Dr. Alok Kanojia

And then you'll become dependent on the avoidance strategy, which is why a lot of people who go to parties and feel socially anxious end up on their phones the whole time. I feel anxious. Let me pull out my phone. This makes me feel a little bit better. And then you're like, why am I even here? And no one's ever talking to you because you're on your phone the whole time.

And then you'll become dependent on the avoidance strategy, which is why a lot of people who go to parties and feel socially anxious end up on their phones the whole time. I feel anxious. Let me pull out my phone. This makes me feel a little bit better. And then you're like, why am I even here? And no one's ever talking to you because you're on your phone the whole time.

And then you'll become dependent on the avoidance strategy, which is why a lot of people who go to parties and feel socially anxious end up on their phones the whole time. I feel anxious. Let me pull out my phone. This makes me feel a little bit better. And then you're like, why am I even here? And no one's ever talking to you because you're on your phone the whole time.

And like, it becomes like a vicious cycle. It's interesting.

And like, it becomes like a vicious cycle. It's interesting.

And like, it becomes like a vicious cycle. It's interesting.

Yeah. So, okay. So great question, but we got to like go back a couple of layers to understand this. Okay. So the first is that if you look at change, most human beings are conflicted about change. So I want to go to the gym and work out, but I also want to binge watch my favorite show. And so it's really interesting because what we really try to do is conquer ourselves and

Yeah. So, okay. So great question, but we got to like go back a couple of layers to understand this. Okay. So the first is that if you look at change, most human beings are conflicted about change. So I want to go to the gym and work out, but I also want to binge watch my favorite show. And so it's really interesting because what we really try to do is conquer ourselves and

Yeah. So, okay. So great question, but we got to like go back a couple of layers to understand this. Okay. So the first is that if you look at change, most human beings are conflicted about change. So I want to go to the gym and work out, but I also want to binge watch my favorite show. And so it's really interesting because what we really try to do is conquer ourselves and

But you can't conquer yourself. Who's doing the conquering and who's being conquered? So if I conquer my desire, I get really good at overcoming my desires. That's also strengthening my ability to overcome my desire to go to the gym. So it's kind of weird, right? It's weird. It sort of doesn't work. Conquering yourself basically doesn't work.

But you can't conquer yourself. Who's doing the conquering and who's being conquered? So if I conquer my desire, I get really good at overcoming my desires. That's also strengthening my ability to overcome my desire to go to the gym. So it's kind of weird, right? It's weird. It sort of doesn't work. Conquering yourself basically doesn't work.

But you can't conquer yourself. Who's doing the conquering and who's being conquered? So if I conquer my desire, I get really good at overcoming my desires. That's also strengthening my ability to overcome my desire to go to the gym. So it's kind of weird, right? It's weird. It sort of doesn't work. Conquering yourself basically doesn't work.

Sometimes it works and sometimes people are pretty lucky with it and things like that. But a lot of people really struggle and they do want to change, but they also don't want to change. And then a lot of times what happens is it's not that we actually want to change. It's that we know we should change.

Sometimes it works and sometimes people are pretty lucky with it and things like that. But a lot of people really struggle and they do want to change, but they also don't want to change. And then a lot of times what happens is it's not that we actually want to change. It's that we know we should change.

Sometimes it works and sometimes people are pretty lucky with it and things like that. But a lot of people really struggle and they do want to change, but they also don't want to change. And then a lot of times what happens is it's not that we actually want to change. It's that we know we should change.

Now, this is really important to understand because should in the brain does not lead to motivation. So generally speaking, if we look at the concept of should, where does it come from in the brain? It comes from our social emotional circuitry. So if we look at should, when I do things that I should do, what I avoid is a feeling of shame. What I avoid is a feeling of guilt.

Now, this is really important to understand because should in the brain does not lead to motivation. So generally speaking, if we look at the concept of should, where does it come from in the brain? It comes from our social emotional circuitry. So if we look at should, when I do things that I should do, what I avoid is a feeling of shame. What I avoid is a feeling of guilt.

Now, this is really important to understand because should in the brain does not lead to motivation. So generally speaking, if we look at the concept of should, where does it come from in the brain? It comes from our social emotional circuitry. So if we look at should, when I do things that I should do, what I avoid is a feeling of shame. What I avoid is a feeling of guilt.

What I gain is a feeling of pride, potentially, right? When I do what I should do. The driver for shoulds is our relationship to like other human beings, which is why if there's something you should do in life and no one is watching, you'll never do it. Because literally should comes from where does should come from?

What I gain is a feeling of pride, potentially, right? When I do what I should do. The driver for shoulds is our relationship to like other human beings, which is why if there's something you should do in life and no one is watching, you'll never do it. Because literally should comes from where does should come from?