's a no-brainer. Then obviously, if it's going to be for your health and wellness involvement, then you should do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But I do think it has a bottom line impact. I really do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
and where people spend, just frankly, more of their time online, these spaces matter even more. And it's something, for the first probably 10 years of Reddit, most people didn't think it was possible for people to care that much about their online identity as they did their offline. That was one of those things that I really held fast to, and I think today we sort of take for granted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Oh, I got that. So here, I'll give you an example. Let it illustrate it. so like two years into conan asked when there's the meme in uh the silicon valley show of resting investing so normally when a founder gets acquired they just hang out at the company and just they don't do anything and they earn out and they leave But again, not me, crazy. So like, I want to keep shipping.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I want to keep building things. And instead of actually making the case for the engineering team to go and build, in this case, it was a mobile app. So if you can believe it, in 2009, 2010, there was this new thing called the iPhone. And some people were talking about how it was going to be the future of computing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Now, I was one of those people who, hook, line, and sinker, was like, this is a big deal. And if we're building Reddit to be the destination for what's new and interesting on the internet, we need a mobile app. Now, engineering team did not agree, because the way things had always worked, it was fine on the browser. It worked great on the browser. The company was growing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Why change it if it ain't broken? And instead of doing what I should have done, which would have been better leadership, which is actually bring folks in, win them over, make the case, get the buy-in, and then change the product plan, I just hired a freelance team to go and build it. Because... I made a half step of an effort to make the case and do the right thing as a mature manager.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And when I wasn't getting the progress I wanted, my impatience and my relentlessness was like, I can hire other people to build it. We'll just build it. And it worked. We shipped it. Reddit had a mobile app called iReddit. And it was doing well. I was really happy with that pun. I hope people would say iReddit on Reddit. I don't know if anyone's ever said that. But that was the hope.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But then a year later,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
i leave you know the handcuffs had come off and fully vested and then what happened the app died because there was no one left to support it and there was no institutional buy-in and so imagine four years later five years later i come back and now it's 2014 and everyone knows you need a you need a mobile app you have to have a mobile app and the culture of reddit is still solidly desktop is only what matters why do we need a mobile app and i'm like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I failed. I failed. We had this five years ago, and yet here we are, and we actually now need to do it right this time, actually get the buy-in, actually bring in the folks. We finally shipped an app probably a year later. So it was an unwillingness to actually lead, and it was a relentless desire to just – keep moving forward with or without an actual team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And that is a terrible way to be a CEO. Terrible. It's something frankly, I think I still struggle with in a lot of ways. I will never be hanging out on a beach. I will never retire. I love the work that I do. Yeah, if I do it well, I get very well rewarded for it. And that helps. But it's not about that. I love the work that I do. It's very satisfying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Of course, people care, in many cases, much more about their online persona than their offline one. And I just hope to see it get used for more and more good at a time when, like I said, there's more division than ever. And the power of community is still something that I think runs deep in our species. And the internet is just a new medium to connect and hopefully for good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It's something I genuinely would want to do all the time. And my wife knows this. And she's someone who knows a thing or two about relentlessness and hard work. But even she would admit and has said on numerous occasions at the dinner table that sometimes I take it a little too far.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Swear to God. And I actually had an LP, so one of our investors. So about 10% of the money we invest out of 776 is my money. But then 90% of it is from institutions, universities, all values aligned, good folks. And I had one of our LPs casually be like, oh, hey, I heard you were, or I saw you were at the Olympics. Looked like it was a lot of fun.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I was like, are you implying that I was just hanging out at the Olympics for two weeks? And he's like, no, it's the summer. I totally get it. Like, it's fine. And so I was retelling this story to my wife. And she's like, I will literally call him up because they know each other. It'd be casual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I will assure him that I have countless times complained about the fact that you're working too much. And I'm like, baby, from any partner, that would be powerful. But coming from you, right, it carries a lot more weight. But the reality is... I love this. And unlike being a professional athlete, I get to do this forever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
As long as my brain's working, I have compounding that I get out of age and experience. And it's the unfair advantage of all of us who are not professional athletes is that we actually continue to compound the expertise over time and get to keep doing the thing that we loved in our 20s, in our 30s, in our 40s, in our 50s. And it's a great blessing. And so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah, I have this and I think the downside has been historically making sure I was either I was building teams and building organizations that were aligned with this. And that was a big part of the decision four years ago to say, okay, you know, Caitlin, who I founded 776 with, she joined me early in the Reddit turnaround. Almost that time was like six years earlier.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I know she's got the same, whatever, brokenness, that relentlessness, that hunger, and having a partner like her. And then Lizzie, who also came over, now she runs my foundation. Those are the folks I just want to spend the rest of my years building with and working with. And that's not a judgment. Like, y'all got to find whatever you need.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I think one of the things that always gets so twisted, because I am, look, hashtag business dad. I'm out here making pancakes every Sunday for my girls. I do crepes on Saturdays. I post it on social. Yes, I've gotten into smoking meats lately, and I'm very proud of that. But like all things on social media, you're seeing a curated version of the things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But the promise that I made to my kids was, is the same promise I make to my team, which is like I'm sorry to my childhood friends, but I'm like, When I'm on the clock for work, I'm going to show up here the best way that I can. When I'm on the clock for my family, I'm going to show up there the best way that I can. And that's frankly all the bandwidth I have in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I think one of the areas I should be investing more into, and maybe there'll be a time, but it's the relationships I have with other men. And these are the guys, I've known them since I was five. These are my best friends. We're in the group chat daily. We see each other now maybe once a year, twice a year, but I, and you know, I got to organize it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I organize a really proper guy's trip at least once a year. Now we've added a second one. But that's the one area where I know I've made a sacrifice. And I've just said, look, this isn't a part of the equation anymore. We used to play video games all the time after school. We'd get off the bus. We'd go to Mike's house, fire up Goldeneye on the N64.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
wouldn't do my homework and but that's that's chat to my life that's closed and now i have to make these trade-offs and so when i always get a little miffed when people twist it as like oh this guy's not that serious and it's like no like there is nothing wrong with caring about being the absolute best at work and also for your family those things should not be mutually exclusive and i don't know how we created this myth that it had like yeah it sucks there's no such thing as balance you've got to figure it out you're always never doing enough
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But hell, modern women have had to endure this for quite some time now. And I think only recently has it come up for dads. But I'm glad it's getting talked about more and I'm fine with the juxtaposition.
