Dr. Marisa G. Franco
speaker
586 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jul 2026
last heard 15 Jul
Dr. Marisa G. Franco’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.
Appearances
We tend to be more withdrawn.
We're making people feel rejected and then they can end up rejecting us back.
And so we can get caught in these cycles and it can be really hard to get out of, again, because some of the defense mechanisms that come up around betrayal can keep us from finding new connections that might give us a new experience where you feel more safe.
So the goal is not to forever be suspicious of everybody and keep everyone at arm's distance, but rather to get back to the innocence that you had earlier and recognize that the potential for harm is just a part of life that all of us are going to face at some point, harm in our most intimate connections, rather than constantly bracing against it.
How can societal invalidation regarding friendship betrayal affect the way survivors heal?
I can't help but think about Ciara and some people are just like, get over it, invalidating.
And it's just like, how can you not see how painful this is?
Exactly.
It can absolutely complicate the experience of grief.
And what I see in like friendship betrayals, friendship hurts in particular, is that people really carry it around for so long.
And sometimes I think healing from a romantic relationship can feel like an acute experience of torture.
Whereas the friendship pain feels like 10 years later and you still can't think about that friend or it still feels like such a sore spot.
And I think that's really a reflection of the level of invalidation that if people can't validate this as a hurt, we have a lot of trouble validating it internally as a hurt.
It could also create what's called a sense of ambiguous loss, which is when we feel like the person isn't there physically, but is still there psychologically with us.
We're still thinking about it.
We're still ruminating on it.
It's still shaping how we show up in friendship.
And that also makes grief a little bit hard to process.
If someone has experienced betrayal or going back to like traumatic childhood or has experienced harm that is influencing our attachment, what are some powerful first steps towards healing that folks can take?
James Hillman, who's the psychologist who writes about betrayal that I mentioned before, he says that forgiveness is hurt in context.
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