Elizabeth Shaw

speaker

1,154 appearances 11 recordings 1 series first heard Nov 2016 last heard Sep 2021

Elizabeth Shaw’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Hook Up · Dealing with rejection · 3 Feb 2017 podcast

You know, we tend to, hopefully that comes with the package, but we tend to focus on the other as being the source of our good feelings. voice-verified

Um, and so therefore when they go, there is a sense, well, they've gone and they've taken my best parts with me, with them and, um, leaving me as a shell, you know, so there's that sense of, um, uh, well, if they no longer want me, then maybe I'm not wantable or wanted, um, or worthy, um, which is actually a very serious place to go. voice-verified

And hopefully most people recover quickly with the good friends and support from other people, but you can stay there for a long time sometimes. voice-verified

Well, look, it's a combination of things. voice-verified

Sometimes because the other is caught up in not wanting to be mean or let you down and they just hope you get the hint, they're actually not that clear. voice-verified

And there are some people who say, look, I want to break up with you, but I'd like to keep sleeping with you, for example, or I'd like to see you regularly. voice-verified

And that could be, you know, a nice thing for some people or a kindness or, you know, the let's be friends thing. voice-verified

to the person who still wants the relationship, if they dive into that so-called friendship, it can also keep things going. voice-verified

And because a relationship comprises friendship, you know, and love and sex, if the friendship keeps going when one is still very much in love, those lines get blurred again very quickly, coming to often another question of, we're getting on so well, are voice-verified

sure we have to break up? voice-verified

And then there's another cycle. voice-verified

So sometimes it's voice-verified

it's because the terms of the relationship are not that clear. voice-verified

The mixed messages are there. voice-verified

And hope drives us to do foolish things. voice-verified

Look, certainly we can set ourselves up to fail. voice-verified

And I also think bad experiences that are unprocessed can influence our own behavior. voice-verified

So you break up with someone, you feel terrible. voice-verified

but you dive right into the next relationship and all that hurt is there. voice-verified

Sometimes then when you want to break up, some of the old maps of how to go about it just sort of burst forth. voice-verified

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