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I mean, these are the guys who still, like, they'll give me shit all day long. And that's great because I need it sometimes. And it's helpful. Also, knowing these guys for as long as I have, it's 100% genuine. And you see it, right? Like, you get – as you find success, as you find fame, as you find wealth – there's a difference in the relationships.
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There's always this like, it's a little bit of a raised eyebrow, right? And I know how, or I've seen how isolating that can be for folks. And I've never wanted that for me. And one of the things I've always appreciated is that these guys have been my best friends, like I said, since I was a kid. And when we get together, you know, the only thing that's changed is that we're older.
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Early on, people were often very confused why someone would spend so much of their free time moderating a community for free, essentially community management. And I'd often frame it, I grew up here in the United States, I was a Boy Scout, there were parents who were often involved volunteering for the Boy Scouts.
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We got some money now, but like we're, it's the same bullshit. And they treat me exactly the same way. And like I said, it's a good humbling thing to have your friends talk shit to you on the group chat. I think male companionship is underrated. And like I said, it's the one area where I know I could be doing more work. The challenge is a lot of us have young kids right now.
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And that, again, is the priority. I think it'll shift again when I've got teenagers and they no longer want to hang out with me. But almost all of us have kids that are young. And we get it. We'll bring the gang together. But we live in different places and it is what it is. And then candidly, one of our guys, Adam, suddenly had a heart attack. And he was training.
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He was the most fit out of all of us. He was at the gym. His heart gave out. And he passed on the way to the hospital. Oh, my gosh. And then again, you get that fucking phone call. And you're just like, no, this is a joke. Like, there's no way. No chance. No chance. And... That was a wake-up call for me. And he didn't have children, but we're all looking around each other at the funeral.
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And again, a lot of us with kids just thinking like, Christ, we have to show up in such a big way for these little humans. And you can't help but take it to that selfish place, right? And be like, I deeply miss this guy. And
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feel like i owe it to him like i said he was the most fit of all of us this dude crossfitting i mean and adam was to his credit to man the guy always was down it did not matter what it could have been let's just go see a dumb movie on a tuesday night he always, always was a strong yes.
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And that mindset, and this is something I always try to take, and I've tried to tell founders this too, like, it's not my quote, but it's the one about the average of your five closest friends. And, and I think a lot about this because like, you know, my, these guys, we've all had very different lives.
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There are, I don't know if I'd start a company with any of these guys, but there are attributes about each one of them that I find really remarkable. And Those are the things that I keep in mind when I'm like, one of the reasons I love staying close to you guys is I care about you. I love you. Like we've known each other through so much. We've done a lot together.
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We've experienced so fucking much. And there are still parts of you that just make me want to get better. And for Adam, it was the relentless commitment to his health and fitness. And I just, I couldn't help but think, God, I really got to get my life right.
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and i started with the whole battery of tests and like i'm getting blood work ct scan doing all the heart like everything i can now and really rigorously i'm not not a hypochondriac but i'm like i need to get some baselines i need to be checking up on this i need to actually be like making like thoughtful visits to the doctor fairly regularly.
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Cause I, and as a dude, you're just like, whatever you're, the culture's put some dirt on it and you're fine. And like, that's how I lived for 40 years. And, and that was the wake up call. And I feel like I owe it to him. And so when I get up in the morning and you know, I'm like, okay, drag my ass to the gym. I'm like, come on, show up, keep going, man. Like do it for Adam.
