James Sexton

Like anytime I was going to see her, I'd be like, oh shit, I'm going to shave.

I would go and like shave.

And then I'd be like, oh yeah, I just shaved because you were coming over.

She'd be like, oh, I love it.

They both needed the same thing, but one of them parsed it as a positive, as a point of connection, as here's a way you can turn me on, here's a way you can make me happy that's so easy, as opposed to a criticism.

And think about all the things in your relationships

not even just romantic relationships, in your interpersonal relationships, if you're a manager, in your employee relationships, all the ways you can leverage the human desire for praise, connection, love, affection, rather than beating the crap out of people and criticizing them and making them feel disconnected from you and making them feel unloved by you and disconnected from you.

It's death by a thousand paper cuts.

And you know what's funny about it, too, is...

we not only excuse it, we almost kind of encourage it.

Like I've seen couples when they're out with like other couples and they just start like taking the piss out of each other.

Like, oh, well, he always does that.

No, I don't.

Okay.

You know?

And you're like, dude, like not only if you were alone, that'd still be a problem.

but now we're doing it with an audience?

And by the way, do you think I'm looking at you guys as a couple now and going, oh, that's good.

We've got something good going on there.

I look at that and I'm like, wow, are you guys okay?