Dr. Orna Guralnik

to be in a better place themselves, like a wish to have like a more benevolent attitude, if they're really kind of glued into vindictiveness, then it seems a little hopeless.

But most people don't want to stay in that space.

Yeah, there's probably a self-selection.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think one of the issues that I work with my patients on when they're in that kind of phase of dating.

people often come into it either with this idea that the purpose of the date is for them to perform something, to perform sort of the set of attributes that will make them gameable.

And they don't go into it actually trying to get a sense of what they're feeling and what their experience is with the other person.

You know,

To me, what people should be doing when they're dating is seeing what the chemistry is like.

What's the interaction actually like?

And bring their best self, their true self, and try to sense what it's like for their particular self to be different.

spending time with that particular person, meaning to look for something that is quite authentic.

I mean, it's hard when you don't know someone, but to try to really get a sense of what's truly going on rather than putting like a set of attributes or seeking a set of attributes in another, right?

To try to be authentic.

It could be really anything.

It could be anything like anything from like, you know, you started our interview with like, what's today like for you?

That's a great question to ask.

I mean, it could go anywhere.

Tell me about your day.