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It's a thing where like,
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now it puts a framing on all the times we get together because we know at some point it'll be the last one that someone is going to be there could be us and and so again we're not i mean look we're still doing the same dumb like we were at a brewery in baltimore last time like it's not we're not that sophisticated about it but i'll tell you what though we've gotten a lot smarter as we've gotten older i think we have gotten a lot better
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They'd be there for camping trips, they'd be there for meetings, they'd be helping out volunteering their time and energy. for community. And so I really took for granted the fact that if people wanted to do this offline for whatever organizations, faith groups, et cetera, that online these connections matter just as much, even though they may not feel as real.
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telling one another actually how we feel which is again this is a nuts thing for if you talk to my 20 year old self like would you imagine yourself having like thoughtful conversations about like life with your with your guys and the answer would have been no of course not like we're talking about football or video games or girls
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but but that's been a nice part of getting older is now there's more depth to this relationship like we have true true trust and intimacy and we have this feeling like I can I can literally tell this person everything because he's seen me at my best and my worst and like this is my boy right and that unlock gives me something that powers me up for however long it is until I see them again.
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And when I think about what is missing right now, I think about all of the young men who don't have great role models and can now access any role model they want, but they are going to default to the junk food And that's not a judgment. It's the same reason I really want to pick up the Snickers, right, instead of whatever the better choice is.
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There's an intellectual version of that junk food that exists, which is not nourishing. It's not actually helping you grow. And it's trying to fill a void. You have a hunger for this thing. And I think men in particular, the shadow of all of the emphasis being put on women is that so little attention has been put on our young men.
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And I would love to see not attention taken away, but more attention found to be placed on talking about young men, supporting young men, because... And there have been, I was a, so I was briefly a Kiva fellow. So I volunteered for Kiva when I left Reddit the first time. So I was in Armenia working with entrepreneurs and it was amazing.
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One of the big lessons they take away from that is women entrepreneurs anywhere in the world are a far better investment than men because the money that you invest in them that they use to help build a business oftentimes gets reinvested more often than not in the family, in the community, versus if you do it for men, Some of the money goes to the family communities.
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Some of the money goes to the local bar, local establishment, whatever. Like basically investing in women in emerging economies just has a bigger impact on society. And it kind of tracks. It's a generalization, but I think we're sitting here going, yeah, okay, that kind of tracks. But then you go a step further and it's like, okay, under duress,
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and this is closely related, women tend to endure a lot better than men. And this is one of the reasons why when you look at prisons, you look at terrorist organizations, you look at when people are pushed to extremes, disproportionately men that end up not turning out well.
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So I think we have an imperative here where if we have a generation of young men who are feeling disillusioned, who are feeling demoralized, who are feeling this insecurity, this deep, deep, deep pain, like we all have an incentive to make sure that they're getting that high protein diet of things that will actually help them be better and actually give them a path towards self-improvement and give them a path towards being successful, viable members of society.
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And in fact, you can scale your time so much more efficiently, right? You can build a community of literally millions of people from your home. And that gives you a sense of purpose and a feeling of, you know, being able to create the sense of belonging for people. And that's, that's really meaningful. I mean, that is something that I've just seen continue to impress people.
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Because unlike women, they're not going to handle that well. And and so I can make the case from a like a value standpoint, like, hey, I think it's important to support these young men. But I also would make the case just from a societal standpoint, like it is in our best interest for for public safety, for all the things to make sure we get those sort of that generation back on track.
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And I think it starts with conversations like this between high profile men who've had success in their careers, who can talk about and normalize a lot of this stuff. Because at the end of the day, if we don't have those examples, what else fills the gaps? And I don't like the alternatives that fill in the gaps.
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And what's wild is, you know, I didn't really, I very much broke into tech and business and learned a ton. And every time I keep going up and I tell the guys this all the time, I keep leveling up. Right. And I keep meeting new people and sort of getting another peek behind the curtain of like how the world works or how business works and all that stuff.
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And it's been eyeopening because like there's shit I would, if I just could tell my 15 year old self and be like, don't do that, that's stupid. Like, like there's actually a smarter way to do that. And I hope to always keep feeling that to some extent, but as I keep doing that and keep meeting more and more folks, I have yet to to meet one who doesn't have this level of introspection and depth.
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And I'll tell you, it's most telling among the billionaires who are now grandparents, men who have achieved everything you could hope for in business. It doesn't matter the industry. Who are looking at their grandkids as a second chance because they didn't get to or didn't want to or weren't interested in or whatever we want to call it, spending that time with their own kids.
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And they're so grateful for that second chance. But I keep looking at all these stories from men who I really, really, really respect. And the ones who feel like they've had the most fulfilling life all keep coming back to human experiences they have with loved ones, with family. And like I said, I got a...
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much smaller scale version of that with my own mom who who never wanted for anything and when you get to spend time with folks who have a few years left to live it becomes very telling especially to do it in my 20s full of all that youthful vigor and invulnerability to get humbled and see someone who does not care for anything other than the experiences she had and the humans she loves bro i i
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That was probably one of the greatest gifts she could have given me was that perspective. So that when I did find wealth, when I did find notoriety, I'd be lying if I said it doesn't affect me in some ways. Sure, it affects me. But I have never, never gotten it twisted about what actually mattered. And I've never wanted for notoriety or fame. I've never wanted for wealth.
