Jay Shetty

And I think the problem is we're trying to make decisions based on intuition or insecurity, when actually what we should be doing is asking questions. So there's two questions I believe that everyone should ask as early as possible in a relationship. The first is, how do you show love? That person may say to you, I show love by always showing up on time. I show love by always picking up the phone.

And I think the problem is we're trying to make decisions based on intuition or insecurity, when actually what we should be doing is asking questions. So there's two questions I believe that everyone should ask as early as possible in a relationship. The first is, how do you show love? That person may say to you, I show love by always showing up on time. I show love by always picking up the phone.

I show love by always responding to a text message. And all of a sudden you realize that you were just insecure about whether they loved you or not, because you were measuring whether they loved you based on how your ex loved you, rather than asking them how do they show love. Because you didn't see them turning up on time as love, you saw it as being timely.

I show love by always responding to a text message. And all of a sudden you realize that you were just insecure about whether they loved you or not, because you were measuring whether they loved you based on how your ex loved you, rather than asking them how do they show love. Because you didn't see them turning up on time as love, you saw it as being timely.

You didn't see them picking up the phone as love. You saw that as being available. You didn't see them as texting back as being love. You saw them as being responsive. But that was love through being available, responsive, because that's how they see love. And you should tell that person how you see love.

You didn't see them picking up the phone as love. You saw that as being available. You didn't see them as texting back as being love. You saw them as being responsive. But that was love through being available, responsive, because that's how they see love. And you should tell that person how you see love.

Now you take away insecurities because now I don't have to guess whether a text or a lack of one is love or not because the person's told me how they show love. And the second question is, What do you need when you're sad? What do you need when you're having a bad day? What would you like me to do? Because the truth is we're all guessing. It's where our intuition fails us sometimes.

Now you take away insecurities because now I don't have to guess whether a text or a lack of one is love or not because the person's told me how they show love. And the second question is, What do you need when you're sad? What do you need when you're having a bad day? What would you like me to do? Because the truth is we're all guessing. It's where our intuition fails us sometimes.

We're thinking, what do I need on a bad day? And we're trying to give it to that person. And what's really interesting is we think people love the way we do. And when they don't, we feel hurt. So we feel, well, if I was stuck or having a bad day, I know I'd want a hug. I know I'd want a really nice message. I know I'd want you to turn up. And so we do that to that person.

We're thinking, what do I need on a bad day? And we're trying to give it to that person. And what's really interesting is we think people love the way we do. And when they don't, we feel hurt. So we feel, well, if I was stuck or having a bad day, I know I'd want a hug. I know I'd want a really nice message. I know I'd want you to turn up. And so we do that to that person.

And that person goes, wait, wait, wait, this is too much. I didn't need this. And we think, oh, well, that person doesn't love me. They don't appreciate me. But actually we never checked in with them. And so to me, intuition and insecurity are all about checking. And these are my two favorite questions. That's so good.

And that person goes, wait, wait, wait, this is too much. I didn't need this. And we think, oh, well, that person doesn't love me. They don't appreciate me. But actually we never checked in with them. And so to me, intuition and insecurity are all about checking. And these are my two favorite questions. That's so good.

You don't know in that moment. your gut's lying to you. It's just plain and simple. It's very unrealistic for anyone to know in the first month of dating whether someone is the one or one of the people they'll be with. Now that person may evolve into the one, but you can't truly guarantee you knew it in that moment.

You don't know in that moment. your gut's lying to you. It's just plain and simple. It's very unrealistic for anyone to know in the first month of dating whether someone is the one or one of the people they'll be with. Now that person may evolve into the one, but you can't truly guarantee you knew it in that moment.

You may say that in hindsight, and a lot of people will be like, and by the way, me and Radhi say that too. I felt like I knew that. By the way, when I met Radhi, I knew in the first week or the first couple of weeks that she was the one. I would have said that then. Now when I look back on that statement, I realize how crazy that was because I didn't even know what was expected of me.

You may say that in hindsight, and a lot of people will be like, and by the way, me and Radhi say that too. I felt like I knew that. By the way, when I met Radhi, I knew in the first week or the first couple of weeks that she was the one. I would have said that then. Now when I look back on that statement, I realize how crazy that was because I didn't even know what was expected of me.

What's been expected of me in the last 12 years has made me realize she's the one every day I could never have known that on our wedding day. And by the way, even if your intuition turns out to be right, that's beautiful. But let's not put that out there as advice. That's what I'm trying to get to. And so I always say to people that you'll fall in love with three people in your life.

What's been expected of me in the last 12 years has made me realize she's the one every day I could never have known that on our wedding day. And by the way, even if your intuition turns out to be right, that's beautiful. But let's not put that out there as advice. That's what I'm trying to get to. And so I always say to people that you'll fall in love with three people in your life.

The first is a firework. It lights up the sky. It's a big bang, but it fades very, very quickly. And we all fall in love with that person. There's a second person you'll fall in love with, which is the candle. It burns not as bright, it's a bit calmer. It burns longer, but you might even put it out yourself because it gets boring. And then the third person is the mirror.

The first is a firework. It lights up the sky. It's a big bang, but it fades very, very quickly. And we all fall in love with that person. There's a second person you'll fall in love with, which is the candle. It burns not as bright, it's a bit calmer. It burns longer, but you might even put it out yourself because it gets boring. And then the third person is the mirror.