Charles Duhigg

Some of them we don't even register because they're things like, huh, what'd you say next?

What'd you think of that?

But in asking those questions, they allow us to explain who we are.

And then they set it up so that they can explain who they are.

And that's where connection comes from.

Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely.

I mean...

don't have to have conversations all the time right look and that's a that's an important part of this is deciding when you want to have a conversation and when when i turn to my kids and i say i'd like to have a conversation about your rooms i'm not actually asking for a conversation about their rooms right i want to tell them that they need to go clean their rooms and i think that that's important is deciding when we want to have these conversations

One of the stories in the book is about this CIA officer who joined the CIA and he was just terrible, terrible at recruiting overseas spies.

And that was his job.

So he gets sent to Europe after trying to get into the CIA for years.

And he's basically going to get fired because he does such a bad job of this.

And then eventually he meets this young woman who is on vacation.

She works for the foreign ministry in her government back in the Middle East.

And he gets to know her and they become friends.

And eventually he says, I'm with the CIA.

Would you come work for us?

And she just panics.

She says, I can't believe, no, they kill people in my country for that.