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I've wanted for things that help me get more time with the people I care about and make me feel like I'm living a fulfilled and purposeful life that's providing value to people. And that was a gift she gave. And so I don't know the more that we can normalize this stuff, especially among folks. And I say men in particular, but all people, but especially men who have reached the highest levels.
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I did not realize the full scale to which that would actually be working. And then probably the other side of it is just how important creating that sense of why for people is. I remember reading the book Bowling Alone, which talked a lot about a generation of adults who used to be a part of bowling leagues and these other things, but you saw this decline.
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I want that 18 year old or that 16 year old, that 12 year old to be watching or looking and going like, Hey, all right. These guys are talking about stuff that feels like it has substance, it has meaning, it has purpose. And they're still the ass kickers in the day job, whatever it is across the industry. Like these things are not mutually exclusive.
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And I just, I want to see more of those voices like yours get amplified because it's, I think it's very, very important.
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That is at the crux of, of I think every conversation we ultimately have as a couple, which is, It's funny, I'm very obviously high tech. She's very low tech. Sometimes it literally comes down to calendaring and making sure, like if I had my druthers, it would all be digital. I finally got Serena to modernize a little bit.
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And now we have a giant, like a dry erase board calendar that sits at the dinner table. where she'll put in her schedule and then I have to go and usually I'll take a photo of it to send to my admins and then we'll write in mail. But at least we have one shared space where we know like, okay, Papa's out of town for this business trip. Mama's going to do this thing. And It is the hardest thing.
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It is explicitly creating date nights. I mean, it's funny. It's the same tactics that you'd hear any couple talking about with a therapist about like, Hey, what are the ways to keep the relationship going, the romance, all that stuff. And it, it is definitely amplified in all kinds of ways with a higher profile relationship.
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But the other reality is, so Serena has been working since she was a kid and right? Like tennis was not, I mean, it is a sport, but like, it's a job, right? The amount of hours she was putting in the responsibility, as soon as she started like playing, like playing, playing was tremendous responsibility.
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So, you know, I'm married to someone who has been working for 35, 36 years and who had a childhood. And I think Serena would say like, was a great childhood, not a normal childhood, but she, Now she's evolved her word into, you know, she's still got businesses, just launched this beauty brand when shameless plug, a great brand. And, and so she's still doing business things.
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She's investing, but she also loves, I mean, she's her class. She's the classroom mom for Olympia. She gets to spend so much of her time now, uh, being an active and super engaged mom for her kids.
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And I can't help, and I've told her this too, can't help but feel like this is a chance for her to, she's on the other side of it now, but to live that life that she didn't really have, which was, you know, where your number one job as a kid is just to go to school, learn things, hang out with your friends. And who knows if Olympia keeps going with the tennis or the golf, we'll see.
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But she's relishing that opportunity. And so that helps me a ton because, right, that's – ironically, that's the thing that I grew up with, the boring, typical suburban lifestyle that most people in my position, myself included, will spend a lot of their lives trying to maybe not get or run away from because they want something else.
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And people, in this case, it was men, but in general, people needing to find more and more of that connective tissue in their community and not having that sense of belonging. And I feel like in a lot of ways, the internet has created great versions of it. But at the same time, it's also created these
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And yet here she is having gone to the top of the mountain, achieved everything, and that's actually the thing she loves most. And so – How we make it work, it's the banal stuff. It's making sure we prioritize. It's trying to figure out and also decoding the differences. Obviously, we're an interracial relationship. I don't think that'll surprise anyone. And as a white dude...
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married to a black woman, you have a societal gulf, right? Between us in terms of the ways we've experienced our lives, right? In the American hierarchy of things, like, you know, we have very different lived experiences. You just set aside, obviously, the fame, notoriety, queer stuff.
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But like, even if we just operated this life as two random people with our makeups, we'd have very different points of view, experiences, all that stuff. And it's probably the
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hardest and best element to the relationship where like the table stakes are we love each other we've made two incredible humans together we will do anything i mean believe me the two she i she jokes that i'm like the psychopathic dad like there's an armenian dad meme in here by the way like we're very protective of our kids but she's super mama so like we have things that we care so so deeply about that we know we're on the same team for and
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And so it's probably the best way of all the ways to be checked on like a blind spot, let's say. It's best to have it come from someone who you know cares so much. And that's where the growth happens. That's the tension.
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And so like if I say something or do something, and again, nothing crazy here, but like if I say something or do something and she's able to shine a light on and be like, hey, did you notice, blah, blah, blah, or hey, this is like – bringing up these things to help me have better awareness because look, I got two black daughters. I want to make sure I'm showing up the best way I can for them.
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It helps because I still feel that pain. Cause I'm like, I'm not a racist. I'm not a bad person. But then you sit with it for a second. You're like, okay, just hear, hear this feedback. Right. And, and it reminds me, it's just like going to the gym.
