Alison Fagan

speaker

593 appearances 3 recordings 1 series first heard May 2026 last heard 19 Jul

Alison Fagan’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 2.

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Alive and Kicking with Clare McKenna · The top three reasons why couples fight · 19 Jul 2026 podcast

not a fixed thing.

Okay.

So yes, we have go to, we have default patterns, absolutely, but that doesn't mean that they can't be uh relearned.

And it requires a a thing called relational mindfulness, which probably sounds like a bit of psychobabble, but really it requires you to slow down

And to become curious about the other person's perspective rather than being so fixed to your own narrative.

So if you choose the correct time to have the conversation, and even though you might be considered a bit of a hothead and your other half is considered the more silent type, I think it's all to do with your nervous system.

And so if you approach the conflict from an empathic way, rather than, as I say, the blame and the shame, the person may

Maybe who is more prone to being hot headed, isn't up in the nervous system, isn't in fight or flight, and isn't ready to defend, they're ready to listen.

And the person who is more the silent type, maybe it can have the space to speak, to think.

Maybe in the cut and thrust of an argument they shut down, they can't formulate their thoughts, and so they're accused of maybe stonewalling or withdrawing or not communicating or being cold.

But sometimes it's to do in fact very often, it's to do with your nervous system and how you respond in conflict.

And so responding in fight and flight um is never gonna get you very far.

I mean there is an old saying, you can be right or you can be married.

And so very often, what would you rather be?

Do you want to continue the fight, continue your stance, or do you want to reconcile and repair and make things good again?

Like a relationship is not a courtroom.

Actually the facts are not important.

It's about how you feel in response to the situation.

And so just because you um get accused of arriving late and you arrive thirty minutes late

And actually it's not thirty minutes, it's only twenty five minutes.

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