Jason Meno
speaker
219 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Oct 2024
last heard Oct 2024
Jason Meno’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I'll be your co-therapist.
Okay, sure. So let's say you did fail your test. Why is that upsetting to you? What does that mean to you? Well, then I'll fail the class. And let's say you do fail that class. That would be a pretty terrible thing, but I'm wondering why is that so upsetting? What does that mean to you if you failed that class? Well, then I won't be able to get a good job.
And if you didn't get a good job, what would that mean?
Yeah, so you said one of your fears here of if you fail that class, then you won't be able to get a good job or get a good job at all or you might lose a job. And I'm wondering why is that upsetting and what does that mean to you if that happened?
And if that's true, it would be terrible. I mean, jobs are very important in our lives. But I'm wondering why would that be upsetting? What does that mean to you if you could never get a good job?
I see. Yeah. So that sounds like... So that belief that if I can't get a good job, then I'm a failure at everything. Would we call that the self-sustaining belief or would we go further than that? There's more. There's more. OK, let's get going. So let's say you did fail. You were failing at everything. What if that were true? What does that mean to you? Why is that upsetting?
That seems to be the—I think we might have hit the bottom of the barrel with that one.
No.
The thing that I think of when it comes to self-defeating beliefs are, in Buddhism, what are called the five aggregates or the five skandhas.
And one of those are perception, which is kind of the... When something happens to you in your life, there's an automatic process that's your reaction to what's happening, even before thoughts start occurring, even before thoughts start reaching your consciousness. It's just that, for example, you see the face of someone you really don't like.
And there is just this ingrained belief deep down inside that that's a terrible person, like you believe that. And so when you first see that, it's actually like your nervous system has been embedded in it, a programming of your belief. And so when you see this person you don't like, you have this gut reaction, this sudden intense perception that that's what's happening to them.
And then only after that do the negative thoughts start bubbling up and you can actually see how you're making meaning of things and how you're actually concluding based on stuff. So in Buddhism, there is this kind of difference between the gut reactions you have to things, which you could say perhaps are negative.
defined by your self-defeating beliefs like when you believe that the moment you make a mistake that you're going to lose your job or that you're going to be a failure that no one's ever going to love you that might be very ingrained in your perceptions of of the way you make meaning of things before thoughts even begin arising so that's that's one one way to think about it would be self-defeating beliefs are kind of embedded in your perception of the world
Yeah. And even your own actions, like you might be avoiding taking any action to meet other people in the world or, or to, you might be avoiding or trying to stop yourself from doing things in your life. Um, because that's again, a core belief of like you're, you're jumping to conclusions underneath the surface of, um,
Like the moment someone offers up like, hey, you should come on to the podcast and talk, you know, your gut reaction might be like, no, I don't want to do that. There was no thought between the reaction and the offering, because there was like some self-defeating belief that that was kind of...
uh embedded in how you made sense of that do you know anyone who has that type of reaction jason yeah me yeah you asked me if i wanted to come onto this podcast i was like no you know you're like well why not i'm like well i'm kind of shy and i kind of don't want to do that and you're like oh that's a great thing to do yeah how are you feeling now shy oh you are really right now
Well, I think I think actually what I'm most the thing that's like spiraling in my head a bit is mostly like wanting. I care a lot about the listeners questions and I want to make sure like we don't. I'm not sure since I don't know how things work on the podcast all the time. So I'm kind of worried about like, oh, are we going to get to enough people's questions?
Did we answer this person's questions well enough? Will they be satisfied with these answers?
Pretty great. I think the question of like how to challenge, how to change a self-defeating belief is good. The only maybe only one dimension of it we didn't get to directly, I don't think, is they said if self-defeating beliefs really are the cause of it all, if that should that mean that the self-defeating belief would be the primary focus of to challenge first before negative thoughts.
Like basically should you first try to defeat your self-defeating beliefs? Should you even work on your negative thoughts at all? It seems to be that's like another question that's embedded in this.
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