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know the sort of dystopian versions of it where you can spend all of that time absorbed in a world that is online and miss out i think we have a generation of young people who i'm generalizing here but a lot of whom don't have the same muscle that they've they have not exercised the same muscles that we had growing up when it comes to relating and connecting to their fellow humans sitting across from them and you know as the father of two kids it's something i think about a lot
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You're pushing some weight and you're trying to get to that next level and it's going to hurt because that's where the muscles tear, but that's where it grows back stronger. And so I feel the same way when I take that, I'm like, ah, okay, fight the impulse. Don't be defensive and just listen and hear and try to understand. And, and I will say though, it's,
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and I've talked to other folks in interracial relationships, it is definitely, there's a dynamic there that creates new challenges, or even I think any cross-cultural relationship creates those challenges, I bet. I don't know if I was, I guess I'm a weird mid-Atlantic guy, but the difference between me and even a white person from Appalachia is going to have those cultural challenges, right?
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But across those lines, that's where you get again, or with a relationship built on love, you get this opportunity to say, okay, like, let me try to learn and try to be a little better that I think helps. But like I said, it's probably the worst part is...
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the dynamic there's a reason we live in the middle of nowhere florida like i love being here in la but like i think we live in such a weird culture that you know the celebritization of things is just it's different and and one of the things that we always wanted for our girls is for them to have i mean they're not going to have a normal life but to not be living in it and and to have the ability to do that from
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you know, sort of the middle of nowhere Florida has been probably the biggest secret weapon.
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You know, the challenge I had in previous relationships, the general theme was... I knew I was super ambitious. I was very upfront about it. But it still doesn't really land until three months in, six months in, nine months in, and you realize, oh, this guy is not going to change. And it seems like a fun thing for a little bit. And then at a certain amount, like eventually push comes to shove.
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And there's a gap because they – Didn't get it. And, and I, again, I, I don't think that's a right or wrong here, but it's a, it's an incompatibility. And part of what attracted me so much to Serena was the fact that I knew we would never have this conversation about like, well, why do you have to do this thing? Or why is this so important?
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Or like, why, what do you mean you have to get this done tonight? Like that could never happen because of everything she had to do in order to achieve the heights that she had gotten to. And so that to me was already very appealing because I was like, okay, this is table stakes. I have found someone who has clearly even more ambition than me, who has achieved so much. And in a way, so...
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I don't know if I'd say the same thing if I were an athlete. I think that might've been harder. But to be with someone like Serena, right? That's like literally one word. Like you don't even need to say her full name. It is tremendously liberating Because I know, and also because of who we are and where we come from, Jay, there is literally nothing I could do.
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I could, one day, God willing, I will be a billionaire. I will never run for president. But let's say I could be a billionaire who runs for president, and I'll still be Serena Williams' husband or Serena's husband, right? I could be an astronaut. It doesn't matter. It literally does not matter. And part of that is a testament to where she started.
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Where she got what she did all those doors that she opened all those things and so in a way it's kind of liberating as a super ambitious person especially in a society where like it's a meme just to literally say oh that guy is comfortable being called Serena Williams husband. Now, candidly, if we live in an ideal world, no one is anyone's anyone, right?
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But I do appreciate, I understand why the internet finds that really exciting and interesting. But the bigger story here is the fact that if you have this kind of partnership you're talking about, you're able to let one another flourish at those things at that time when they're ready. And maybe I didn't see it.
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Maybe I missed out on some great relationships earlier because it wasn't there at that time. But At the end of the day, one of the best parts, you know, dating Serena while she was winning Grand Slam after Grand Slams, breaking every record, doing all this stuff with Olympia in her belly. I might add, you know, the pinnacle of sports excellence.
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And then also seeing her now, like, making cinnamon rolls for the second grade class. Like, both of those things bring me so much joy. And frankly... I love seeing the latter more because it doesn't come with all the baggage of being the public persona. They just have to endure doing that job. And I know she doesn't miss it at all for those same reasons.
