Dr. Nicholas Epley

speaker

1,223 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jul 2026 last heard 15 Jul

Dr. Nicholas Epley’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.

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The Liz Moody Podcast · The One Habit That Will Instantly Make You More Likeable · 15 Jul 2026 podcast

I think though, I mean, based on our work, mutual self-disclosure is what really creates meaningful conversation.

And when you start sharing things about yourself with somebody else,

that's likely to prompt them to start asking you questions, more questions.

So I think that's probably the margin you have for improvement.

That said, in these dating setups that you're thinking about, often you're trying to figure out things about the other person.

And people do take others' behavior as a sign of things.

And if they're not asking questions about you, if they're not acting like they are interested in you, well, that's

That's maybe a good sign.

Yeah, the last one.

The last one is that once we have kind of pessimism instilled from misplaced perspectives and also failing to appreciate the power of reciprocity and responsiveness in conversation, some of our beliefs can then be self-fulfilling.

Pessimism in particular is self-fulfilling because those beliefs...

tend to keep you from reaching out and engaging with other people in ways that keep you from getting the data you would actually need to calibrate your expectations.

If I think talking to you, Liz, would be unpleasant on a train, or you sit down next to me on my flight back to Chicago here from San Francisco, and I think talking to you would be unpleasant, or you put in your earbuds and I assume you don't want to talk, I won't try.

And I won't find out I might be wrong.

Optimism gets calibrated.

Because I'll try and I'll find out, right?

Anything that encourages approach and experience will calibrate your beliefs.

But anything that creates avoidance creates what my former colleague at Booth, Robin Hogarth, called a wicked or an unkind learning environment where the feedback that you get isn't actually an accurate reflection of reality.

If I sit down next to somebody I believe that they're not going to be fun to talk to, I might not try and then I might never find out I'm wrong.

So the way to do it is to make it a habit, right?

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