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Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Uh, and I think that's, I don't know, that's been why it's just, I don't know, been a, been an easy transition for her. Uh, and, and frankly been a lot of fun to see this, this evolution for me. How did you meet? Six months into the Reddit turnaround, uh, I was burnt out, and my head of comms said I needed to go. She was like, go to Italy. And I was like, what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I've already had these conversations with Olympia and she just turned seven. And I try generally, I think my wife and I both, we try not to talk about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And she was like, there was a speaking gig that wanted me there. And I was like, sure. I was like, wait, no, but this is a boondoggle. There's no point. We're not ready to win over marketers. She's like, just do it, please. You need a day or two. Just go. I was like, all right, fine. I go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I flake out on the conference that first day, and I just find a cafe, and I started doodling, working on some sketches for product stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
i meet up with a friend of a friend very random they just walked in and they're like hey can we use the table i'm like sure we'll get some drinks we're out that night until like three in the morning and i get home hungover the next morning i need coffee addicted go downstairs they say sir breakfast is over but if you want coffee you can go sit by the pool i go sit by the pool i take out my laptop and there's a table next to me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
There's an Australian guy at the table who tells me to move. He says, there's a rat at the table. I say, I'm not afraid of rats. I'm from Brooklyn. I see rats all the time. He's like, I might. There's a rat. You better leave. And I was like, no, thank you. I'm good. And I was just working. And then the lady next to him turns around. It's Serena. And she's like, oh, you're not afraid of rats.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I'm like, no, I'm not. If you don't bother them, they won't bother you. And she's like, oh, are you here for the tech conference? And I was like, I am. She's like, are you here to see someone speak in particular? I said, no, I'm speaking. She was like, oh. She's like, what's your company? I was like, Reddit. And she lied. She was like, oh yeah, Reddit. She'd never heard of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And we started talking and she said, listen, The rest of my team was going to use this table. So can you just move when they get here? And I said, no, but they can join me. And well, I'll just have breakfast. And so we exchanged numbers. And I saw her play later that night in Rome. And that was the start of it all. So it's breakfast at a hotel, the Cavalieri in Rome.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
down to our kids like i really will explain a concept not like i would explain it to another 41 year old but at least like i i want her to to ask that follow-up question of like well what is that or why or how or so i you know and we've had versions of this conversation
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Great breakfast, wonderful truffle omelet. If you want to get the Alexis special, it's the truffle omelet. It's a great, great omelet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
she does not understand the internet i mean do i does anyone but there have been little glimpses that i have given her into it um but very very very tightly controlled really the only time she's ever online
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
With our kids, it's the cliche. You want them to be happy, productive members of society. I'd say the other wrinkle I'll put on there, and I tell Olympia this all the time, and I will tell Adira. Again, she's just one. She's doing her best.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
She's an active kid. Yes, at six.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But whatever they want to do, I have zero tolerance. I should say we have zero tolerance for them not trying their absolute best. Again, I know that seems cliche. Like I don't even let Olympia say can't. We'll see how long that lasts. But I will not let her say can't. If she says can't, I'm like... What was that? We don't say that word.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Because I don't even want her uttering that she can't do a thing. Like, you can choose not to do it, but we don't say that word. And I try to reiterate to her, I want her to love the act of trying things. We used to do, there's a YouTube channel, there's a few actually, that'll do these drawing classes. And I'm pretty good drawing. I made the Reddit logo, Snoo. I draw pancakes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
right now at seven is playing roblox which she will do either with me and her mom or some friends from school she knows the internet basically as this this basically roblox yeah and a place where she has fun and runs around and that's it but that's the extent of interacting with folks i would like to put off social media now yes
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And during COVID, I was like, hey, we're going to do drawing class. Pop can do art class. I can do math and English, but art's more fun. So we're going to do art classes together. And, you know, early on, she'd be like, wow, Papa, you're really good at drawing. And I'm like, do you think I was born this way? And she was like, maybe. And I was like, no, it's like Papa practiced. Papa drew a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I want even for mundane things like, hey, we're drawing Princess Peach. I desperately want her to take only one thing away, which is even the stuff you think your Papa is great at. He sucked at when he started. Even the things your mama is great at, maybe she didn't suck at when she started. But, like, she had to learn. She was bad. She had to get better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You might have some natural inclinations here and there for different stuff. But I want to see her get comfortable with failing and struggling and then improving. Getting her into golf has been open. I had never played golf. But Uncle Tiger gave me some clubs for her. So I was like, Olympia, you got to play golf now. And we go to lessons every Sunday.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And that actually has been a great sport for humbling and for getting her comfortable with the process because it's such a brutally hard sport.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And you have to get comfortable with failure and messing up. And she'll still, it's funny, she'll whack it 100 yards. I'll be so proud of her. And then she'll totally whiff on a ball. And once she got so upset, she almost pulled the Serena. She pulled the club up and was about to smash it. I was like, Olympia. just casually put the thing down. I was like, Oh, you got that Serena in you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But you see that and you see she's, she's got that tenacity and she is so hard on herself when she doesn't get it right. But I need her to sit in that and soak that up and get okay with it so that whatever she does, again, if she, it changes every week, veterinarian, fashion designer, right now she wants to be a singer. I'm like, I don't care what it is. You just need to know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I'll like, you want, you love that Beyonce video. Yeah. How many hours do you think Beyonce spent rehearsing the dance moves, rehearsing that song, singing over and over and over and over? Like, do not get seduced. And it's crazy. I... I don't know. I did not have anyone like sit me down and tell me that that explicitly and maybe it just ruins – maybe it just ruins life. We'll see.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But I need her to know anytime she sees excellence, the only reason she's seeing is because of countless, countless hours of trying and failing and practicing that led up to it that no one saw, that no one cared about. And with her mom as an example, she's got the goat of a role model and she does do tennis now twice a week. I think – I mean, she's got some good athletic genes, let's be honest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
No, but she might – I don't know. If she plays sports, the good news is her mom will be able to have a conversation with her early on about just what it's going to take. And if she wants to do it, God bless, we'll support her. But I'm not worried – It's weird. This is not a thing. Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
When I was a kid, I used to be pretty, I don't want to say anti-rich people, but like I distinctly remember going to UVA and I went to some good public schools in Howard County, Maryland. Like they were fine. They were solid. But I got to, I played football with kids who had free lunches and kids whose parents were lawyers. So I got exposed to a pretty decent range of kids, which was great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
kids have social media accounts it's run by us you know now that she's at an age of consent uh it's basically just like you know we're quite rarely putting photos up and it's only because she's like oh yeah you can you know post this up but the understanding of it is social media is something that i i for as long as possible would like to put off uh simply because this just isn't
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And then I got to UVA and I finally met like rich people. And I was so excited because I was like, these kids are so soft. I was like, this is going to be great. This is my competition. This is phenomenal. And it tracked. But now I'm on the other end. And I'm not trying to snuff for sympathy here. But I am much more appreciative of the challenges that wealthier families have
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
making sure their kids have, have it, have that grit, have that, whatever you want to call it. And so that's something we're acutely aware of and mindful of and hoping for. And like, I, like I said, I want Olympia to work either. It's gotta be either a retail job or food service, like some kind of service job for sure. Like high school, like it's good enough for Papa. It's good enough for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Like I need you to experience these moments and feel like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
some kind of connection like you're gonna have you're gonna be fine right but i need you to be a productive member of society i need you to be a good person i need you to know the value of a hard day's work and and like i said it's a weird thing to navigate obviously serena doesn't have any kind of uh equipment for that uh and and everything her parents put up with in order to give her that life like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It's a wild perspective, but it's something we actually think about and talk about quite a bit. And the good news is, at least Olympia, Adira, Adira's fun too. They're tracking to be good humans, which I feel like is number one. And that if they can be good humans who are also productive members of society, I feel like we're living the dream.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But there is that part of me that just thinks you want... You want to create just enough of that strife to create that resilience and that ability to thrive. And it's so ironic because if you look at so many of the stories of excellence, there's always some version, there's some part, there's something that happens that creates it. And it's usually strife.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And so it's like, on the one hand, you don't want to like, part of the reason you did the thing was so that your kid wouldn't have to endure the thing. And yet you still find yourself saying, God, I just kind of wish they would have to endure some of that strife.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But it's that, I mean, like that's, to me, that's actually been one of the most satisfying parts of fatherhood is, is seeing your kid fail and, and then seeing your kid get it right, I get so much, there's so much more of a high from that than seeing my kid get it right the first time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I really enjoy, and I'm not sadistic, like it just feels so much more satisfying because you're like, okay, that actually feels like a moment where you, there's some part of you that just like a synapse fired and some line, some dot in your mind connected with this other dot where it's like, okay, I figured it out. I couldn't do it before, I can do it now. And it could be,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
right now it's it's like multiplication and it's just being able to start to see those dots really connect that i just i love it's very satisfying it's like a pokemon uh evolving in front of your eyes i love it alexis it's been such a joy honestly this has been amazing just learnings from you from whether it's tech to ai to fatherhood to brotherhood to love this is great this is great
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Be useful. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger quote. Sorry, Arnold.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Oh, I didn't take it. Do I have to have taken it? No. Paul Graham told me to get rid of the Reddit alien and change the name to Octopop. And I said, no, I'm keeping SNHU, and I'm going to keep calling it Reddit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I think we have gotten so good at creating those feedback loops that bring people back and plenty of people have written about this and talked about this. And this was one area where not intentionally, but Reddit was designed differently because it wasn't about real name and it wasn't about real photos and it wasn't about, hey, follow me, let me collect likes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It worked out. Octopop, would you all be using Octopop right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And he wanted to change the alien to an octopus. I'm like, Paul, come on. We're not doing that. Brilliant guy, just not great with the branding.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Aside from listening to my podcast, the good news is there are more avenues than ever because there are more and more people talking about this than ever. What book are we reading tonight? Like, what are you most excited about? And then when I'm on the clock for weekends in particular, I really try to lock in. And so it can be whatever you need to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Obviously, your family is going to have different prescriptions, but create those traditions, create those routines. And that's one thing I would give advice to myself at 20 about over again. When I had more free time, when I had more youthful vigor, if I had more discipline, I would have been 10 times more productive. And it shows up in sneaky ways. If
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
if I had gone to bed at midnight because I knew like my, I was the diminishing marginal returns of my productivity were falling off a cliff and just gone to bed, slept for seven hours, eight hours, and then woken up and done the thing, I would have done it in 20 minutes instead of staying awake for another two and a half hours. Like, no, that's not actually the best use of your time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And, and discipline is freedom. And I never would have believed that in my twenties or even in my early 30s, but becoming a parent, that's the only way I'm able to do these things. And that's not to say I'm perfect, but if you can incorporate ritual routine, even before you have kids, you're going to be even better at what you're building.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And then once you have kids, it's kind of the only way to do it, frankly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
My current purpose is... enabling a whole nother generation of entrepreneurs to do even bigger and better things than I did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I mean, look, it's also, you sleep a lot better at night because it's not your ass on the line for every one of those companies too. So it's a blessed position to be in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Okay, this one, I cheated and I wanted to have one prepared. That would have been a good idea, yeah. But I think the best thing I came back with was a joke. which was everyone should be able to experience the joy of making someone they truly love happy. You talked about this earlier. Again, it's not really a practical law. No, I like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
But I have never felt more satisfied or happy or richer or taller. I've never felt more any positive feeling you could feel than when I get the unsolicited love i love you papa hug from my daughter and and again it doesn't have to be your daughter could be anyone but like those moments for me are like black tar heroin i am addicted to it and and so when i think back
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It was about, hey, we all like this community, let's share things about it that we care about. But generally speaking, it's still a black box and I'd like to keep it as much as possible. We even had that initial conversation of why it's so important, you know, to only be playing Roblox with Papa and Mama.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Hopefully, as an old man one day, and I think about what are the things that really, really made me so incredibly happy, it's going to come back to those moments. And so I wish that for everyone as often as humanly possible. And the irony is it usually doesn't cost any money. It means time. It means intentionality. It means other humans.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And we're going to keep getting really good at making artificial intelligence. And I don't want that to scare folks. Because I hope, I really, really hope and want to believe it gives us more time for the human communing that far few of us or not enough of us have a chance to do often enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
So I don't know, if you're breaking bread with people you love, like I said, these are all the things, going to a sporting event, going to an Angel City match. You're enjoying these moments of humanity with people you care about and make an effort to tell those people, especially men out there, dudes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
normalize telling the men in your life that you love them, whether that's your father, your brother, your best friend, you don't have to go buy a billboard. You can, if you want up to you, but like normalize having that conversation. You will not regret it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Thank you, Jay. This was awesome, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, brother.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
If we're playing with anyone, if we're talking to anyone, it's only the people, like the three people who we know. And it's this balance where I don't...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
My take is I want to expose her to just enough that she can start to build that resilience or at least start to understand like, well, this is why you don't talk to random people on the Internet while still trying to preserve some amount of innocence, which is just such an awesome part of childhood. But at the same time, making sure she's steeled for the reality of what the world is like. But.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Probably my favorite application of the internet is every night I'll ask her a big question, and some nights she really doesn't want to, she doesn't have one. And so she'll just look at something on the table and be like, okay, where does salt come from, Papa? And I'll be like, okay, I see what you did. You just looked at the salt on the table, but that's fine. We'll find out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And we'll ask AI, usually chat GPT, and fire it up and engage in this dialogue, which probably would have been a Google query a few years ago, but now is way more interesting and engaging. And I want her to know like, hey, you will have access to these tools that your papa could have only dreamed of as a kid, that your grandpa, your great grandpa could have never even imagined.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
They would have thought they were wizards. And I want you to know this is a tool. This is a resource for you to use to help you exercise. It's a bicycle of the mind, right? And it's a tool, it's not an end all be all, but it's a tool for you to use that can provide tremendous value for you. When papa doesn't know like what temperature he needs to take the ribs off the smoker,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Like he's asking this because he's looking for a solution for an answer. But whether you're curious about salt or you need some help cooking or you're just curious about the world, like I want her to start thinking of the internet as a resource, but not this, you know, end all be all for learning and for solving problems. But we'll see. Hey, I'm early in the game. I don't know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You have to check back in with me in a decade or two to see if I did okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
When I got the Encarta, so we didn't have the books, but when I got the Encarta CD-ROM, oh my God. Yeah, it was amazing. Oh my God. And they had a few videos on that too. So you could watch, you know, you're watching like a lion across the Savannah and you're just like, this is amazing. Yeah. It's incredible. And I like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Here's the one thing I'm sure of, because I do get asked this question a lot about like, what should my parents of college age kids or even college kids themselves, what should I be learning? What should I be studying right now? 10 years ago, I literally went across the country. I went to 82 universities for that book talking about the importance of learning how to program. So sorry, everyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It turns out that's not as important anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
mean for the time i thought it was actually directly it was pretty good advice and actually a number of the folks you know like the founder of deal which is now a billion dollar company was there in the audience for one of those talks you know today the advice i would give is a little more nuanced because learning to program is is still going to be important in the same way that learning to speak a language or doing basic arithmetic is important but
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
The more comfortable you can be in the discomfort of constant change, the better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
the tools we will have at our disposal to literally write code are going to be so formidable. Like, I mean, even the improvement the last couple of years are good, but in the next few years, it'll, it's not the profession. The person is not going to go away, but the amount of output you'll get out of a one person is so much greater.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And so my thinking is, all right, there's lots of different areas where AI may not necessarily replace human work, but is going to be an amazing superpower. And so what do I want for my kid or even for anyone's kid who's entering a workforce is probably to –